Is it right to save for kids?

[Deleted User]

Mickey666 said:

Just bear in mind that children don't choose to be born.   I probably won't be popular for saying I believe that parents who cannot adequately support their children are irresponsible to have them in the first place.  But of course, irresponsible parenting is not a new thing and I'm sure we've all seen it somewhere or other.  [b] I find it almost inconceivable (ha!) that parents would NOT wish to do whatever they can to help their little darlings have a better and easier life than their own.[/b] 

I agree with you entirely. Especially the bold. But the question is what form should that take?

The real question is this: Does simply handing an 18 year old a substantial chunk of money make you a good parent?

I think the answer is no.

That's not to say that it's wrong to give them money, nor am I saying it's right. What I am however saying is that that is absolutely not enough, and if you think giving money is all there is to good parenting, then I'd feel very sad for you. My parents gave me, among other things...

* the intangible but very real support needed to develop my own independence
* someone to turn to for advice, comfort, and practical help
* a really fun childhood
* a good moral upbringing, knowing right from wrong and the importance of self respect and respect for others
* a standard to compare myself now I'm a parent. 

Against that backdrop, I've built myself a decent career out of nothing, I have a close family, including two kids that see me not just as their dad but also their role model and best mate. 

Personally, I think all of that is what's important. The fact that I have more money than my parents do or did just means the practical bits are easier for me than it was for my parents. 

And will I help my kids financially when they're older, if they need me to? Well if I can, yes absolutely I will. Exactly the same way that my parents have helped me out financially where they can, when I've needed help. 

But if I bunged a few grand in a junior ISA each for them, but other than that played no part in their life, and ignored them if they tried to talk to me about anything, and took no interest in their school day or their ambitions or fears, would that make me a better parent?

VJsmum

I got no financial help from my parents because they simply didn't have it to give.  I was making my own way in life but it was bl00dy hard.  Fortunately for me (and him) i married a man who already owned a house and was making a good wage (it isn't why i married him, needless to say).  Fortunately for him in that i don't waste money and am still rather frugal.  Due to that, we've been able to build up a nest egg and so can help our children out.

We come from opposite ends he and i - i know exactly what it is like to have to fight for every penny and he had it fairly cushy growing up.  I don't want my kids to go through what i had to so we tread a fine line between making them independent but also to not have that crushing worry about how to make ends meet.

Spendless

Deleted_User said:

When I went to university I had no help from my mum (single parent), all of my loan went on my accommodation and I had two jobs, one in a shop and one in a pub, whilst studying for a law degree. Having that work ethic and can do attitude never did me any harm and nor will it harm my children when the time comes. I teach in a large comp and the sense of entitlement is insane, even in those kids who I know their parents are on the breadline. 

Did you study somewhere that had expensive rent? Or did your Mum have a well paid job?  The maintenance loan the student receives is dependant on the household income of who the student resides with, so I can only think you had either or both those situations which made the need to have 2 jobs in addition to your loan.

If me and DH weren't together, our kids would have the maximum loan if they resided with me and the same minimum loan they get with their parents together if they were to reside with him.

[Deleted User]

Spendless said:

Deleted_User said:

When I went to university I had no help from my mum (single parent), all of my loan went on my accommodation and I had two jobs, one in a shop and one in a pub, whilst studying for a law degree. Having that work ethic and can do attitude never did me any harm and nor will it harm my children when the time comes. I teach in a large comp and the sense of entitlement is insane, even in those kids who I know their parents are on the breadline. 

Did you study somewhere that had expensive rent? Or did your Mum have a well paid job?  The maintenance loan the student receives is dependant on the household income of who the student resides with, so I can only think you had either or both those situations which made the need to have 2 jobs in addition to your loan.

If me and DH weren't together, our kids would have the maximum loan if they resided with me and the same minimum loan they get with their parents together if they were to reside with him.

Yes the rent was very high. And believe it or not that was the cheapest self catering accommodation for that particular university. Mum was a nurse so not particularly well paid at all. 

VJsmum

Looks like the OP has disappeared for some reason 😕

nannygladys

Hi everyone

I think it's a very personal thing. Growing up we had very little money and when I married there wasn't much either. I was lucky that I was left some money which was used as a house deposit and much later after marriage breakup I managed to buy a small house for me and my children (not outright I still had a mortgage and low paid job) go forwards and again, I had another inheritance, so I gave my 3 dds lump sums from it as they needed it more than me under the proviso that it was used sensibly, one bought a house, one invested it and the other bought a new car and saved the rest. So now I have a small savings pot for my dgc, that I put a very small amount in each month so when I leave this life they may have enough to afford a cup of coffee out or something lol!!!

Two dds went to uni but had to take out loans as at that time I was unable to help, one has paid it all off and the other is still paying neither complained and both did well.
Nannyg

xrayxray

VJsmum said:

Looks like the OP has disappeared for some reason 😕

Maybe because their post was linked to Facebook by MSE ? Quite a few from Old Style have popped up recently. Hence my post 

I understand it’s a public forum but it’s easy to find posts that contain more sensitive info from linked posts that poster may not want sharing. The forums are divided in to personal interest, not every one is interested in old ways of money saving so won’t come here. It’s a little haven for some.