What happens next please?

Savvy_Sue

frogga said:

As an aside, I would like Mr Frog to get up out of bed at a proper time, eat meals with the family and go to bed before 12am at least. I don't want to start a row, or nag. He's had a tough year. He gave up smoking in June which is FANTASTIC after 35 years and he really didn't want to, but he has swapped a cigarette addiction for an Xbox addiction, and after a whole year of not leaving the house apart from 3 hospital appointments, he is like a totally different man ;(

I think you've had the right answers about the SSP, although I too would expect Occupational Health to be involved, and I think Mr Frog can refer himself.

But this bit: can you, without having a row, tell him you would like these things? Maybe start with a "next weekend, I'd really like to ... have breakfast together and then go to ... (insert here local beauty spot / NT garden / scenic drive)." Change the details as appropriate, maybe lunch and an afternoon trip would work better.

You say "with the family": who does that consist of? Do you have to get teenagers on side?

frogga

Thankyou Anyanka and Sue xx
I think you are both right.  
I would really like to go for a walk together.  I walk the for legged companions we have, but always on my own. Mr Frog can't walk more than a v v short distance as he has Emphysema and he struggles to breathe. Last Summer we got him out and about for a little bit, getting further each day, but as soon as it got colder he found excuses and he stopped coming. Now he can't even go more than a few yards.
I'm looking forward to the summer months and maybe things will be more positive then.  Thank you for bothering to try and help xxxxx

Thrugelmir

frogga said:

 I wouldn't say his mental health is suffering, but he isn't himself, and I think he has no purpose. 

Difficult not to be impacted mentally in some form during these Covid times. Once the weather improves. Getting outside in the daylight and travelling to a rural setting is a way of starting to heal ones mind. 

frogga

Thank you that's a kind and understanding attitude towards us xxx
We are very lucky to live in the countryside, so we have beautiful walks just outside the garden gate
I didn't like to talk about him 'suffering with mental health' as some others have had so much to cope with this year and we have been so lucky, but yes, I think he is a little bit cheesed off.

Savvy_Sue

frogga said:

Thankyou Anyanka and Sue xx
I think you are both right.  
I would really like to go for a walk together.  I walk the for legged companions we have, but always on my own. Mr Frog can't walk more than a v v short distance as he has Emphysema and he struggles to breathe. Last Summer we got him out and about for a little bit, getting further each day, but as soon as it got colder he found excuses and he stopped coming. Now he can't even go more than a few yards.
I'm looking forward to the summer months and maybe things will be more positive then.  Thank you for bothering to try and help xxxxx

I rather assumed that a long walk would be out of the question, however his walking ability is only going to improve if he gets out of the house! Please, don't wait for summer, pre-suggest it for the next sunny day - we've had some gorgeous days here, and DH and I have been stripping off layers when out walking! 

I'd be thinking whether there were any local viewpoints where you could take the dogs for a walk while he sat in the sunshine for a bit - do you have folding chairs and picnic rugs? Flask of coffee and / or a picnic, could be a really good start. 

And I wouldn't 'sell' it as something which would be good for him, rather as something which YOU would very much enjoy and would like to do WITH HIM. 

Work wise, I would be preparing for that to end, and you say that you can get by without his earnings, so I wonder if there would be any volunteer activities he could get involved in? I don't know if his health would be good enough, but I know for example that our local community minibus service is always in need of drivers. 

Anyanka1

That's a lovely idea, Sue.  I hope it is of help to frogga and to Mr. Frog.

frogga

That really is a great idea Sue, I had never even thought about that.  That would give real purpose wouldn't it?
Thank you both, have a good day

TELLIT01

Marcon said:

avawat20 said:

Your post was too long and did waffle a bit so I did lose interest but here is some general advice.

That remark was neither helpful nor necessary. 

Actually it was potentially helpful to the OP and to others when making the opening post in a topic.  It's a difficult balancing act between providing all the necessary information and including stuff which has no bearing on the main subject.  My general suggestion to people would be to draft potentially long posts, then read it through again and cut out the irrelevant stuff.  I did also give up on the OP before getting to the end.

TBagpuss

sadly the employer may be stating the process to dismiss Mr Frog on the basis of incapacity, if he isn't able to do his job (even with reasonable adjustments) . Normally the process would be for them to get a report from his GP, then get Occupational Health to do an assessment and make recommendations, then make a decision. They should normally take into account when he may be fit enough to return and whether there as reasonable adjustments they can made at that time to facilitate a return to work.


What is reasonable is  looked at in the context of the company and job involve, so what it is reasonable for a small business to do will be different from a what it would be reasonable for a larger one.
I'd repeat the request to the employer to provide the SSP1 and maybe also contact DWP to see if he can start his application without it, if it is not forthcoming. 


On a practical level, if he does then qualify for a PIP with the higher rate mobility allowance then he may be able to apply to lease  a mobility scooter through the motobility scheme, which might enable him to get out and about with you and the dogs. (If he doesn't qualify, you may be able to look at renting one privately, or buying second hand)

I also think it would be reasonable fo you to sit down with him to talk about him about eating with the family and tailoring his routine to be around when you are - frame it both as something which you would like, so you (and any other family members) get to spend time with him, but also perhaps to suggest it might benefit him to try to get into a routine, both in terms of his own wellbeing and also so he doesn't have too big an adjustment to make when he returns to work / finds a new job. 

Best of luck to you both. 

frogga

Thank you TELLIT and Bagpuss.  TELLIT, I totally understand the point and I'l take it on board.  I did waffle.  I was a bit upset, and I ranted a bit. I should have edited it once I calmed down. Lesson learnt.

Bagpuss, I think you may be right. They are a small family run business and they really cant accommodate his needs like a big one could. They have been kind, when they didn't 'have' to. I don't think he would qualify for PIP as he isn't 'that' bad, and also there are far more deserving people.  I think he should just do the volunteering driving in the morning as was suggested, I'm sure he could manage that.  I shall try to talk to him. Trouble is I just get upset and I can't help water falling out of my eyes like a big girl, and I hate that ;(  

I am very grateful to you both for your time in replying xx