Child support money from ex

esault

My ex is saying that I do not spend my child support money on the kids, all because I asked him if he could go halves with some extra clothes. The kids are 12 & 14. He pays £450 monthly. 
I currently have to fork out over £1000 for rent (recently moved out of the family home because he got a divorce with me and didnt want to pay any money on the mortgage, need to wait for a suitable house to come on the market for me to buy), £100 a week on shopping (which is going up since COVID), along with electricity and gas. 
I try and get kids clothes whenever they need new clothes, but they're into their branded stuff which is super expensive. I know a lot of people would say get own brand, but I dont want them feeling left out when compared to friends etc, as they are both at ages when people judge all the time. 
He continues to tell me he has hardly any money, and he cant see where his money is being spent, yet he is always wearing brand new branded clothes, whilst trying to convince me to dress them in supermarket own clothes. 
Can he stop paying me or anything, as this is really worrying me. 
Thanks.

Comms69

If he pays voluntarily then yes he could stop, and you could then claim via CMS.

is £450 the right amount to be paying? How often does he have them? 

esault

Comms69 said:

If he pays voluntarily then yes he could stop, and you could then claim via CMS.

is £450 the right amount to be paying? How often does he have them? 

He used to have them every wednesday evening (after school) and every other weekend (fri evening-sun afternoon). Now he has them every other weekend, but due to coronavirus he cant have them wednesday 

yksi

Your ex doesn't have any right to decide how you spend the child support money, but your kids don't have a right to branded clothes to fit in, and with him paying child support and you having most of the parental responsibility ("custody"), it's you who is responsible for clothing your kids. Asking him for clothing money is inviting his opinion on how you spend your cash. It's none of his business, so don't include him in your budgeting decisions. But that means not asking for money for things that aren't needed. I have been a sole parent too and I know how expensive it is to raise kids. But it's also not cheap to hand over £450 a month to someone else either. There are no financial winners in a divorce and it is reasonable that he isn't pleased about being asked for more money.

Speak to the kids and explain there isn't the money for expensive brands unless they want them second hand. Otherwise you are raising your kids to behave as if appearances are the way to judge people and they will judge other people too. Not only that, they'll hold out their hands and demand expensive gifts like playstations, laptops, iPhones etc because they've been taught they can have anything their friends have!

Take it from a kid who grew up in charity shop treasures, there is a lot of lovely stuff out there and nobody would ever know that you didn't buy it new yourself. Hand them a set amount of money each week and if they want those awesome shoes bad enough, they'll save it up. Take the kids with you to car boot sales. And one other thing, take a moment to look through their wardrobes. I can definitely remember telling my mother I needed clothes when I'd just forgotten about clothes I already had. There's absolutely nothing wrong with plain t-shirts and plain jeans.

RobM99

£450 a month?   I was paying £500 in 1994 plus I had to double the mortgage. How I survived I have no idea.!

Comms69

RobM99 said:

£450 a month?   I was paying £500 in 1994 plus I had to double the mortgage. How I survived I have no idea.!

Presumebly by working? Dont really see the relevance of your comment

DUTR

yksi said:

Your ex doesn't have any right to decide how you spend the child support money, but your kids don't have a right to branded clothes to fit in, and with him paying child support and you having most of the parental responsibility ("custody"), it's you who is responsible for clothing your kids. Asking him for clothing money is inviting his opinion on how you spend your cash. It's none of his business, so don't include him in your budgeting decisions. But that means not asking for money for things that aren't needed. I have been a sole parent too and I know how expensive it is to raise kids. But it's also not cheap to hand over £450 a month to someone else either. There are no financial winners in a divorce and it is reasonable that he isn't pleased about being asked for more money.

Speak to the kids and explain there isn't the money for expensive brands unless they want them second hand. Otherwise you are raising your kids to behave as if appearances are the way to judge people and they will judge other people too. Not only that, they'll hold out their hands and demand expensive gifts like playstations, laptops, iPhones etc because they've been taught they can have anything their friends have!

Take it from a kid who grew up in charity shop treasures, there is a lot of lovely stuff out there and nobody would ever know that you didn't buy it new yourself. Hand them a set amount of money each week and if they want those awesome shoes bad enough, they'll save it up. Take the kids with you to car boot sales. And one other thing, take a moment to look through their wardrobes. I can definitely remember telling my mother I needed clothes when I'd just forgotten about clothes I already had. There's absolutely nothing wrong with plain t-shirts and plain jeans.

Well said, as a NRP I know how I felt when asked for more.