Starting over again.....again!

Flutterby83

Not sure how to begin this, as it feels like I've been here a hundred times before! I've spent alot of time away from these boards aswell, so it feels like I've committed and act of betrayal! I also have this huge fear of being judged, even through a screen, and it sends my anxiety through the roof when I write anything down for others to see, however, my eldest son leaves for University in September, and I'm about to lose a huge chunk of my income as my tax credits are going to nose dive. I realize this is quite possibly the worst reason ever in the world for wanting to become debt free, especially given the situation of many others at the moment, and I'm sorry for this being my reason, but it's the only one I can genuinely use to make me pull my finger out. I have tried and failed previously, but I think alot of that was down to my husband not really being on board with it all, and him also not liking me being on my computer alot when he was home (I admit I became a little obsessed with reading the forum posts to gain information on different circumstances so that I could use it if needed - things like statute barred debts, dealing with creditors etc) but he had a bit of a realisation when he opened my Clubcard statement (other loyalty cards are available  ) from Dec - Feb, and realised that we spend over £4k a year on nothing there. So now I'm really wanting to clear as much of this debt as I can before September comes, to make things easier for us as a family. We will still have 3 girls at home after my son has left, so I want to make things as easy as possible on them too. 
I know alot of people start by posting SOA's (is that still a thing??), but I've also seen judgmental comments on some, so at the moment, the fear of this happening to me is stopping me posting one, but I have done one and I do know where I stand with it at the moment. I do our weekly shop at a well known cheaper supermarket (are we still not allowed to name names? Told you I'd been out the game for ages!) and only go to the other one for things I cannot get from there, e.g., my hubby won't give up his brand named coffee, no matter how hard he/we try, and we've tried pretty much all the cheaper ones out there!! 
Anyway, I'm aware I'm rambling now, so I'll just get straight to the point - I have a credit card, a catalogue account, a hire purchase, and a loan that constitute my current debt (I think - I'm rushing, so there's probably more, but this is what is bugging me at the moment). Again, it might not seem alot to some, but to me it bothers me that I was so stupid to run up so much debt. It was ridiculously easy, especially with the credit card. And they just kept putting my limits up, so I just kept spending more    When I was young, newly divorced, and a single mom to 3 kids under 4 years old, I used credit to pay for things the kids needed because I was left with alot of my ex-husbands debts (they were stupidly in my name), as well as running a house with young children. I actually paid this off a few years ago, then developed a shopping addiction as it seemed to be the only way I could make myself happy. This has carried on for years, and when my Dad died, it was another way to cheer myself up, and then I got poorly (trauma of my Dad's death), and again it was a way to make myself feel worthy. I put on a huge amount of weight through the meds I was on, which meant more shopping as I had no clothes that fit me. Until Covid hit, I was still shopping beyond my means, not just for me but for my kids too. I'm pretty sure that the lockdowns have killed my addiction as I have had to shield for alot of it, so I my *need* to shop seems to have dwindled, and fear of leaving the house has pretty much taken over. I have had to buy some stuff for the kids over lockdown, and I'm finding that I'm begrudging spending money now! I need new trainers, but I'm putting that off too!
Sorry, I'm rambling again....
I have realised how much money I was previously spending with everything being shut, so now I want to use it to pay off the debt I've accumulated. I suppose I'm writing here to keep myself accountable, and my aim is to use this as a diary (debt-free diaries - doh!) to not only look back on in September, but also as somewhere that I can be proud of myself when I pay things off. It seems that I'm not surrounded by people who are as keen to pay their debts off as I am, so I don't actually know anyone who would understand my elation, therefore I will leave it to here. 
If you got this far, then give yourself a huge pat on the back and another cup of tea! 
Thank you for reading 

Narola1976

Just stopping by to wish you good luck! Take a deep breath and make a plan. I recommend the Debt Payoff Planner Snowball/ Avalance App available on Android and iPhone

Flutterby83

Good morning, hope you are well! 
This morning, I have paid a big chunk I have saved over the last few weeks off my credit card, which now takes the balance to £3231.14, and my catalogue to £562.60. I'm trying to pay my credit card off first, as that's the one that is not only in my face constantly, but it also has the highest interest rate... I don't pay interest on my catalogue, and both the loan and hire purchase are 4.5% apr, whereas my credit card is a whopping 29.9%, which they're apparently putting up to 32.5% in 60 days, that was a nice letter to read     
So today will now consist of baking easter cakes with my 9 year old home educated daughter, while my 15 year old bakes hot cross buns before having her lateral flow test this afternoon in preparation for returning to school on Thursday. I also picked up a truckload of seeds from our local reduced price supermarket, we used them last year and they were brilliant as well as being so much cheaper than what we've previously used, so we might venture into the greenhouse to plant some of those later on. It does look like it's going to be a lovely sunny day here so I'm hopeful I can get some of this washing out on the line instead of having to use the heated airers. I know they're better than the tumble dryer, but I've managed to get away with only using one for the last couple of days, and I much prefer the smell off line dried clothes! 
Thank you for reading, and I hope you all have a lovely day 

Flutterby83

Wow, it's been a while! 
We've realised that what I am trying to do might actually be impossible at the moment. Our older kids went back to school, and we found out that the uniforms they spent 3 months in are now too small, and the youngest (who doesn't have a uniform) has just grown out of everything! I had to use my credit card to pay for new uniforms/clothes/shoes for all of them, which meant what I had paid off was obselete because I'd just put it all back on it! I know that's not going to be every month, but it feels like there's always something - kids growing, mother's day, birthdays, fathers day, etc etc - so we've decided that we're going to pay minimum payments for 2 months so we have some sort of emergency fund, then we're going to start ploughing everything back onto the debts. We agreed it's probably the best way to do things, and to stop me stressing when the kids or the house need something.
Anyway, just a quick one today! 

elbree

Hi @Flutterby83, well done for getting started. It is REALLY brave to post up and start sharing. I think it's really sensible to build a fund for spending for more once in a while items. Good luck! 

designingalife

Good luck on your journey, don't worry what others think we are all on here for similar reasons and you only need to share what you feel comfortable with , you are already making good progress well done!!