Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my cousin I can't afford to attend her hen weekend?

TBagpuss

Tell her that you can't afford it. And if you can, I would actually say that in any group discussion you have - it may well be that there are others who are also going to struggle but haven't said so, you may find if you raise the point that 3 or 4 others immediately speak up and say that they wont be able to afford the bigger options, either. 

Yu can also,  offer solutions - e.g. tell her that what she is planning sounds great, but is not affordable for you, so you wont be able to come but would be able to join than for part of the weekend (e.g. if she is planning to stay in a 5 star hotel, have a spa day and then a posh meal, you could tell her you can't afford all that but are happy to arrange your own (cheaper) accommodation, and join her for the evening meal. Or whatever element of the event you could join in with within your budget. 
Or tell her you'd love to be able to come, but it's out of your budget and would she consider staying at a less expensive hotel / having the meal at a different restaurant with lower charges, for instance. )

If having you there for the full event is important to her than she is free to offer to cover part of your costs.

But you absolutely should not put yourself under financial strain just so she can have a big party.

LKAY

It's really not hard, is it?!  Just open your mouth and say that unfortunately you can no longer afford to attend. Soften it by adding you are sorry to let her down, but your finances and financial commitments mean you cannot go. Job done.
She may take the huff... that would show she is an unreasonable person. That's not your problem.

Pollycat

LKAY said:

It's really not hard, is it?!  Just open your mouth and say that unfortunately you can no longer afford to attend. Soften it by adding you are sorry to let her down, but your finances and financial commitments mean you cannot go. Job done.
She may take the huff... that would show she is an unreasonable person. That's not your problem.

I think she's quite likely to take the huff - based on the fact she thinks it's OK to change arrangements that have been made and make things more expensive for her friends and family (the originator of the dilemma is the bride's cousin).

Bridezillas can only see things one way - their way.

lizzblue

Yes, you should tell. We have all had a difficult year and money is tight for some people. She wouldn't be much of a friend if she didn't understand that. Why has it got to be more expensive anyway?

Murphy14

Whilst I feel sorry for your cousin having her wedding cancelled, I can't believe that she is planning such an expensive hen night when so many people have lost jobs and are very short of money. Tell her as gently as you can that the cost will be beyond your means. 

thedr

It’s not your fault that you can’t afford it. Be honest and explain that it’s not because you don’t want to go, it’s simply related to the finances. Neither of you have any reason to feel guilty. 

JayD

Please just be up front and tell her you would love to go but as it is now going to cost more than you can afford, you will have to decline her kind invitation. End of!

samtastic7

Yes tell her don't feel bad 
Whi invented hen weekends anyway. Then there the wedding and  present. If you have a few friends marry similar time its a nightmare 

samtastic7

Kim_kim said:

gothvixen said:

Gender reveal parties will gradually fade away now that peoople are being killed by ridiculous stunts they plan. What's it going to take for people to stop holding stag and hen parties that span several days and involve enormous expense? I hoped the last year might encourage people to be more realistic and value smaller events with the people they care about most. Tell her you can't afford it, you won't be the only one after the financial difficulties people have been suffering. She has to face this realit, as lots of others won't be able to go, and you are family, so should do the right thing. Expecting others to pay a lot to be part of your celebration is immensely conceited.

When I was young a stag or hen night was the local pub or nightclub & maybe a meal thrown in.  That was it, one night.  

And they wonder why young folj can't afford a house... priorities all wrong 

samtastic7

pollypenny said:

On the one hand we have young people comply that they can't afford to buy a house, then we have hen weekends, not hen nights, then weddings which cost a fortune. 

This woman must know people have had a hard year, she needs to get real. I doubt the OP 
will be the only one who can't afford this indulgence. 

Agree. New cars latest phone.  Nails lashes. Brows different world to buting a house in the 80s and paying 12% interest on our mortgage