This is time to take action - absolutely had enough

Billsown

Thanks for all of the words of support guys, I appreciate it. I am feeling really motivated now to get on and sort this out. 
I feel that for us, it's important to use a strategy that is sustainable. I lost quite a bit of weight some years ago after many failed attempts. My failed attempts were usually due to crash dieting and then giving up and eating everything! I eventually lost the weight by taking a more steady and sensible approach to it all. I think that this is what we need to do. We need to pay a big chunk of each month, however I am eager to stay motivated and not feel like we are punishing ourselves. I have spent quite a few months stressing and worrying over our debt balance and that needs to stop now. 

I have been looking at other SOA's and posts and it's somewhat reassuring to see that other people are successfully paying off large debts such as ours. I have no doubt that without our wake up call we would have been looking at a 100k+ debt within a couple of years. 

My wife and I have discussed our debt over the last couple of days. I was very honest with her about how disappointed I was when I felt that she was placing all of the blame on me and she accepted that. We have decided to focus on every 10K of debt and not focus on the big balance for now. Mentally this helps me to deal with the burden. We have a relatively small mortgage so I am coping with the mental burden be reminding myself that lots of people have mortgages that are way bigger than our mortgage and unsecured debt combines. Might seem like a strange strategy, but it works for me!! 

Thanks again

ceremony

You're in a good position. You can nuke some of the highest interest debts pretty quickly and it will feel good to do that. Then set a budget that allows you to "have some fun", save a bit for emergencies, and still put a lot towards the other debts that will take a long time to pay off.

Well done for taking action now and getting things under control!

One-step-at-a-time

You're in a good position. Your debt is high but your income will allow you to smash it at speed.
Basically I'm here to wish you luck and say that in those circumstances it will be probably be easier than you think it will be!
We started in 2017 with 50k in debt and a household income about half of yours, and turned the ship around before we had to think about resorting to a DMP. Three and a half years later and still on the same income we have 15k to go, and although we stripped all of our expenses to a bare minimum we've still managed to squeeze in some fun and some breaks along the way. I too was in the position of being the one that dealt with the finances, and also take comfort in having a small and affordable mortgage. I played balance transfer pingpong as soon as we reached the point where we were starting to get any offers at all - some cards offered 3.9 or 4.9% with no transfer fees so I bounced the same £500-£1000 between cards as many times as I could over the course of a few months to get the interest down - that helped stem the interest bleed and got things moving the right way. Motivation may wobble at times but I promise you can always get it back

Singlespeeder

Billsown ... I could have written your opening 2nd paragraph and received exactly the same blame ... "I don't know what HE spent the money on as he has nothing to show for it..." family holidays, kids MacBooks (for uni), just living beyond our means trying to maintain a lifestyle we couldn't afford but had ALL become used to.

We got to be about £49k in debt at it's worst.

Our marriage didn't survive and I'm still paying this debt off.

But I'm much stronger, and my attitude to money has completely changed. Whereas I buried my head knowing the Statements were in a real mess, I now CONSTANTLY check the various bank accounts and know what and when something is going out.

I went through several months statements with a fine tooth comb and I too, was saddened and shocked by how much I was wasting on interest and just waste.

I'm actually down to about £12k of debt, (despite what the Signature says), the ex will take over the mortgage and some of the debt once the Courts get their shizz together.

I won't offer any advice, but having non judgemental support is a big help  

Look at something like a Starling or Monzo account... they are a godsend.

Stay strong,

SS

Fireflyaway

Reading your post, I can see more positives than negatives. You have reached the point of being totally fed up and that's when changes happen. You have enough income to deal with this issue and most importantly you and your partner are working together. You also realise it's about a lifestyle change, not  quick fixes. I'd really suggest going on youtube and checking out the 'debt free screams' on the Dave Ramsey show. It's really motivational. Basically families or couples who have paid off often huge sums of debt sometimes with quite low incomes or with additional challenges getting in the way. What they achieve is amazing and really shows what can be done. 

Coffeekup

As others have said, very first, then aqua, up minimum payments on other card's to the nearest £10. Then have a few months on the MBNA which will then free up £285 which will then melt off the others. 2.5 - 3 years, may seem like a long time, but it soon passes if u have a goal, and u can be debt free, and have 3 months income saved up. Ready for your new house and no marks on your credit file. You could stay put, and save 30 grand a year, save uni fees for the kids/s,

I paid off my debt over 7 year's.... That was a long time. Your debts will paid off quicker, and will snowball quickly if you keep on track.
Unortunately when I realized my tipping point I was too far gone, it made me look at money different for the last 15 years. Look at the things around you, sell the stuff you no longer want and need.... That'll help pay down things... Not because you have a tight budget, but to reflect, think about how much you bought if, about it's sell value, how much you didn't use/wear/look at it. It'll bring things into perspective, and will help to decide on having things in the future... Is it worth it?, will I use it?does it serve a purpose?