Different side to the story..

scotlass99

HiThis might be a long one..so please bear with me.
My partner split from his ex around 6 years ago. From the day he left he set up a DD for £30 which went into his daughters bank account each week. This arrangement continued for about 2 years when suddenly, out of the blue, his ex texts to tell him she is going to CSA.
So they calculate he has to pay £43 per week - £13 over what he was paying. At the time we'd just moved into a new house and were struggling as it was. His ex had a new partner and took great delight in telling him all the new things she has bought. So he paid the £43 every week.
In May of this year, my partner took a heart attack at age 40. It was devastating but he was very very lucky. He was off work for around 3 months, and during that time he agreed through CSA to pay £5 a week as he was receiving SSP. They didn't send him a form out to give to his bank so he accrued £65 arrears.
His ex phoned him to say that since she was having trouble getting money from CSA (even although he's been paying it) she would be happy with a private arrangement. Then, because he went back to work, he was re-assessed and payments were to be £67 per week. We were crushed. We were just trying to get back on track with missed mortgage payments etc and now this..
His ex said even although it had been re-assessed she only wanted £43 through private arrangement as she "didn't need the money". She sais she would send a letter into CSA to have case closed.Then, last week she texts to ask have we heard from the CSA. We haven't so don't reply. Yesterday she texts to say "If you can't be bothered to reply I can't be bothered to post the letter". This is many in the long line of threats and blackmail that she inflicts on my partner, who is still recovering from heart attack! So now she isn't going to cancel it.
My partner has no objection of paying for his daughter and never has although he very rarely sees her. His ex has plenty of money and at the last count their daughters christmas presents came to over £2000.
I haven't stopped crying all day and my partner is so angry. How is it that she can blackmail and use this against him when she knows that we are struggling? It seems the papers are full of PWC's not receiving money but no stories like ours.
If you are still reading...THANK YOU...and if anyone has any advice we would be very grateful!

enemes

Hi

I'm sorry to hear of the problems that you and your partner are being subjected to. I can't really advise you on any CSA related issues, but I will say that you should keep a record of the threatening texts that you are recieving ( just store them on the phone ... I did the same, and it proved very worthwhile in court!)

another point, is that you are probably dealing with CSA in Falkirk, which is a good thing going by the eperiences that I have had with them ... I Know, it was almost a compliment!!

Anyway, A'ra best!

kelloggs36

She may be over reacting but I can see it from her point of view - she has asked a question and your other half ignores her. All he had to do was to say no, he hadn't heard anything then her reaction may have been different. Perhaps he could bite the bullet and contact her to explain why he didn't reply - that may be enough to get her to write the letter. as horrid as it seems, she is the one holding the cards here and it may be as well to keep her sweet til the case is closed.

djdido2

Why does he rarely see his daughter????????

macaroni

kelloggs36 wrote: »

She may be over reacting but I can see it from her point of view - she has asked a question and your other half ignores her. All he had to do was to say no, he hadn't heard anything then her reaction may have been different. Perhaps he could bite the bullet and contact her to explain why he didn't reply - that may be enough to get her to write the letter. as horrid as it seems, she is the one holding the cards here and it may be as well to keep her sweet til the case is closed.

I agree. It infuriates me when my ex doesnt reply to texts or emails.

scotlass99

djdido2 wrote: »

Why does he rarely see his daughter????????

Because when he texts or phones her she doesn't answer or reply so he sees her when she gets back in touch.

paisley_lass

i agree with the others about the replying to txts thing and by law his ex is entitled to money to help bring up their daughter despite how well off she is and how much she can spend on xmas prezzies....its not her problem u and ur partner are struggling financially and i understand it can be hard but it sounds like sour grapes to me.... my advice is although u will be paying more stick to paying through the csa that way she cannot blackmail u and make demands when it suits her...sorry if what ive wrote seems harsh.

iluvfreebies

I personally think it is ppl like your partners ex that causes a lot of the problems with the agency. where a non resident parent is making adequate payment for the upkeep of their children aplications should not be allowed from greedy parents with care who just want to bleed the other person dry a lot of time its isnt even about the money it is just another stick to beat them with. One of the proposed changes to the system is that parents with care will have to deminstrate how they have tried to make a private arrangement before they can make an application to the agency so hopefully this will do away with such claims - is funny when they think they will be getting more and the assessment actually decreases though

kelloggs36

How can they prove it? In my case, although I wrote letters to my ex asking him to negotiate, he refused to acknowledge them, so all he has to do is to deny he was sent the letters. Also, he could just lie and say that he is willing to come to an agreement and then in reality not be, so it isn't something that can be proven very easily.

paisley_lass

where a non resident parent is making adequate payment for the upkeep of their children aplications should not be allowed from greedy parents with care who just want to bleed the other person dry a lot of time its isnt even about the money it is just another stick to beat them with.

what has been done here is a reassessment and with the increase obviously the csa see them have enough earnings for this amount...i thought the system worked so that they award a percentage of the absent parents earnings as maintenance.

im sure i would rather have what i was entitled to as a reciever of csa than being short changed....and im sure many others would too....hmm maybe im just a "greedy parent" but im sure id have more pleasure in having that stick to beat him :laugh:

macaroni

As I see it ( and I guess as the CSA see it) you need to account for providing for you children BEFORE you commit to extra outgoings. If they were living with you they would hopefully be No1 priority, so whats the difference when they dont live with you?