Really struggling

highhopes19

Hi everyone,

I have a 5year old daughter who
has asd, life is very challenging and i feel extremely depressed. I’m currently on anti-depressants and ant-anxiety tablets and I’m still really struggling. I have scoliosis myself... I’m really struggling to find a balance between work, being a mum, caring for my daughter, my eldest daughter is also struggling and has been referred for counselling at school- she’s only 9,  whilst also myself Being in pain. 

Most nightS I’m late out of work- last week was every night, I work in retail. On Friday, it was already 10 minutes past my shift and I asked if I could leave as I had to pick my children up. I explained that my daughter with autism struggles with routine change and likes everything done in a certain way, otherwise it makes her extremely distressed. Every evening it’s a struggle to get her home from my parents who look after her when I’m at work. She’ll have a massive melt down as she finds the transition really hard. I was spoken to horribly by my manager who patronised me in front of work colleagues... when I tried to get a word in she just stuck her hand up at me saying “we’ll talk About it Monday” over and over again to me. She made cry (god I hate being a crier) I’m not sure if it’s because I’m feeling so down but I got quite tearful and she turned her nose up “why are you crying?”  My floor manager was stood behind her, and was nodding and agreeing with me but the deputy manager was awful to me. This is the same manager that when I was on the front door counting in customers said that me needing a seat because of my scoliosis because I was in pain that day was unprofessional. 

Can I just add they’ll keep us for a certain length of time then we’ll clock out and then stand by the front door for sometimes another 25 minutes to be let out as they lock the door.. whilst they are sat in the office. 

I don’t mind helping anyone out when I can but that evening I really needed to go on time or get out as ASAP. The night before had been an exceptionally bad night with my daughter and so had the morning before work. I also nipped up stairs to the loo and checked to see if I’d had any messages from my parents as to how she was and my mum had messaged to say she was having a melt down  this was at 5:30. I can’t tell them this because they’ll be like why was I checking my phone in work time- which is fare enough however we are told not answer the store phone so there’s no way of ever knowing of a family emergency for example. 

I’ve phoned my union and are awaiting their call back however I feel sick at the thought of going into work today, my doctor has agreed to sign me off with stress/ depression and anxiety however, I’m worried they’ll think I’ve just not come in to avoid the issue that happened on Friday. My depression is at the point where most days I don’t see the point anymore. 

I claim dla for my daughter middle rate care and low rate mobility, and have been told to look into Carers allowance. Work won’t let me drop another day as at the moment I earn over the limit. I’m finding everything very hard. 

Long story short, I’m so worried about going in today as they aren’t supportive whatsoever 

thankyou in advance 

TBagpuss

What is your question?

Their behaviour seems very unpleasant and I am sorry that you are going through this.

Your children's situation is not down to the employer but they should be ensuring that you can leave promptly and should not be criticizing you for making use of an accommodation for a disability (I assume that having the chair for you scoliosis is a formal accommodation) If it isn't, then raise that specifically and request that it is formally recorded as being an accommodation for a disability, and flag up your concern that the floor manager's comments amount to discrimination - it's no different than if she said that someone using a wheelchair or walking stick  or hearing aid was unprofessional

Talk to your union - the part where you are kept waiting and cannot leave after you have clocked out may be something which would be better raised as a group ,  
It may be that you need to raise a formal grievance 

On a practical level, can you adjust your daughter's routine on the assumption that you will be 25-30 minutes later, so that she is less distressed it it happens?  It might be easier on her, even t it means that you sometimes need to to take 10 minutes to sit in the car and read or check your e-mails before you pick her up so as not to upset her by being early..

alsuk

Hey

I’m not sure who you work for, but if it is one of the large retail chains, you are likely to have access to an Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) that can provide various different types of support, including mental health, legal support etc. 

If you have a physical or a mental condition that has a substantial and long-term impact on your ability to do normal day to day activities (has to last over 12 months) by law, an employer must consider making reasonable adjustments, for example, altering your hours of working, allowing you to be absent during working or training hours for rehabilitation, assessment or treatment etc.

You also have the right to request flexible working if you are an employee with 26 weeks (six months) continuous employment at the time you make an application, but just remember, your employer can refuse if they have a good business reason.  

Look after yourself. If you have urgent wellbeing concerns or are in a crisis, please contact your GP, GP out of hours service, NHS 111 or The Samaritans on 116 123. 

Hopefully, this helps a little. 

Anyanka1

I really hope, as alsuk says above, that you do work for one of the major retail chains, OP, because I doubt any of them would want their treatment of you known.  The major chains' emails seem constantly to parrot how much support they are offering their employees and their customers; I received one only today.

If you work for some smaller brand, perhaps it is time to consider moving into the big league.  I wish you the best of luck, if that is the case, and wish to thank you and all your colleagues in the retail sector for their response to the current crisis and for the support they extend to their customers.

Apintplease

Ive just seen your post

I just want to ask, how are you right now?