£40k debt, no end in sight. Total mess at the moment.

Tarn2021

Hello

I’ve been reading these forums for a while and have been on to StepChange and CAB, learning about the various options and consequences for each, and then i finally took the step of signing up and posting my story. In short, i feel like i’m in a totally hopeless financial position and i need help.

I can’t do any legal type arrangements due to my job – i also haven’t been able to get a 2nd job because of my full time job. There are rules on what i can and can’t do and i most employers in the roles that would be suitable (warehouse for example) want flexibility that i can’t give them hours wise. I can’t ask any family for help – they don’t have the money.  My work bonus scheme is also gone, so there is no annual and emergency fund (20 years career and 2021 is the first i’ve never had a bonus...). 

I know why i’m here – my budget for the last couple of years has been to cover min payments, alochol and minimal food – relying on bonus to pay for my house and car expenses. I just stopped going out, don't really see friends, don't buy stuff and i haven’t been on holiday or anything. The debts i've ran up during prior years (alcohol, cars, holidays, food, random stuff) maxed disposable income after mortgage and critical expenses and i hit the wall. 

Covid isolation was an extremely dark time for me as I’ve been battling drink and depression for a couple of years anyway and then was permanently working at home and unable to visit family due to lockdown and health reasons. Now i can’t afford to drink, and being sober in the evenings and weekends is causing me massive anxiety over my debt to the point i can't sleep, so i sell something to enable me to keep on drinking (£2k sold on ebay so far...what a joke).

All my cards are around 98% utilised. A re-mortgage isn’t viable as only owned my house a three years, so equity is c£15k and the max ltv for debt consolidation is around 80% with my lender – who have been quite open in saying they are very unlikely to lend and take on other debt. Debt consolidation loan is a non starter (tried).

I’m nearly 40, alone, broken down and no end in sight with this...and it’s all my fault. I've run myself, my finances and my life into the ground - i can't keep this going.

And i want that to change.

So after exploring all my options, i'm laying the groundwork for a DMP.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

September 2nd:

c£40k unsecured debt (tbc)

Day 2 of sobriety

Actions taken:

• Non-priority direct debits cancelled
• Unassociated "safe" bank account created
• Collating account numbers and creditor contact info
• Stamps, paper and envelopes purchased
• A realistic and sustainable budget based being planned

tacpot12

Hi Tarn2021. It can be very dark at the start of a journey such as you are having to make. Well done for even daring to take the first steps, and for sharing your story here. 

I would definitely suggest contacting a local Alcholics Anonymous group for support. See here: Alcoholics Anonymous Great Britain (alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk)

What you are trying to do in battling your desire to drink and in trying to stick to a plan for dealing with your debt are both really hard, and having some support will be really useful. There are limits to what we can do to help on this forums, so getting some local support should make a big difference. What ever reason you can think to avoid seeing help ignore it! Just grab whatever help you can.

With regard to your anxiety, when I can't sleep, I make notes on a notepad at the side of my bed - I just make a short note about whatever it is that I am thinking or worrying about. Once I have made a note about it, I don't need to stay awake worrying about it, because I give myself permission to deal with it in the morning. The problem will still be there, but I allow myself to deal with it tomorrow when I am rested, rather than trying to deal with it at a time when nothing can be done. 

You will see advice about prioritising debt repayments to the debts with the highest interest, and this is sound advice, but I would also suggest you looking to see if there are any debts that can be cleared relatively quickly (regardless of the interest rate they charge). Sometimes it can make a difference to how you feel if you are able to have a small success quickly. I would also advise not trying to shift every spare penny into repaying debts. You also need to get something out of life, so save a little bit of money for yourself, and plan to spend half of what you save on something that you will enjoy like a favourite take-away meal or a trip to the cinema. Don't try to space these treats out too much - if you can restrict treating yourself to once a fortnight, you will do fine. 

Best of luck with your journey.   

Tarn2021

tacpot12 said:

With regard to your anxiety, when I can't sleep, I make notes on a notepad at the side of my bed - I just make a short note about whatever it is that I am thinking or worrying about. Once I have made a note about it, I don't need to stay awake worrying about it, because I give myself permission to deal with it in the morning. The problem will still be there, but I allow myself to deal with it tomorrow when I am rested, rather than trying to deal with it at a time when nothing can be done. 

Thank you for the words of support. I used to do this trick in the bad times - usually ended up with the garbled thoughts of a madman the day after!!!

But you're right, it can be a benefit too. Will give it a go.

I was thinking about the high interest vs small accounts too. I've got a loan with 10 payments left and a BNPL that will cost double to pay back after the 0% interest ends in Nov - so i will probably do those first. Still working through eveything

BellaLasagna2018

Wow! As if battling debt on its own wasn’t difficult enough, you also have to deal with alcohol. No wonder you’re overwhelmed! 

Joining an organisation to deal with your alcohol issue, apart from the obvious benefits, would  also make you feel less alone. 

When I can’t sleep, I don’t panic ( any longer ) about it. On the advice of a wise friend, I let myself think, work out issues in my head, plan and plot. That way, my body is resting and my brain deals with what’s on my mind. I hope that makes sense. 

You’ve taken a first, positive step: posting here. You’re on your way to DF. It will get better. 

Brie

Sorry to hear you are struggling.  Life can be so difficult at the best of times and covid def hasn't been anywhere near best!! 

Alcohol does seem to help in the short term I know very well.  But if you can't afford it that makes it a very good time to try to step away.

Can you post a statement of accounts and we can help you sort it through??  A list of all the debts with min payments, interest, term.  All the monthly bills or yearly ones that you might budge for monthly (if you know what I mean).

Brie

oh meant to add....like writing things down that keep you awake you might find it useful to have a list of your debts in your back pocket.  I used to do this as it kept me focused on what I needed to do to get stuff sorted.  Just a little spreadsheet that had the total owed and what payments were required and when in the next couple of months. When I wanted to buy something it was there to remind me that I shouldn't.

CRANKY40

Make a doctor's appointment too and ask for something for the anxiety if you can't face asking for something for the drinking yet. I'm autistic and my anxiety is sky high most of the time but I cope by calling it "being super prepared". It does wear me out sometimes though. I survived for the year after my husband died on chippy chips and cider (fed my son properly but not me) but then I decided that I'd give my liver a break and that I wanted a life worth living. Good luck.

BadBookkeeper

I know you said you’re family can’t help with the debt, but they may be able to help by listening, supporting, helping and encouraging you to take a step at a time to reach your goals.  Good luck with your journey. 

warby68

That you've managed to pick yourself up to sort out a DMP and taken the first few practical steps shows you still have quite a bit in reserve although I don't downplay at all the effects of over a year of pandemic isolation. Don't rush into it now you've decided though if you are really very tight for cash. You can stop paying the debts for a while and build an emergency fund for when credit is no longer available. Having that little bit behind you might help the anxiety about it all a fraction. There can be a tendency to feel urgency to sort everything as fast as you can once you start the process but nothing much happens for quite a while the non-priority debt so take your time as you are starting a journey of several years.

Please also get professional help for the anxiety and alcohol (if you aren't already). Real life support can be invaluable , especially if you don't feel you can turn to family or friends just yet.

If you're going into a DMP and that is what Stepchange have advised I wouldn't worry which debts to pay or clear first. If you want to show your budget there will be plenty of eyes cast over it and possibly some suggestions you haven't thought of.

Good luck

Tarn2021

Thanks for the kind words everyone, it means alot and posting on here was a pretty big step for me.

SOA is incoming - today was huge and cancelling my direct debits was intense for me, so i'm taking the evening off. I have a free help service through work for the drinking and debt which i'm setting an appointment up for.

I've decided i won't tell my family yet, my parents both have serious health issues and i can't add to their stress right now. Maybe in a few months when i'm pushing forward. I need to be there right now to give them the support they need. Which is fine - they have supported me over the years.

I'm meeting my best friend at the weekend and talking them through everything instead of giving them the ole "yeah it's fine", so I will have support from someone close to me.

I guess one other thought i had was that: if someone like me reads this diary, they'll also know they are not alone, and it's ok and there are pretty much ways out of anything.

katsu

@Tarn2021 Martin always used to say that he'd never seen a debt that couldn't be solved. So as you say those forum is a great place to get support and show others that there's always something that can be done and you are never alone.

There's a thread about giving up alcohol so that might help you too. Good luck