Time to sort this mess out

Lu_thien

Well, hello.

Things have gone tits up (excuse the language) in the finance department over the last year or two and I have, helpfully, buried my head in the sand about it all. 

I've been in debt most of my adult life, but a few years ago managed to clear 6k (accrued while at uni and working in a call centre) and finally felt like things were on the up. Unfortunately things have been going downhill for a while and its all gone wrong to the tune of c. 48k of debt spread between my OH (B) and I. 

Some context:

I am recently 30 and originally from Scotland, have moved to England for work (and for B, as he was terminally unemployed in Scotland following uni). We have lived here 2.5 years and in that time have had a baby (H) who has just turned 1. 

I was in debt again prior to Covid, but it felt manageable, but then had to take time off as I couldn't work from home and was placed on SSP  (due to being pregnant) which was a big hit. I had really wanted to be debt free before baby and have some savings sorted but it just wasn't possible - so I bought things we needed using my credit card and commenced the hiding head in sand business again.... I really should have learnt my lesson.

On maternity leave I was on SMP and our lifestyle didn't really change, despite the dip in income - at the time I didn't really realize what this meant, but in hindsight it was that B was using credit to support us. 

In October B mentioned he was worried about money, so we had a look at things and I moved some of his high interest debt onto my cards. Unfortunately he then ran up more debt and so did I. He took out a consolidation loan which was crippling him, so was then using more credit to fill the gap. Its all a mess really but we are going to try and sort it. 

I have not returned to work post mat leave (they couldn't offer me hours that would work with H and I would only just cover childcare based on my previous salary). I am searching for a part time evening/ weekend role so I can bring something to the table other than Child Benefit. 

B earns 28k a year but this should hopefully increase within the next year and he may receive a 2k bonus at the end of the year. 

We are in the fortunate position that we are rent free (at the moment). We live in a house owned by family and they have kindly agreed to waive rent for a period while we get on our feet again. 

No excuses, time to sort this mess out. We've been living beyond our means and it's time to face the consequences. 

To begin, we contacted Step Change and they have suggested a DMP which has now begun. The letters everyday are giving me constant anxiety/ stress but I am trying to keep my head. 

We have quite a few fixed costs (gas/electric, phones, internet etc.) but as soon as the terms are up I will shop around and we will reduce everything right down. 

My intention for this diary is to keep myself accountable for my actions/ spending. My mental health can be.... questionable and I recognize that my spending fluctuates with my MH.

That's probably quite enough waffling on for now, thank you for reading. Lets do this!

VadersDad

Good luck with your journey. You have said you have done before, you will get there. 

Blackcats

Good luck on your journey.  Plenty of advice and support on here.  

FootyFanDan

Good luck with your journey to debt freedom. I did the whole living beyond my means thing too, I wasn't even thinking about debt or paying things back and thought because I had a decent/secure job at the time it was fine...oh boy how wrong was I. Eventually when daughter was born it made me really want to sort stuff in 2014....a few more years of just not doing anything passed by before I finally took proper action a few years ago and committed to it. Although I still have a few things to sort I finally feel in control. You 100% can do this.

Lu_thien

VadersDad said:

Good luck with your journey. You have said you have done before, you will get there. 

Thank you! Wish we hadn't let it spiral the way it has, but time to face the music. 

Lu_thien

FootyFanDan said:

Good luck with your journey to debt freedom. I did the whole living beyond my means thing too, I wasn't even thinking about debt or paying things back and thought because I had a decent/secure job at the time it was fine...oh boy how wrong was I. Eventually when daughter was born it made me really want to sort stuff in 2014....a few more years of just not doing anything passed by before I finally took proper action a few years ago and committed to it. Although I still have a few things to sort I finally feel in control. You 100% can do this.

Thank you very much for the encouragement! It feels so daunting right now, but I know once we get in the swing of things and I start seeing the balance decrease it will feel better. 

Last time around I paid things off myself, but this time it's become completely unafforable (as we realised when completing the budget with Step Change) so the DMP seemed like the only option. 

It's going to take a long time to clear, but our income will be increasing once I find a job so hopefully we can bring the total number of years down. 

Congrats on committing to it and I'm glad you feel in control.... I'm looking forward to that feeling!

Lu_thien

Ok, baby is napping so time to take stock. 

Total Debt: £48,096.58
Monthly Payment: £275.00 
Debt Free date (roughly): December 2035 

I have been selling off baby things and bits and bobs on facebook so have started a personal savings pot. Any money I make from selling things will go in here and the aim is to create an emergency fund. 

Personal Savings: £130.00 

I have a savings account set up for baby H which is receiving £25 a month currently. 

H Savings: £125.00

I have created pots in my Monzo account for each section of the DMP budget to pay in to each month (with the intent of then any leftover being put into household savings at the end of the month) but OH isn't keen on this idea.

I am considering asking for half of each total (groceries/ dental etc.) so I can save my bits. Will need to have further discussions with him regarding this as I'm worried if we don't do this he won't stick to the budget and then if I need money for something (baby related, or house related) the money won't be there. 

Our Stepchange budget does seem quite generous, so I want to ensure money goes where it needs to so we don't have any nasty surprises!

Will be looking for evening work ASAP but in the meantime what survey sites are the best currently? I used to use prolific academic which I will re-set up but wondered if there are any new ones? 

Will start using top cashback again and have downloaded virtual loyalty cards for boots/ tesco etc. as am always forgetting the cards at home (or losing them!) 

Lu_thien

Off to create my signature - 48k seems honestly mind boggling. The highest my salary has ever even been (in the pre covid, pre baby days) is 19k!

Once baby wakes we will go a walk. Will pop into Superdrug as need a new toothbrush then Sainsburys for bits for dinner. 

Lu_thien

Lu_thien said:

Off to create my signature - 48k seems honestly mind boggling. The highest my salary has ever even been (in the pre covid, pre baby days) is 19k!

Once baby wakes we will go a walk. Will pop into Superdrug as need a new toothbrush then Sainsburys for bits for dinner. 

Never mind, I don't have permission to have a signature. Will try again at a later date!

Lu_thien

Trying very hard to stay positive, but I'm struggling.

Asked OH for money (£350 for the next month to put in the various pots, for groceries/baby/house/gifts/savings) and he has checked his bank account and only has £200. Not the end of the world, but came as a shock - as he was only paid on the 25th so not sure where it's gone, but I understand all the bills will have come out.

BUT turns out, he doesn't have £200, he has £200 remaining of his overdraft. An overdraft I paid off using my overdraft when we began the process of setting up the DMP (in early May). 

I paid off the overdraft as he didn't want to shut his bank account and open a new one. But I assumed he would have cancelled it off as we shouldn't have any credit.

I feel disheartened and disappointed. I thought we were in this together, but he seems indifferent. He has agreed to use the pots going forward, but that won't be until next pay day (at the end of the month). This month is going to be a big struggle. 

I think it's hard for me to not have any control - yes we have a budget, but I have no income (£91.65 a month in child benefit) so have no say in what's happening. We need to be a partnership, but I don't feel that way financially at the moment. 

Just to add, I will be searching for work soon. I know it sounds so stupid, me being upset about this when I don't even work at the moment. But LO has just turned 1 and mat leave has only just ended. I would have returned to my old role, but I would only bring in £30.00 a month after childcare and travel. I WILL find something for the evenings/ weekends, I just need to sort my head out a bit first.

Back to the overdraft issue, I'm not so sure what to do about his account considering it's overdrawn now. Not exactly the clean slate I had hoped the DMP would be. I presume the bank will probably remove his overdraft facility (as his credit score must be tanking). 

Should I speak to stepchange about it? Maybe he should just open a new account after all... I just wish he had done that before this, then I wouldn't have an extra 2k in my name as well. 

On a much sillier/ frivolous note, I was due to have my first salon hair appointment in years (even before Covid it had been a long time!) this weekend and OH was paying as a treat and was having baby while I went. Was originally booked for October but then lockdowns happened and I'd never rebooked. I was so excited to not be mama for a few hours, and to try and feel myself again, but that's a no go now (understandably!)

Not the end of the world, I shall cut my hair myself and maybe in a few months time attempt a box dye!

Just trying to stay positive and remind myself it's just a blip, it's tough though as it feels like a big bloody blip.

Good things that have happened recently: 

• I have made £130 through sales of old things online
• Our first DMP payment has been made
• Bills are all paid for this month
• Baby now says "ooof" if you say woof woof
• I have been alcohol free for 4 days

That's quite enough for now. Thank you for reading, if you made it through! 

Lu_thien

Ok, another positive. Have set up a new prolific account and done all the screening questions. Success!