2021- The year of the DMP but hopefully better mental health!

sunshinevicky

Hey! Well where to start? My mess? Well the mess looks like this...
8 creditors owing about £27k...creditors are a silly consolidation loan, 3 CCs, 2 catologues, Next and 1 store card....no excuses I built the debt up by not being sensible and mainly not changing my habits when I went on maternity leave 5 years ago and returned part time after!
I have an amazing husband who knows nothing about my mess.... he is super fantastic with money and works in finance and if he knew I know he would be so bitterly disappointed in me and would even leave. Our finances have always been seperate with no financial links- even mortgage is in his name only so I am so far managing to keep DMP from him.... although I think some of what keeps me up at night is wishing I could tell him just so I wasn’t hiding things but I just know I can’t!
My LBM was back in April last year and we had been in lockdown around a month, my anxiety was through the rough and everyone put it down to lockdown but I knew it was the fact my finances were so bad I couldn’t afford to carry on how I was. I think I just realised even though I never missed a Payment I was still not managing to get by without using a credit card.... i panicked and then to cut a long story short found this site and the DMP thread. 

I have gone SM and the first few months I was on edge constantly.... now I have 6/8 defaults and payments set up and am starting to realise living to a budget is possible and actually material things are not what makes me happy (woah bit deep there!)
I am saving a small amount each month to build an EF but also to hopefully in the very distant future be able to maybe make some F&F! 

I am plodding along feeling much less anxiety on a daily basis but still struggling with days when the anxiety hits me- I know it is all my fault but I worry about what the silly decisions I made in the past could cost me (non monetary), I worry about if I will ever be debt free and I worry about people finding out about my debts and what they will think of me!
So what brings me here? Well I stumbled acrossed Jwil and her diary on here and she gave me some hope and inspired me to do this. I feel like I’m going to try and post weekly on here just to help get any worries/successes/thoughts out! I’m hoping it will help me on these anxious days and on the nights I can’t switch my brain off from thinking What If!
I promise not every post will be this long- I will try and just update you on how I’m doing in terms of saving/ being frugal and ides for helping save money! My first one this week when I realised my DD is going to be in need of some new clothes usually DH would send me money for this but I’m trying to show him I am not totally useless so I’ve sorted all her clothes and have listed them on eBay- so far current bids at around £15 .... this will then go towards her next size up clothes! Small steps eh! 

Anyway thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this!
Much love
X

MB148

You are making some really positive steps and face the challenge of keeping this quiet, are you sure your husband would leave if he was to discover the debt? If he is good with finances maybe he could help, i.e writing up a budget and making sure his contributions to the household are the same as you?
Never the less you are doing the right thing in facing up to the debt and getting things in order, good luck!

sunshinevicky

MB148 said:

You are making some really positive steps and face the challenge of keeping this quiet, are you sure your husband would leave if he was to discover the debt? If he is good with finances maybe he could help, i.e writing up a budget and making sure his contributions to the household are the same as you?
Never the less you are doing the right thing in facing up to the debt and getting things in order, good luck!

Hey thanks for the reply! I just know I can’t tell my husband- he already pays most of the household bills which is another reason in feel so bad for getting myself in this mess! He also pays for any holidays, day trips family meals out (not that we are doing any of this at the moment!) and since I went part time all he asks of me is to pay a few bills and to pay for our daughters childcare costs. Maybe in time when I have got the debts down I may be able to but at the moment I just can’t risk him finding out.
thanks again for reading and responding! 

jwil

Aww I've just spotted this, thank you!

You can do it!  As time goes on hopefully your anxiety will reduce as you start feeling more in control.   What's done is done, you can't change it, but you can work on your plans for the future.

Well done on the listings - decluttering and also raising money to replace items.  It all helps!