I'm lost and I don't know what to do

03mfr2

Hi,

I've come here because I really don't know what to do or how to proceed with my future.

I am a 30 year old single Dad who has joint ownership of my daughter. I was in debt when I was younger and very close to debt free until me and my ex partner split up in 2018. After that both financially and emotionally my mind changed and I have been lost ever since. 

I got back in heavy debt as the rental market is hugely inflated, I have had several pay changes (seconded roles) which have given me some really tough times and a bereavement when my father passed earlier in the year.

I sleep on a mattress on the floor with no curtains. I can't hide anymore. Luckily, my daughter has her bed and mattress because that's all that matters to me.

Back at the start of 2018, my debt was just over £1000, I had worked hard to pay everything off and the joint income of me and my ex partner helped us both live a very happy life. When we split, I went into depression, lost my car due to drink driving and my life was and still is completely out of control and I don't know how to regain control of it. After my Dad passed away, I had to pay towards his funeral, and that cost me alot of money.

I owe money to an old landlord of the house we shared, my car that was on finance from when we moved house and I am behind on my council tax, tv license and water bills. On top of that I had some debts that I pay off monthly already but it's getting too much as my wage has just gone down by £4000 a year due to my seconded role being taken due to me joining the new business. 

My income is roughly £1400-£1500 a month.
I owe my former landlord £1900. 
HMRC £450ish due to an overpayment from 3 years ago they just recently contacted me about.
Car finance company over £4000
Lowell over £1000.
Water I'm behind by about £100
Council tax (due to no fault of my own) I'm behind by over 5 months (I had to move twice as the first house was inhabitable and had to move and it took them 5 months to register me and send me my first bill as they was behind due to covid)
My old car insurance company want over £1000 off me although I don't understand why as I stopped driving in the May
Old house gas and electric which is about £600. 

I just don't know what to do. Life used to be so much easier. Now I have no support network I'm worried. I can't sleep without thinking money, bills and it's made dark thoughts. How the bloody hell do I get my head around this and start to live a normal life? I feel like I let down my daughter and I'm ashamed of myself even though I know I am an amazing father to her we are due to have a nothing Christmas with no tree or spirit. 

Do I just go bankrupt and get it all out of the way? Or do try and set up another debt management plan? Either way I can't carry on like this anymore. And its really hurting.

EssexHebridean

OK - firstly, stop, take a breath. It IS only money, and while I appreciate that sounds trite, there is a lot of truth to it - you just need to sort out your budget, and prioritise what needs addressing first. You've done the hardest step - you've said "I need help". the next thing is to remind yourself that you quite clearly love your daughter massively, and ultimately that's the most important thing to her, not what you can give her, but that you're there for her. Money does NOT buy Christmas spirit, absolutely not - so forget about it being a "nothing" Christmas. (Plus Christmas day is just one single day in the year, when you come to think about it!) 

So - practical steps - I'm going to suggest that you contact one of the mental health charities for a bit of support there are you do sound very depressed. Understandably so with so much overwhelming stuff going on, and still grieving for your father too.  I suspect also going to someone like Stepchange on the financial front will be useful. 

In the first instance, put together your SOA (Statement of Affairs) - make it open, and honest, and remember that it needs to reflect your situation right now, not what you "think" you should be spending, or what we "expect" to see. the link to one of the calculators we suggest using can be found in my signature. Post that into here and let's see if we can help start to straighten things out for you.

I will say that there is a degree of urgency to  making a payment plan with both the Council tax people and HMRC - those both need to be treated as high priority to address, but one thing at a time, sort the SOA first so we can see where you're at. 

2babyboys

so sorry to read your situation.  I too lost my Dad and hit rock bottom spiralling out of control I got myself into alot more debt than that.  I'm a few years on and much happier.  I have a much better paying job, CCA'd all my debtors and out of 10 debts now on focus on paying off 3 as the others are unenforceable.  I have defaults but they will go in around 3 years.  I hope you can see a brighter future, take one step at a time and regain control, you will be alright, you ensure that.

2babyboys

are there any charities who can help you by way of a grant perhaps?

kazwookie

Have a look on freecycle / FB put   ' free' in to the search box in market place an your area, for curtains, bedding etc, local Salvation Army etc may also be able to help.

Local churches and food banks could also help you, you need to ask that is what they are there for.

List up exactly what you owe to who, people on this site are very knowledgeable and will be able to suggest what to do.

vixx_123

Have you looked at what benefits you may be entitled to? https://www.entitledto.co.uk/
Council tax - make sure you're on single person's discount
Please speak to a debt charity about your debt: 
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
https://www.nationaldebtline.org/
https://www.stepchange.org/
And to a GP about your mental health struggles.

enthusiasticsaver

You need to prioritise the payments you are making.  The critical ones are the council tax, tv license, water and HMRC. Everyone else tell them that  you have had a massive  drop in income so you are not in a position to pay at the moment.  Check you are getting all your benefit entitlements and double check with the car insurance company that they know your cover should have ceased in May.  Have you sold the car? 

I am not sure how old your daughter is but if she is young you don't need much money to make it a fun christmas for her.  Charity shops do some bargain toys and just tell everyone else that you cannot afford presents this year due to helping with your dads funeral costs and the drop in income. Freecycle for curtains and possibly a bed for you.  

Norfolk_Jim

Hi, I would advise that you get in contact with Stepchange (They wont charge you anything, their services are free) as they will help you prioritise your debts and come up with a liveable budget. The budget I agreed with them was much more generous to me than I had been living on before when I was constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul. They will then deal with your creditors for you leaving you free to look after your daughter and sort out your life. They will tell you if a Debt Management plan or an alternative is best in your specific situation. Im thinking that maybe a debt relief order would be available to you? Either way it helps to have someone giving you support and independent advice. Good luck, believe me it can be sorted out

shell16

Hi there, Ive not alot more to offer in terms of help other than whats been posted by some extremely knowledgeable people (and Im still in the early stages of debt busting myself).  But wanted to check in with you and hope you get everything sorted out, there is always a way.