Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my cousin I can't afford to attend her hen weekend?

whydoineedone

Agree with the others. She should realise her plans are out of the reach of some, and that unless she lowers her plans, some will simply not be able to attend. Don’t feel bad about saying you can’t be there - and don’t get into debt to please her . 

gocurlygirl

Yes,just let her know that you can't go because you are unable to afford it,but would like a day/lunch/beauty treatment together that you can afford.
Nice as it is for all to have time away,you would not enjoy it and I am sure there will be others in the same situation.I feel you are a caring person and will let her know nicely.

bikaga

I think hen weekends are a terrible invention. You're already expected to go to the wedding, possibly buy a dress, get a present, pay for the drinks at the reception, all for someone else? And then add another weekend with activities and accommodation and transport. It's really inconsiderate of a bride to do unless all her friends are swimming in money. Just tell her. She needs a reality check. (I'm saying this as a former bride. I would've been mortified to plan anything expensive on top of the wedding!)

asasas

Pollycat 

(but then again, I have a very low opinion of people who plan expensive hen parties and lavish weddings and expect people to be able to afford to indulge their whims by assuming they will attend whatever it costs).

Couldn't agree more!!! There's nothing more inconsiderate than being wrapped up in your own pink bridezilla bubble and expecting your friends to attend a hen do in Amsterdam, followed by your wedding in Mauritius and not even contemplating that people might need their Annual Leave to cover school holidays and they need their budget to cover [important] family costs.

I'm sorry, but this is not *really* a dilemma, is it?! If you can't afford a lavish do, you can't afford it. Don't tell me that you're seriously thinking of not telling her, just going ahead with it and ending up in debt because of a hen do?!

74jax

asasas said:

Pollycat 

(but then again, I have a very low opinion of people who plan expensive hen parties and lavish weddings and expect people to be able to afford to indulge their whims by assuming they will attend whatever it costs).

Couldn't agree more!!! There's nothing more inconsiderate than being wrapped up in your own pink bridezilla bubble and expecting your friends to attend a hen do in Amsterdam, followed by your wedding in Mauritius and not even contemplating that people might need their Annual Leave to cover school holidays and they need their budget to cover [important] family costs.

I'm sorry, but this is not *really* a dilemma, is it?! If you can't afford a lavish do, you can't afford it. Don't tell me that you're seriously thinking of not telling her, just going ahead with it and ending up in debt because of a hen do?!

No I 'think' the dilemma is the op can't afford (so not going - there's no doubt about that) but does she say why to the bride, or make something up. 
It wouldn't bother me saying something was more than I was willing to pay, but some people maybe don't want to.
It's a money saving dilemma though, so we'll never know..... 😂

Indigo_and_Violet

Dizzybird_22 said:

I'm guessing some of the extra cost are occurring due to the venues etc trying to make up for lost revenue. If you are helping to organise the hen do, you need to sit down with the bride as soon as possible and discuss the finances. Maybe even involve the other hens as they may be in the same boat.  
I'm admittedly an old dinosaur,  but my hen do was a meal out at a local restaurant. I was a bit extravagant and had two, one for family and one for work colleague. Who on earth started the whole "let's make a big weekend out of it" has a lot to answer for! 

I think a lot of it is to do with friendships being more geographically dispersed. Phone and internet have made it easier to keep in touch with people even if you live far apart, and more people going to uni means people are less likely to live where they grew up. 
My family, school and uni friends are spread across the whole country. If I wanted a meal out with my emotionally (rather than geographically) closest friends at least half would have to stay over somewhere. Once that many are staying over its a slippery slope to let's all book somewhere together and then let's also do something the day after and then trains in the UK are so expensive let's fly somewhere for the same money and so on. For those that have the money once its almost a holiday it might as well be a full holiday, and then it ends up feeling like a test of how much you value someone's friendship. A proper minefield.
That said, I'd take it over a hen do with my work colleagues! I see enough of them during the week.