** Buying out a now former partner **

Hello All,

I hope this is in the correct category:

So, I am being represented by a solicitor...but I typically need information yesterday, so hope you can help :)

Basically, I took out a mortgage with my former partner almost 2 years ago. We both put equal deposits down initially, and over time have contributed to paying the majority of the bills 50:50. We struggled to get a mortgage as he is currently on licence (due to expire Jan 2023 - 10 year sentence). I earn more money than him so have been in a position to buy additional bits and bobs to furnish the home, but have not expected or demanded equity as I have considered our separate incomes as 'our money' and investing in our home for the future.

Sadly, we have now separated, due to no longer being compatible (there are substance misuse issues on his side, lots of betrayals of trust - he applied for the programme Married at First Sight whilst we were still together - during one of his 'benders'. We were engaged and he cancelled the wedding - and I no longer see a stable future with him due to his life choices - there are no children involved). P.s. his family condone his lifestyle, despite my many attempts to ask for help...I have not spoken with his Probation Officer about this - she has not been in contact either. 

So, I arranged for the property to be valued and also have a mortgage in principle so can take over the mortgage in its entirety. During this period, I discussed with him - by text as conversation is challenging - the prospect of him receiving more than the calculated amount he is entitled to, based on remaining mortgage and value divided by 2 (due to 50:50 contributions), plus a significant amount of money to take sole ownership of the three dachshunds we bought together (again 50:50). During the pandemic in particular, his interest and care in the dogs has decreased, with him instead favouring illegal substances (I have found stashes of substances in the home - hidden for his use - legally I am worried about the impact this could have on me!), house parties and going AWOL for weekends, over taking them for a family walk, feeding them etc. I have taken over this responsibility solely, which I do not grudge in the slightest...they are my babies. I also have them microchipped in my name and have always paid for their pet insurance plans.

He initially agreed on 2 occasions via text and separately verbally that he would agree with the terms, and I notified my solicitor. I am waiting for her to draw up a letter to send to him outlining this offer. I was initially hopeful, however over the past 2 days, he appears to have turned over a new leaf, in effect found the gym 'God' and has reportedly stopped taking substances and consuming x2 bottles of wine / gin each night - he drives lorries from 07:30am every morning! He would not contemplate doing this to save our relationship however - I hope he does improve for his sake...but I am not optimistic - people have to want to change and can't be forced. 

He is now refusing to accept any offer and wants to keep one of the dogs (how someone could choose one and abandon the others is beyond me tbh). He has been implicated with the RSCPA in the past following an incident with a snake - linked with a drug debt - don't ask!! Also, his current lifestyle, notwithstanding his recent epiphany, I do not feel is conducive to prioritising a dog. Furthermore, should I keep the property, the likely place he would move to is not structurally safe and I would be very concerned about the welfare of my baby (sorry - but he is :) xx) 

The living situation is strained. I am in effect living in one room to avoid him, whilst he appears to be enjoying himself and has no remorse regarding the end of the relationship etc. To my knowledge, he has not approached the mortgage provider to discuss the scope for him to take over the mortgage, however he states he could because he has money in XRP - another 'hobby' picked up during the pandemic. My solicitor has advised that he may still be too much of a risk. He salary alone could not cover the mortgage - he has said his brother will join the mortgage with him - he is a known drug grower and dealer, has been to prison and works when he fancies - no stable income - lovely.

So, my question is (again I am impatiently :) awaiting an update from my solicitor), where do I stand if he will not accept my generous financial offer? He would receive less if the property was sold. I absolutely 100% do not want to sell - it is my home, my dogs' home and it's the principle of it all too!!! I also do not want him to buy me out - why should he live happily ever after in the home that I painted and decorated whilst he nursed drug hangovers in bed!! Grrr!! P.s. the area we live in is gorgeous and very family orientated. I doubt they would be pleased with this.</p><p>If he chooses to not accept my offer that will be in writing, what is my next step please? Has anyone been in a similar situation too?

Thank you for reading xx 


  • dimbo61dimbo61 Forumite
    13.3K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Wow you need to take the emotion out of the question/s
    Remove the dogs from your post !
    He is living in the property and sponging off you and has  drug problems.
    You may need the help of his probation officer and a solicitor.
    Hope you can get out of this difficult situation 
  • ThrugelmirThrugelmir Forumite
    89.5K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    HWCFCS said:

    where do I stand if he will not accept my generous financial offer? 

    A costly forced sale actioned through the courts. 
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