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First Steps to Solvency

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  • Well that's interesting, there's your reason right there for not spending £500 on gifts each Christmas and birthday.  Expecting that sort of thing is exactly the way that he could develop into a spoilt and unfulfilled adult. 

    We have two children, aged 8 and 3, and I would say we spend approx £30 each birthday. I usually get something second hand for my son, as he will grow out of it quickly, he will be 4 next month and I got the Paw Patrol 'sea patroller' in perfect nick for £25 instead of £70. As if he would notice it wasn't brand new. We're not skint, it just doesn't make sense to buy new. 

    We do spend a bit more at Christmas, maybe £80 to £100 each, that includes a Christmas Eve bundle of new xmas pyjamas and a fluffy onesie, sweeties and maybe an xmas eve film or board game.  (I get them matching pyjamas from Asda, so cute, and they wear them all year). This actually started because I will of course often work on Christmas so it was a way of celebrating Christmas eve but we might not have 'our' Christmas until the 28th.

    They always get a small Lego, chocolate coins and a Beanie Boo teddy in their stocking and then a present from us under the tree (I got the 'air patroller' for £15). Don't you think your son would be happy with something like that, and a few 'traditions' of what he might find in his stocking? I think you underestimate him. 

    By the time grandparents and aunties and even our old neighbour give them gifts they end up with about 7 more, watch I think is TOO much. They get overwhelmed.

    As I've said before, we are comfortably off and want for nothing, but I can't bear the idea of my kids not appreciating what they have. We are always keen to remind them of how lucky they are, and talk about giving their toys to children who don't have any. When they were small I always told people just to make a donation to Save the Children instead, and do you think my kids ever noticed?

    In regards to presents for each other, a chocolate orange is exactly what we do! You only seem to get the dark chocolate ones at Christmas! Also, a pre-Christmas meal out together, we try to go somewhere with lots of decorations etc. (Ok, my hubby doesn't give two hoots about the decorations, but I do). I appreciate this may be unlikely for all of us this Christmas...

    Oooh, getting excited for xmas as I type! Still waiting for my rota to see if I'll be working though. 

    I realise I've just babbled on about our family Christmas... but I promise it doesn't take much to make it special and start a few special traditions.  

    Also, if you can, go to your in laws for Christmas day to both save money and reduce the pressure on your wife.  (I do NOT go to my in laws, but that's another story plus they can't cook. )
  • warby68
    warby68 Posts: 3,138 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    @alt80
    It sounds a tough couple of days but all of it is good really. 
    I think the post above is the first time you've admitted that you might not have bought the RR had you thought it through - that's a big step and a big admission.
    We did the big Christmas piles but half it is low value or stuff they need (they loved having a whole box of cheap crackers to themselves for example) - they enjoyed the opening far more than the contents. Now they're grown, the piles are tiny but phenomenally expensive lol. We also did a pre-Christmas clear out so they could donate to the various Christmas appeals for toys and gifts. Between me and OH, once we had children, we have ranged from nothing to jokey things to get the best you can for £50. A choc orange does just fine. We do Secret Santa with a spend limit for wider family to reduce the spends on tat - everyone gets something really nice although the social aspect of that is a bit shot this year. Your son is 6, he'll enjoy ripping the paper and you being together and the fun - he won't be clocking whether Daddy spent £500 on Mummy, unless you make it about that. 
    That new SoA shows over half your income , about £4.2k, on cars, credit cards and school. The cards can go in about 2 years if you stick to a budget. If you really can't hack ithat paydown period then the other items will have to come back on the table. Or some 'reset' via sale of a couple of business assets. Here is your big advantage compared to many - you DO have a lot of options, not many are very palatable to you at the moment but just knowing they are there might start to count hopefully when you can't sleep at night or switch off. Take care.

  • alt80
    alt80 Posts: 4,663 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    edited 15 October 2020 at 9:46PM
    Goals W/C 12th Oct

    1. Spend less than £50 entertainment probably not going to be hard this week. £0 - feeling confident we aren't going to spend £50 especially being in lockdown lol
    2. £10 groceries spend (have everything we need so should not be spending anymore than a few quid on milk or loaf of bread). £5.40 bought milk and a little box of white Lindt chocolates for wife. She loves them but won't buy chocolate for herself.
    3. Check and update the Yolt app daily. Done but nothing to update. It told me I’ve spent £2900 less than this time last month!
    4. Structured work days - 9am starts 5.45pm finishes, emails off in evening. Lunch with wife. Eat dinner with family rather than wife cooking twice. Working from home all week (lockdown) apart from fee earners booked. Check really bad night waking up so despite short working day due to counselling was glad to switch the emails off
    5. Train with wife 4x this week. Going to regret this I know haha. She’s already decided what we’re doing so no chance of backing out now. Rest thank god lol felt like a zombie all day.
    6. Activity with son everyday - probably going to be dog walk not going to be allowed to do much else... Dog walk and bedtime story. Wanted to stay in but felt better after wife got my coat and dragged me out of the house tonight

    Not feeling like this tonight because I'm likely to make mistakes but to do tomorrow:

    1. 0% deals work out
    2. 'November' budget (from 26th October)
    3. Update current budget. I think there could be a tiny surplus as we are now back in lockdown. Just going to throw whatever is left (if anything) at the end of the month on the debts. 

    Talked about holidays with wife tonight. I've budgeted £2000/a. I would like to make one holiday a 2 week visit to my parents in Greece. They would love to see their grandson once a year and it would be a super cheap holiday for us (flights, ferry and a little bit of spending money to cross onto the larger island / go on a day trip / have 2-3 meals in different places (my parents have a 'traditional' taverna out there (all authentically greek apart from the parents hahaha dad has spent years and years learning how to cook greek dishes)). Wife happy to do this and for us to try to get 1 week holiday in uk or maybe france (would have about £1250 for the second trip). Know this should probably be put towards debts rather than going away. I find holidays are quite important to me and time to relax away from home is important to me.
  • alt80
    alt80 Posts: 4,663 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    edited 15 October 2020 at 10:12PM
    @clairebeth my wife is Christmas obsessed! Don't need to worry about presents for this year he's got loads already ha. We also have lots of our own traditions and whilst wife would have decs up as soon as the clocks go back and I push it back to 1st Dec I actually love it too. Not gonna lie I'm enough of a child to still like the decs and the 'magic' lol.

    Happy to share a few of the things we do (most not at all expensive):
    - Hide presents for son around house, he enjoys finding them more than the presents lol
    - Santa train
    - Decorate tree/ house together
    - Christmas lights walk pick different places each night for three weeks before and during
    - Christmas lights drive once / twice a week for three weeks (see above)
    - Hot chocolate with marshmallows in front of fire with Christmas films on. 100% cringe I know haha.
    - Northern Belle train with wife (this IS expensive) booked for this year and paid for already not sure we'll be able to do it again for a while but if you've never done it I highly recommend at least once, it's brilliant.

    As for Christmas at in-laws not looking likely this year but for the past few years her family usually come to us and MIL usually cooks with wife helping. Probably sounds weird but my house is larger than theirs and they have 4 children plus grandchildren. They never all come. FIL moans about it every year it's happened lol. 

    @warby68 trying to stay as upbeat as I can tbh not going to help myself getting into some black hole of self pity lol. In a strange way actually feeling quite optimistic for the future being better for family rather than always putting myself first.

    Right now I think I probably need the paydown. Don't like / not going to enjoy it and no doubt at times I'm probably going to regret it. Right now I think it's important for me to not take easy option - I need to learn to live to a budget or I'm never going to do it. Get to the point of £10k/m income, I'll spend £15k/m etc etc it will never end because nothing will ever be enough for me. Put it in black and white because next week I'll probably want to go and spaff another £40k up the wall.

  • FootyFanDan
    FootyFanDan Posts: 1,739 Forumite
    Sixth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Hey, I just wanted to show my face and support on your diary 😁. It’s definitely been an up and down journey but the last few post seem to suggest ur seeing things in different ways. As others have said whilst we can go back over choices we made in the past but we can’t change those; the future and the changes you make now are what count. There is some really positive signs and it won’t all happen at once but ur mindset now seems to be adjusting slightly

    My mrs is also in the loving Xmas camp 😂 but we always try do a tradition we generally go out for a family meal Xmas eve ( guess that might change this year) and then do lil ones Xmas eve box with an Xmas film and some nice festive pjs which I’m sure the lil one will thank me for in years to come haha! We always try remind her how lucky she is and it seems to hit home, I genuinely believe it’s more about enjoying some family time together. 

    You our are doing really well with the changes u r trying to implement, keep going you got this mate
  • RelievedSheff
    RelievedSheff Posts: 12,691 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Sixth Anniversary Name Dropper Photogenic
    I think deep down everyone enjoys Christmas just a little bit. We dont have kids but we still put the tree up and the decorations up the first weekend in December and we love watching Christmas films tucked up warm on the sofa.

    This year will be different as there won't be the Christmas markets or light switch on's but we will make the most of what we can do.

    We don't give lots of gifts as a family. Last year most of our presents too each other were bits that we wanted for the house. It was more that we had something to open while sat around the tree on Christmas morning. It will probably be the same again this year. I know the gifts I have gotten for the other half are all bits that we will both enjoy in the house for years to come.
  • alt80
    alt80 Posts: 4,663 Forumite
    Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    @FootyFanDan good to ‘see’ you mate and thanks. Tbh the crux of my problem is my greed knows no bounds haha. I’ve realised there’s no ‘noble’ reason for having spent my whole adult life in some form of debt. Not overly bothered about all of it but am about the cards - stupid spends on those mainly just living it up.

    Xmas eve meal out we don’t but a lot of good memories of spending time growing up with parents in a big old country pub at this time of year. Xmas eve / NYE were definitely the highlights of mine and sister’s year. Christmas Day wasn’t usually the main event unless dad had big winnings lol.

    @RelievedSheff Son always loves his presents from Greece the most - Never anything really exciting but he’s obsessed with the Greek alphabet lol. So yes I get it’s generally the simple things he likes right now. Tells his schoolmates he’s half-Greek his teacher had a word with wife about it just he doesn’t understand living abroad doesn’t mean from that country. Put a stop on wife buying him a new iPad Air - he’s got an ipad doesn’t need a new one.

    We love Xmas markets real shame nothing happening this year tbh. 

    @Andyjflet I get you’re not a JLR man but ‘crappy inside, cheap and nasty’ maybe an Evoque but no way would JLR get away with !!!!!! interiors in a FFRR lol. Really not looking to VT the range. 
  • warby68
    warby68 Posts: 3,138 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    @alt60
    He's 6 , doesn't need an ipad at all - cheaper tablet or hand me downs. All mindset changes to think about.
    I bet you will get ready for a change even with your RR. Once you've got your dream car, its no longer your dream car lol.
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