We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
First Steps to Solvency
Comments
-
@RelievedSheff Need to really work on the sleep kept waking up all night. Complete zombie again today haha. Yeah I know drinking doesn't really help much not really a massive drinker but craving it all the time right now.
Presents - doubt son would notice or care right now tbf. We usually do a bit of a presents treasure hunt round the house he loves that more than the presents themselves.
@curtains174 I'm guessing you probably live in a modern/ fairly modern house? I'm fairly certain mine is the price it is because it's a Victorian house in a conservation area with a high rebuild cost. I do comparison on insurance each year. Can probably get the contents down a bit as I have added a few extras when due for renewal.
Groceries - been here before and does count alcohol and coffees/ lunch out so not just for food.
I think I'm always going to struggle with the mindset - of course always going to want the type of lifestyle I had until I decided to sort this mess out. Just can't do it anymore living my life on credit pretending its ok or one day it really won't be.@mamamu We’ve spoiled our son and he will expect the presents. Not old enough to know why there’s a change if we entirely stop. Can’t exactly say sorry daddy hasn’t got the funds but can pick what we buy more carefully.
I’m not in a position to give up my RR without paying to get out of the finance. Tbf a quick glance on autotrader and it doesn’t look that bad but the dealer would want to make their profit and on a car they could sell for about £95k they are going to want at least £12/15k across it I’d imagine. I do know where you’re coming from though and tbf I think had I thought about it before buying the RR I would have kept my old RRS going (there was nothing wrong with it and although over 100k miles and probably a £5/6k bill hanging over it for a common problem I’d owned it from new). Would have been able to keep the ftype had I done this I think but all moot now so don’t want to sit and work figures out and beat myself up about it.
@getmore4less Agreed re analysing impact on car through business. We’ll have to work out what we’re getting to replace BMW first. Not a problem for a few months. Tbh I know it needs to happen but can’t keep going round in circles about cars right now and there’s time before we can even do anything about the BMW.
Clothes – I’ve bought stuff for the sake of it tbh. It’s not like I’ve not got this or that it’s more I want to buy, clothes aren’t that expensive – well it’s not a car lol and fancy something in a different colour etc. Agree about the principle but the stuff I’ve bought this month is more an issue of I need to keep away from shops as a form of entertainment.
‘New normal’ agreed on that too tbf. I’m at the point of exhaustion thinking about trying to get the figures to work. Know there’s improvements but need a break from it consuming me. Now need to just stick with it for a few months. Come to realise it’s a bit of a mid/ long term problem unfortunately no real quick fix.
BTLs – that was my thought. Always gone for the 10%+ yields / add value / refinance. Re probate / deceased estates – that’s where I’ve got them from mainly in the past.
Could take my income a fair bit higher if I used everything I could from BTLs but no growth at all then. Hoping eventually I’ll be at a point with them I’m happy to work on getting the LTVs down / PGs off then just take the profits. Would easily have a five figure/m income then. Always been the aim but took my eye off the ball and desperate refinancing.
Main business – work is definitely there to sustain another member of staff was all set to pull the trigger and lockdown happened / complete uncertainty going forwards on a number of levels. Going to have to sit down and have a proper look at it.
@monetxchange You’ve every right to be proud mate – no one starts out with a big house.
@purplehippo276 Thanks definitely trying to turn a corner – need to.
@enthusiasticsaver Thanks really think if I don’t do anything this time its going to get worse and I’m going to wind up at the point of being in a real mess. I know the amount I need spare goes up as time passes (£1500 currently) but right now think I need to just see if I can stick with the budget over the next few months. Will be a milestone if I can do that and put the various amounts away for emergencies / holidays etc etc Not relying on cards and 0% deals. Think having someone say (fairly certain it was you) not guaranteed new 0% deals when/if the banking sector start to lose the appetite for lending gave me a bit of a nudge. I knew this anyway but trying to pretend it’s not the case is harder when you’re not just trying to bs yourself that everything is fine.
Ha I did listen to my wife, well not really I was actually paranoid I might not pass finance if I went for the top spec one (£150k car and £135k of finance) so that’s why I went for the one below top spec to keep the total balance to finance under 6 figures.
Tbf I’ve had tenants in arrears for the type of reasons you state but don’t really see that as the same thing as cards etc – not being able to pay for housing is an awful place to be worse than worrying about a few cards I’m sure.
@KayBur Story of my life the status thing mate and would agree it’s probably a lot less likely to happen to a woman. I can think of one out of all the women I know my type of mentality may apply to.
@Mrs_F_2017 Hope you had a nice hol could do with one myself. I wouldn’t want to read 30 pages of my drivel lol. Know what you mean about can’t change the past – that’s where I am, don’t think I’m being dramatic when I say I think I could drive myself into a really bad depression if I allowed myself to think I could change the past / kept dwelling on it. Have needed to think about it for some reflection on what I need to do to more forwards but line needs to be drawn or I’m going to just be torturing myself and that’s not going to do me, my family or my business life any good. Said it yesterday and will again payback before the comeback haha.
@clairebeth I didn’t punch the wall in front of my wife she obviously found out quickly though. Not the only temper tantrum I’ve had as an adult about not getting quite the right toy lol.
We talked about it over lunch – she asked about the counselling as I wasn’t in a very good place earlier. Long story short I know what a **** I’ve been over the years – spending definitely a big part of it but other really selfish stuff goes back to having an attitude problem and thinking the usual rules don’t apply to me. Hard to face up to that but if I can and move on going to be in a lot better place in the future I think. Both for me and family. 100% don’t want son growing up to have adult temper tantrums because he’s getting the £110k toy rather than the £150k toy. That’s a big part of why I think the time has come to sort myself out tbh.
9 -
Well that's interesting, there's your reason right there for not spending £500 on gifts each Christmas and birthday. Expecting that sort of thing is exactly the way that he could develop into a spoilt and unfulfilled adult.
We have two children, aged 8 and 3, and I would say we spend approx £30 each birthday. I usually get something second hand for my son, as he will grow out of it quickly, he will be 4 next month and I got the Paw Patrol 'sea patroller' in perfect nick for £25 instead of £70. As if he would notice it wasn't brand new. We're not skint, it just doesn't make sense to buy new.
We do spend a bit more at Christmas, maybe £80 to £100 each, that includes a Christmas Eve bundle of new xmas pyjamas and a fluffy onesie, sweeties and maybe an xmas eve film or board game. (I get them matching pyjamas from Asda, so cute, and they wear them all year). This actually started because I will of course often work on Christmas so it was a way of celebrating Christmas eve but we might not have 'our' Christmas until the 28th.
They always get a small Lego, chocolate coins and a Beanie Boo teddy in their stocking and then a present from us under the tree (I got the 'air patroller' for £15). Don't you think your son would be happy with something like that, and a few 'traditions' of what he might find in his stocking? I think you underestimate him.
By the time grandparents and aunties and even our old neighbour give them gifts they end up with about 7 more, watch I think is TOO much. They get overwhelmed.
As I've said before, we are comfortably off and want for nothing, but I can't bear the idea of my kids not appreciating what they have. We are always keen to remind them of how lucky they are, and talk about giving their toys to children who don't have any. When they were small I always told people just to make a donation to Save the Children instead, and do you think my kids ever noticed?
In regards to presents for each other, a chocolate orange is exactly what we do! You only seem to get the dark chocolate ones at Christmas! Also, a pre-Christmas meal out together, we try to go somewhere with lots of decorations etc. (Ok, my hubby doesn't give two hoots about the decorations, but I do). I appreciate this may be unlikely for all of us this Christmas...
Oooh, getting excited for xmas as I type! Still waiting for my rota to see if I'll be working though.
I realise I've just babbled on about our family Christmas... but I promise it doesn't take much to make it special and start a few special traditions.
Also, if you can, go to your in laws for Christmas day to both save money and reduce the pressure on your wife. (I do NOT go to my in laws, but that's another story plus they can't cook. )4 -
@alt80
It sounds a tough couple of days but all of it is good really.
I think the post above is the first time you've admitted that you might not have bought the RR had you thought it through - that's a big step and a big admission.
We did the big Christmas piles but half it is low value or stuff they need (they loved having a whole box of cheap crackers to themselves for example) - they enjoyed the opening far more than the contents. Now they're grown, the piles are tiny but phenomenally expensive lol. We also did a pre-Christmas clear out so they could donate to the various Christmas appeals for toys and gifts. Between me and OH, once we had children, we have ranged from nothing to jokey things to get the best you can for £50. A choc orange does just fine. We do Secret Santa with a spend limit for wider family to reduce the spends on tat - everyone gets something really nice although the social aspect of that is a bit shot this year. Your son is 6, he'll enjoy ripping the paper and you being together and the fun - he won't be clocking whether Daddy spent £500 on Mummy, unless you make it about that.
That new SoA shows over half your income , about £4.2k, on cars, credit cards and school. The cards can go in about 2 years if you stick to a budget. If you really can't hack ithat paydown period then the other items will have to come back on the table. Or some 'reset' via sale of a couple of business assets. Here is your big advantage compared to many - you DO have a lot of options, not many are very palatable to you at the moment but just knowing they are there might start to count hopefully when you can't sleep at night or switch off. Take care.
2 -
Goals W/C 12th Oct
1. Spend less than £50 entertainment probably not going to be hard this week. £0 - feeling confident we aren't going to spend £50 especially being in lockdown lol
2. £10 groceries spend (have everything we need so should not be spending anymore than a few quid on milk or loaf of bread). £5.40 bought milk and a little box of white Lindt chocolates for wife. She loves them but won't buy chocolate for herself.
3. Check and update the Yolt app daily. Done but nothing to update. It told me I’ve spent £2900 less than this time last month!
4. Structured work days - 9am starts 5.45pm finishes, emails off in evening. Lunch with wife. Eat dinner with family rather than wife cooking twice. Working from home all week (lockdown) apart from fee earners booked. Check really bad night waking up so despite short working day due to counselling was glad to switch the emails off
5. Train with wife 4x this week. Going to regret this I know haha. She’s already decided what we’re doing so no chance of backing out now. Rest thank god lol felt like a zombie all day.
6. Activity with son everyday - probably going to be dog walk not going to be allowed to do much else... Dog walk and bedtime story. Wanted to stay in but felt better after wife got my coat and dragged me out of the house tonight
Not feeling like this tonight because I'm likely to make mistakes but to do tomorrow:
1. 0% deals work out
2. 'November' budget (from 26th October)
3. Update current budget. I think there could be a tiny surplus as we are now back in lockdown. Just going to throw whatever is left (if anything) at the end of the month on the debts.
Talked about holidays with wife tonight. I've budgeted £2000/a. I would like to make one holiday a 2 week visit to my parents in Greece. They would love to see their grandson once a year and it would be a super cheap holiday for us (flights, ferry and a little bit of spending money to cross onto the larger island / go on a day trip / have 2-3 meals in different places (my parents have a 'traditional' taverna out there (all authentically greek apart from the parents hahaha dad has spent years and years learning how to cook greek dishes)). Wife happy to do this and for us to try to get 1 week holiday in uk or maybe france (would have about £1250 for the second trip). Know this should probably be put towards debts rather than going away. I find holidays are quite important to me and time to relax away from home is important to me.3 -
@clairebeth my wife is Christmas obsessed! Don't need to worry about presents for this year he's got loads already ha. We also have lots of our own traditions and whilst wife would have decs up as soon as the clocks go back and I push it back to 1st Dec I actually love it too. Not gonna lie I'm enough of a child to still like the decs and the 'magic' lol.
Happy to share a few of the things we do (most not at all expensive):
- Hide presents for son around house, he enjoys finding them more than the presents lol
- Santa train
- Decorate tree/ house together
- Christmas lights walk pick different places each night for three weeks before and during
- Christmas lights drive once / twice a week for three weeks (see above)
- Hot chocolate with marshmallows in front of fire with Christmas films on. 100% cringe I know haha.
- Northern Belle train with wife (this IS expensive) booked for this year and paid for already not sure we'll be able to do it again for a while but if you've never done it I highly recommend at least once, it's brilliant.
As for Christmas at in-laws not looking likely this year but for the past few years her family usually come to us and MIL usually cooks with wife helping. Probably sounds weird but my house is larger than theirs and they have 4 children plus grandchildren. They never all come. FIL moans about it every year it's happened lol.
@warby68 trying to stay as upbeat as I can tbh not going to help myself getting into some black hole of self pity lol. In a strange way actually feeling quite optimistic for the future being better for family rather than always putting myself first.
Right now I think I probably need the paydown. Don't like / not going to enjoy it and no doubt at times I'm probably going to regret it. Right now I think it's important for me to not take easy option - I need to learn to live to a budget or I'm never going to do it. Get to the point of £10k/m income, I'll spend £15k/m etc etc it will never end because nothing will ever be enough for me. Put it in black and white because next week I'll probably want to go and spaff another £40k up the wall.
4 -
Hey, I just wanted to show my face and support on your diary 😁. It’s definitely been an up and down journey but the last few post seem to suggest ur seeing things in different ways. As others have said whilst we can go back over choices we made in the past but we can’t change those; the future and the changes you make now are what count. There is some really positive signs and it won’t all happen at once but ur mindset now seems to be adjusting slightly
My mrs is also in the loving Xmas camp 😂 but we always try do a tradition we generally go out for a family meal Xmas eve ( guess that might change this year) and then do lil ones Xmas eve box with an Xmas film and some nice festive pjs which I’m sure the lil one will thank me for in years to come haha! We always try remind her how lucky she is and it seems to hit home, I genuinely believe it’s more about enjoying some family time together.
You our are doing really well with the changes u r trying to implement, keep going you got this mate4 -
I think deep down everyone enjoys Christmas just a little bit. We dont have kids but we still put the tree up and the decorations up the first weekend in December and we love watching Christmas films tucked up warm on the sofa.
This year will be different as there won't be the Christmas markets or light switch on's but we will make the most of what we can do.
We don't give lots of gifts as a family. Last year most of our presents too each other were bits that we wanted for the house. It was more that we had something to open while sat around the tree on Christmas morning. It will probably be the same again this year. I know the gifts I have gotten for the other half are all bits that we will both enjoy in the house for years to come.4 -
Momentum and focus is really happening on the credit cards, forget the RR for now and dont cloud the issue, get these cards gone and never use them again. Close the accounts.
April 24 for the Balloon is a while away, as you know I work in this finance sector. My feeling is that you VT the Range too and get something else, work out when your VT point is. 50% of the total amount payable inc deposits inc manufacturers contribution. So once £75k is paid then we can get shot and work out the next plan.
I've got a car park full of RR over the road in PX's half have issues and half are just crappy inside, cheap and nasty IMO, build quality is awful.Baby Step 6/7 . £16000 saved and invested. £47,000 deposit paid on new home DEBT FREE !!!
Currently Negotiating with HMRC !5 -
@FootyFanDan good to ‘see’ you mate and thanks. Tbh the crux of my problem is my greed knows no bounds haha. I’ve realised there’s no ‘noble’ reason for having spent my whole adult life in some form of debt. Not overly bothered about all of it but am about the cards - stupid spends on those mainly just living it up.
Xmas eve meal out we don’t but a lot of good memories of spending time growing up with parents in a big old country pub at this time of year. Xmas eve / NYE were definitely the highlights of mine and sister’s year. Christmas Day wasn’t usually the main event unless dad had big winnings lol.
@RelievedSheff Son always loves his presents from Greece the most - Never anything really exciting but he’s obsessed with the Greek alphabet lol. So yes I get it’s generally the simple things he likes right now. Tells his schoolmates he’s half-Greek his teacher had a word with wife about it just he doesn’t understand living abroad doesn’t mean from that country. Put a stop on wife buying him a new iPad Air - he’s got an ipad doesn’t need a new one.
We love Xmas markets real shame nothing happening this year tbh.
@Andyjflet I get you’re not a JLR man but ‘crappy inside, cheap and nasty’ maybe an Evoque but no way would JLR get away with !!!!!! interiors in a FFRR lol. Really not looking to VT the range.2
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 352K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.6K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.4K Life & Family
- 258.8K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards