3 Year Goal *******

monetxchange

They sound like really great kids and a huge credit to you, but you've kind of just reiterated the point. If they're currently managing their money on a false premise (£250 rent, bills, food all in) they're not learning about real life expenses either. Getting a mortgage in a few years is going to come as a shock when their expenses are going to probably triple/quadruple and the days of saving up all the spare cash they had to buy nice things are long gone and there may be a temptation to start sticking things on credit.

At the end of the day it's up to you, but at least consider discussing with them a couple of compromises - eg Sky goes unless they chip in for that for example. It would at least help you manage money without putting a huge imposition on them if you don't want to. 

workaholic789

Absolutely, and we have agreed that we split the sky and they put in extra to cover groceries and things.  They are well aware of the cost of running a household, in fact the eldest has found a house on line that he is aiming for.  We have worked out what the bills would be, running costs, groceries etc, travel costs and, for now, he is putting that amount aside and living on the little that`s left - he wanted to do that so that he knew he would be able to manage long term, and allow him to have a sizable deposit for a mortgage,  which is quite sensible, and I am quite happy with that.  The other thing I mentioned to them was them rounding up to £300 per month each which would make a big difference to me whilst allowing them to save (and for the elder one to still manage his fake bills) and also chip in as they have been doing. 
If my outgoings exceeded my incomings, it would be different, but it is doable as long as I am careful, and they help out.

On a day to day basis, they arent really spenders, most of their friends have cars on Finance or HP and holidays on Credit Cards, which neither of them want (I think we have put them off credit for life tbh!)

So with a bit of compromise all round, I think I can do this - we just need to agree on the details

I have made a dent in the paperwork in between working, so a productive day so far!

workaholic789

Sooooo a busy work day, and a busy letter opening day, I have massive backache but also a tidy pile of paperwork!  As bad as this sounds, everything has defaulted so I am guessing that there will be no int charges so it is simply the amounts outstanding that I am dealing with.  That will keep me busy tonight!

enthusiasticsaver

I can understand you wanting to give your adult children the best possible start and it seems like as you said they have learned from yours and their fathers mistakes and are saving and I guess acting as your emergency fund.   Getting yourself on a solid footing is crucial if you not only want to be financially independent and secure and also not a burden to them in your old age. 

If everything is defaulted then just coming to an arrangement with all your creditors is the next step.  Make sure it is affordable and that you save up a decent emergency fund as you will not have access to credit.  I am not sure how secure your rented property is but having savings to deal with having to move if you had to is important.  I would cut back as far as you can as you are going to have to anyway when they leave.  So the groceries could easily be cut back and if you threaten to cancel sky they will often give you a good deal.  Presents can also be cut back.  

Andyjflet

workaholic789 said:

Morning All
Newbe here Divorced mother of 2 (live at home) adults.  Light Bulb moment yesterday - I tried to top up a loan, it was declined.  Worse than that, I had to borrow £100 off my eldest to last me until payday on Thursday - he didnt mind at all but it made me realise what a shambles my life is.  I am late forties, good job, relatively healthy (ishhhhhh)  with not too huge a debt to tackle, discounting my car loan and my Amigo loan (which will both be finished in the next 18 months)- I have about £4K of debt.  I want this gone by the end of 2023.  I wont be posting my SOA yet, I am fairly happy with my bills (may do this later) this is just for me to record my progress.
In retrospect, I am glad the loan was declined because it gave me the motivation that this is the last month I will EVER (hopefully) finish with not a penny to my name.
My biggest challenge is that the Debt is spread over about 10 accounts BUT, the good thing is that 4 of them are under £100 so I can make a pretty good start which will be a boost.  So I will need to trawl through and get all of the details, accounts, log ins etc which will take some time but will help me feel more in control hopefully.
I get paid next week and I have a garage bill to pay and a Birthday to buy for so its going to be pretty tight, but is looking roughly like this

Salary + Board = £3000.00
Bills (housing, loans etc) for this month £1900.00
Food & Household stuff £500
Fuel £120
Electric £60
Mums Bday £60
Spending £100
Saving £100
Garage Bill £160

I MUST get to the end of September with £100 to start my emergency fund as this is what worries me most, having nothing put back for something going wrong.  I have 2 working kids with plenty of disposable income between them, but there is nothing worse than having to ask them if I can borrow some money, awful feeling.
They bot pay rent and buy their own alcohol, takeaways and toiletries etc which is great.

Will be back later with some more musings no doubt, but just thought I would introduce myself

Have you looked at the Dave Ramsey baby steps, perfect for you. Get up to date on any overdraft, save £1000  in emergency fund and then pay the debt smallest to largest, check out his you tube and podcasts, would be perfect for you I think.