Career change from HR and leaving my current job

hayley037

I currently work in HR having moved into it a few years back after doing an operations role at the company I currently work for.  A new senior management team came in a couple of years ago due to a restructure and I got a new boss too, for the first few months everything was fine but then they started to change the company quite significantly, it felt like it moved to a more ruthless environment, profit driven and very structured - the buzzwords they use are entrepreneurial and fast paced which to me seems to mean you're expected to do twice as much work and show a lot of commitment to the company. Of course I would expect that after a restructure and have stuck it out.

However I'm really struggling at the moment and am not sure if it is just due to my boss or whether this is just what HR is really like and I should be looking for another career change. The culture of the company has dramatically changed but it still tries to portray a people/wellbeing first type culture although in my opinion this is just lip service however I accept that I am fairly cynical about these types of things. The HR department has been rebranded to 'People' and my boss is extremely career driven, she seems to want to be the ultimate HR professional and seems hellbent on introducing 'progressive' initiatives and changing the company culture to what she wants it to be (this falls under the 'change agent' philosophy in HR). She has made it clear she gets her energy from extroverted, driven people and she wants the company to have that type of culture about it.

This is where I am having major problems and just don't think I fit in at the company any longer, it's just making me feel stressed and anxious as I literally can't stop thinking and worrying about work especially as an introvert who likes to fade into the background and just get on with my work with clear boundaries between home and work life. I've never really been career driven and do see it more as a job whereas to her she will work 12-14 hour days and weekends, cancel annual leave because she's bored and work through illness. I think to her it is almost like a hobby and so work is the central part of her life. Throughout Covid and lockdown there has been no let up and in fact she seems to be thriving more than ever which makes it all the more relentless for me as she is constantly inventing new projects or initiatives just so we have things to do, micromanaging remotely, meetings twice a day asking what we're working on and progress reports so if there is a hint of downtime she'll look to create more work and the constant drive for 'continuous professional development' which means participating in external courses and online networking events. She also plays the martyr complaining about how much she has to do which also adds to the anxiety because it feels like I'm not as committed or not doing enough and not helping her by working in the evening or at weekends too.

On top of this there is the expectation that as part of this new People department we have to be much more visible than a traditional HR function. She wants me to do regular check-ins and 121's with everybody at the company as part of a wellbeing initiative to make sure everyone is okay (I always thought this was the managers job and I was there to advise?). As well as being an introvert and feeling awkward when people talk to me about their issues I do not feel remotely qualified to essentially be a therapist to dozens of people especially on Zoom - I feel mentally shattered from it. This goes alongside things like posting Happy Birthday messages and making a fuss about people on the company Teams chat group to try and foster a 'work family' type environment - these are people at the company I might not have ever spoken to at work but now I'm having to wish them Happy Birthday, I find it so fake and cringeworthy. A couple of weeks ago she arranged a Zoom cocktail making thing one afternoon for the last hour of the day, I don't really do these types of things as it just isn't my thing and now that I'm in my late 30's don't really go to work for the social side of things as I have my friends outside of work. She told me that as part of my role I am not just expected to attend but to lead the social/forced fun stuff. This will be the case I imagine when we eventually return to the office and will include after work events. It's actually my worst nightmare.

Other things that have really caused me a lot of stress;
- Lack of boundaries as she will regularly text me on my days off to ask if I've done something - it is usually non-urgent and something I have on my to-do list but she can't switch off from even a minor admin task until it is done. When I brought up contacting me whilst I was on leave in a 121 she said that support teams can never really switch off.
- She will use Teams to send me messages throughout the day which are basically her train of thought about how she is feeling about work I've done that isn't to her standards (she's a perfectionist), it just feels like constant criticism as well as being a constant distraction.
- I used to feel really empowered and never really hesitated to do something in a proactive way but now due to the micromanaging feel I have to run everything I do by her.
- Using Teams to foster the culture and drive employee engagement by posting on it like it is social media for example alongside the birthday messages on Teams I am expected to post motivational quotes and ask how everyone's weekend was and things like that.
- Use my own personal social media to promote the company and regularly post on Linkedin in particular.
- I feel like I have to constantly have to be the person she wants me to be, it's almost controlling really and I think she justifies it by thinking she is helping my career development, if I question something in my role she will say that 'as a HR professional you are expected to do this' or something along those lines.

I have tried to empathise with her and understand that perhaps throwing herself into work has been her way of getting through the pandemic. She is probably under huge amounts of stress from her superiors too as wellbeing and peoples general happiness will fall under her remit so she is doing what she thinks is best to keep staff turnover low and try to show that we are still working as HR has always tended to be in the background due to the confidential nature of it. But it feels so overwhelming and I am at the point where I literally dread my job. I also think, despite this post, that she is a nice person with a good heart so feel guilty and dislike myself for having developed such a negative outlook upon her as a manager.

I guess I feel very down towards having chosen HR as a career path now and realised quite a while back that I should move on, however as you can imagine finding a new job is easier said than done at the moment. I am trying to concentrate on finding a job in a more analytical side of HR as I think that might be where my speciality might lie rather than a similar role to what I am currently doing although it would be good to hear what others who might also work in HR think. I'm also wondering if this is the way the working world is going with this kind of millennial/google culture - are other workplaces like this particularly in London? Maybe I'm in the wrong industry. I also suffer from a bit of imposter syndrome which I think is why I've stuck it out at this place for so long and rarely do any job hunting but I feel so burnt out and anxious from this job now that it has reached the point where I feel I have to get out even if it means a pay cut.

I also wondered if anyone has any experience in asking for a settlement agreement to leave because their job description had changed from what they signed up for and whether or not it might be something worth considering as I don't think I can afford to hand in my notice without having something else lined up or a settlement that would see me through until I got a new job. My reason for thinking that this might be a good option is that I have had to sit in quite a few settlement conversations since the new management team came in so know what the general payouts have been and also it would allow my boss and management to get someone else in who will be on board with their vision and culture. I do worry about how my boss would react though as she would probably see it as reflecting badly on her as a manager, I also know that despite not probably being the type of enthusiastic employee they want, I am very competent, reliable and valued by others so they might be hesitant to agree to it based on that as they might see it as a gamble and cost to recruit someone else.

I'd be very grateful for any advice.

fiisch

I sympathise with your situation - I have at times felt imposter syndrome, and I also tend to prefer working alone rather than thrust into leading workshops or talking in front of large groups of people.  

You probably know this far better than I given your role, but wouldn't you have had to raise a formal grievance / issue regarding job description change first prior to requesting a settlement agreement?  Your boss sounds like one of these: "up at 4am, coffee, eggs, 26 hours of work, bed for 10 mins, back to work" LinkedIn posters, and contacting you on days off and micromanaging is not on.

Could you not confront her about her behaviour in first instance?  She probably doesn't realise the effect she is having on you.  Write down the key points before the conversation so you have them clear in your mind - this will be far easier to do via Zoom so you can reel off the key points that are making you unhappy at work.  As someone who works in HR, I have to believe she will at least listen to your grievance and try and correct accordingly.  

In terms of a new job, have you considered similar role but different industry?  Financial Services HR departments tend to be fairly formal/more traditional in their approach.

Savvy_Sue

I didn't want to read and run, and I'm no help at all, but I'm right there with you in not wanting work to be my social life! Cringing at the cocktails - was any thought given to those who don't drink for cultural or other reasons?

Our place hired sumo wrestler fatsuits for an afternoon of an away day. I was about to go on leave and excused myself to finish urgent work. 

Rachlou_25

Hey I don’t work in HR but I really feel you here, I used to have a boss who had similar ways of working.  This woman sounds truly awful and I know that most managers aren’t like that.  In my career, I haven’t come across anyone else like my old boss in 10 years.

I totally relate on imposter syndrome as well! The best way to give yourself an ego boost is to start applying for other jobs, like Fisch said maybe in a different industry?  I was so low last year because I had an awful client, they made me feel like I didn’t deserve my job and I kind of believed them - would think about it constantly wondering if I should change career, imposter syndrome is so real.  

But it doesn’t need to be like this abs really it shouldn’t be, you are deserving of your position - it’s an unfortunate case of working for a micro manager.  Taking the steps to better your situation and break free of your horrible boss will do you the world of good.  

Wishing you all the best!

hayley037

Thank you all for the kind replies. It really is soul destroying at the moment, I feel like I am in one of those temp office roles you have in your first couple of years of work and you're just constantly ordered about and told how to act and behave rather than a CIPD qualified HR professional with years of working experience.

Could you not confront her about her behaviour in first instance?
I have brought it up a few times in 121's but she always counters with a 'this is what is expected of a HR professional' or 'this is your job' type response.  I don't think there is any telling her as work is such a big thing in her life, she is very passionate about it and the company culture which I think she feels is her role to change/influence. She has said that support teams can't switch off as their role is to support.

was any thought given to those who don't drink for cultural or other reasons?
Yeah there was non-alcoholic options, the turnout was low as I think people are just so fatigued from constant Zoom things that they would rather just have a break, this has made all the more determined though as she thinks it was the event itself rather than just another Zoom thing so is coming up with more ideas to drive engagement rather than admitting defeat - I think being an extrovert and trying to enforce this forced friendships/family feeling clouds her judgement on it. The problem for me is that she sees it as a core part of my role so I'm not allowed to opt-out. When we go back to the office it will be 10 times worse. 

The best way to give yourself an ego boost is to start applying for other jobs, like Fisch said maybe in a different industry?
I have applied for so many jobs over the last month or so but am not getting any interviews at all, just a constant stream of rejection emails.  I'm guessing it's due to the pandemic.  I have been looking at specialising in the Rewards/Benefits side of HR as I think that is an area that might suit me and match my skills but I guess with only HR generalist experience it's easier said than done getting into one of these roles. 

MovingForwards

Sounds like a nightmare. Whilst I get where she is coming from, as a manager she shouldn't be pushing people to participate. 

To a certain extent I've been your manager, worked 18h days, 7 days a week, took short holidays but kept working. That was for my benefit and chasing a promotion I was never going to be given. The rot set in, like it has with you, and that was partly the reason for the end of my professional career. Now I just do a job and it pays the bills, got it off the back of all my experience in my old career. 

My department is trying to make things 'fun' and I refuse to attend. I certainly have never promoted any company I've worked at on social media, nor would I use my personal accounts for it if I ever referenced working for a company. If someone kept contacting me on my days off, they would be blocked. We all need downtime from work.

In your shoes I would keep plugging away trying to find another company and work in their HR department instead. See if you can shake the jaded feeling off and if not apply for other jobs based on skills, experience and what you did like.

jobbingmusician

I think I might try explaining to your boss (who sounds a nightmare, by the way) that you like to work as part of a team, and your strengths are quiet reflective work where you can focus on detail and support more outgoing people. Say you are quite happy to undertake some of the boring repetitive checking type stuff and allow others to focus on being life and soul of the party.  I would also call her out about contacting you with non-urgent work on rest days.  Yes, a team may have to be on call, but this is for URGENT stuff, not for ordinary work.  Say that it is very disruptive to your personal life to be called by work on days off, and while you appreciate that this may sometimes be necessary, perhaps she would like to define why she felt a call was necessary for (give example). Make sure this discussion is minuted, or send her an email to this effect!  Then you have a basis for a grievance against her if you need to raise one. (Can you tell I am really angry on your behalf?)

I also think that the advice to find another job is good.  And I hope you will have an exit interview where you are able to report (not to the boss) what the problems were as clearly as you have set them out here.

Marcon

I didn't need to read much of your post to clock that the words 'personality clash' and 'culture clash' were flashing in neon lights!

I think the unhappy reality is that your workplace has changed in a way you are never going to be comfortable with. It may well take time to get another job - you've only been trying 'for the last month or so' - but at least freedom will be out there sooner or later.

Your thinking does seem quite muddled: she's a nice person with a good heart, I can't stand her attitude, the lines are blurred...ever thought of doing a bit of assertion training? Might work wonders, at least in terms of getting you through the next few months.