Pay for the future and not the past

KajiKita

Can any one come in on the BH Monday to either help with the chores or watch the wee ones for a few hours?

KK

MissRikkiC

We only have my MIL who is otherwise engaged on Monday as my brother in law is also home for the weekend (he is usually in a semi independent living space) so it’s a bit too much to ask her. I might drive to see my sister so that I’m not at the house making more mess to clean up 😂

MissRikkiC

Well after dreading the weekend away it was actually Lovely of course. We had a great time seeing friends and the children played. Took us a total of 5.5 hours to get there so I did spend some time in the back of the car but the children were both angels. Considering they don't have tablets or screens, I was seriously impressed. We enjoyed a take away Saturday, fish and chips Sunday paid for by our friends and had a really easy journey back.

The weekend was 2 fold. We visit our friends there once a year ish and there is the pirate festival on for the weekend. It's also the place my mum asked that we scatter her ashes before she passed so I took myself off for a bit to do that by the sea.

It didn't really feel like I guess it should, or does for some people. I was sad and teary of course but it was so windy that I also got covered in mums ashes when trying to scatter them which was actually very funny. My mum would have been laughing so hard at me and it felt like quite a nice moment ag the same time. Maybe that's how she wanted it to be.

Back to normal yesterday both children at home and I still managed to get so much done. Washing done and tidying up. A bit of toy rotation, cooked dinner and felt pretty accomplished by the end of the day.

Money wise, I've set the mortgage lender to add £100 to our mortgage payment each month. We can afford this and see it a little as paying ourselves in that it's gone before we see what's left. Nursery is a steep month this month but this is how it will be now for the next 3 months before my daughter turns 3. Then the remainder will be used to overpay on the credit cards. That should leave enough funds between now and then to

Replace the front door

Renovate the living room entirely

Create a utility space in the conservatory

Build the storage cupboard at the top of the stairs

MissRikkiC

Can’t you tell my boy slept better last night. By 7am, a jambalaya and a cabbage and rice dish had both been made. By 9am I’d done a load of washing and got it on the line plus started another loaf off plus fed the children and got them off to nursery and walked the dog! 😅 

At lunch I had 20 minutes spare so I’ve turfed out the marestail from 2 of the 11 raised beds and turned over all of the soil (including munched seedlings of spring onion, pak Choi, rocket, cos and Swiss chard that I think birds have had a go at!). I will try and get onto sowing some seeds In there again tonight whilst pondering the idea of another brolly cloche to keep the birds away. 

There has to be a resident snail who is eating the borage as well however I’m yet to find him! Sneaky little bu**er.

MissRikkiC

Plans for today. 

Check banking and ensure spends to date are all from the right places. 

Check sunflower seed packet to see if we still have time to plant them 

walk the dog/run with the dog 

Ask for tab of what’s owed from my friend who does the big diy jobs 

Find some clearance shaker cupboards for the utility space including 1 tall end cupboard 

Darks washing load washed and put on the line 

Check all baby plants 

Work out what I need to have already grown to maximise the space in the beds and get on with the rest! 

Make pasta bake for dinner. 

Decide what pasta bake to make

edited to add. 

Bake sourdough that’s still in the fridge 

Sort c0ck up on childcare account 

Put load of washing from yesterday away

MissRikkiC

Both children asleep and I have a few minutes of peace. They both woke before 530 this morning which meant a coffee or 4 were needed! 

Of Yesterdays tasks there was only banking and a pasta bake to complete however the childcare account c0ck il meant I couldn’t do the banking and we had something different for dinner;  despite the oven going on I didn’t really have chance to get a pasta bake prepped too. 

We followed a Riverford recipe last night using up Rainbow chard that was in the veg box (my favourite veg there is just because I’m amazed at the colours) and during prep my OH moaned and moaned and moaned. He kept asking what is it going with; this is a side dish, where is the meat etc. Granted I’ve cooked veggie meals all week due to the veg box and the recipe was essentially chard and chickpeas but i ignored his moans and made it anyway. It was absolutely delicious. Quite possibly one of the nicest veggie meals I’ve had. 

Today I’ve had a bit of gardening I wanted to do, namely starting off a few more bits, now that I’ve planned the beds out properly. The showers have been intermittent so hoping to continue to avoid them later when we go to the farm! 

A little food shop to do and looking forward to (oven cooked) fish and chips this evening. 

It’s my birthday on Sunday so I will be picking myself up a few treats 😜 from the supermarket now and taking them from the birthdays pot 😉

KajiKita

Thoroughly approve of you treating yourself for your birthday. I always find I buy myself the best birthday presents! 😉😂

Did OH like the chickpea, chard recipe after? He’s doing better than my OH who literally picked out every black chickpea from the scoop of my takeaway curry he tried last night …. 🙄 Goodness knows what Mr KK thinks pulses will do to him …. Brainwash him maybe? 😂

KK

Blackcats

Glad you managed to find a smile when you scattered your mum's ashes - sounds like she would approve.

I enjoy the grocery challenge and am amazed by how little some people can spend but we are all different and it keeps me mostly on track.  I used to feel awkward about my budget but remind myself that nobody is judging, rather they are helping.  Having said that I'm already way over where I should be by 6th of the month so I'm just taking a deep breath and popping over there to post an update.

have a lovely birthday tomorrow 

MissRikkiC

I’m shocked @KajiKita that even a take away version (most would really approve) he picked at! My OH really enjoyed the meal, I did serve it with fresh sourdough so that helped it seem like more on a complete meal but it’s going to be my go to if we get chard again. I’m also trying to grow it (although the birds keep pinching the seedlings) so hopefully will have it more often. 

Thanks @blackcats she would’ve been looking on with a smile im sure. 

I enjoy the accountability aspect of the grocery thread. Saying that I’ve about 1/4 of my budget left and haven’t declared any spends yet!

MissRikkiC

Last night my OH and I talked for 3 hours about work. We’ve been together for 10 years and for a really long time his work didn’t come with the same level of responsibility in the same way as my work did. It was equally important but in different ways and neither of us really had ‘that’ same level of understanding or empathy when the going got tough. It also got tough more times for me than it did him due to the level of seniority my role held. 

Within the last 2 years he’s been promoted twice, is absolutely killing it and we now have very similar levels of accountability, plus work for the same business which means having conversations about my work or his are met differently for us both. 

With this all in mind, last night I had a revelation. 

I work from home now full time, am brand new in to this role, had 12 months out on maternity and the roles I held before that, for 12 months were project roles where I was a sole player, put in to complete X tasks which I also did from home full time! 

Prior to that I was out of the business for 15 months after I had my daughter and before that (sorry to go on!) the roles I held/work that I was asked to do resulted in me whistleblowing on the only 2 of my team members (boss and bosses boss) and they are no longer working for us. 

This has meant that since 2019, I have worked alone. I’ve not had teams (except a period of 5 months last year where I was doing a job that essentially was brand new and no one knew how to do it!) which means I’ve also not had any peers to call up on/make work friends with. 

When talking with my OH about work last night, this realisation set in that I’ve been out of the business for 2/4 years almost. 

The time I have worked, I’ve done so alone, I’ve not had colleagues so to speak, no one to use as a sounding board. No peers and no friends within my work. The role I’ve taken on is really new, the expectations of me are that of the person I was in 2018/2019 essentially and there is stuff, that whilst I know I am capable of, is brand new and I’ve had noone to say any of this to.

Instead, the people that gave me the job, think that this is a piece of cake to me, a job I should be able to do with my eyes shut (and quite honestly, a job I myself expected to be able to do with my eyes shut and my hands tied behind my back! Gosh I even acted so as well!) and it’s been a really challenging/eye opening few weeks. 

I’m so grateful that my husband is now in a position to be able to understand this, appreciate my concerns and actually be able to advise me, in the context of our employer and above everything else actually make me see these things rather than feeling just a sense of lostness and inadequate-ness. I feel a bit of weight lifted, that I didn’t know was there, making me feel a bit crappy, rubbish at my job and frankly unworthy of going back to work.

Now I just need to figure out, how to reverse my c0cksure-ness that I previously displayed and make some friends within the business that I can actually share these moments with/discuss these challenges with so that I don’t get to feeling this way again!