My ex is taking me to a small claims court...

bluebell1998

I was in a year and half relationship with someone 11 years old than me. I thought I was with someone who would protect me and look after me. From the beginning I always knew where was something toxic about him, but I maybe found it exciting. It really wasn’t exciting, it was terrifying. Within 3 months, he had started to attack me, and Would hurt himself in front of me. I really didn’t understand why he would do that. He was a big big drinker, I absolutely hated it and would question him about his drinking habits. I only realised how bad it was when I moved into my own place and he would stay round and drink a bottle of rum and a crate of beer in one sitting. But the drunk him was terrifying, he would say some awful things to me for no reason. Huge arguments would occur from the littlest things. I was walking on eggshells around him constantly. However, he ended up hurting himself really badly and was hospitalised. I believed his drinking would now stop and we could be happy, which was the case for a few weeks. He wanted us to have a fresh start and to move into together which I said yes. We got a flat together within a month or so. Biggest mistake. Within 8 days of us living together, he beat me up on Halloween. And then tried to propose to me the next day. I couldn’t believe the audacity. 

In addition to all this, he had taken out a £10,000 loan in his name to help us move in, to get some furniture sorted for our fresh start. However, I was willingly helping him to pay it. 

We broke up after moving in together after 4 months. He was cheating on me. He left me and claimed he didn’t want to live in the flat anymore as he was moving to Chester for a new life. 

I was 19, I was terrified to be living on my own, more because I couldn’t afford it. He said I couldn’t leave the flat due to us having a one year lease on the place, so we couldn’t both leave. 

Me, worried about how I’m going to afford to live by myself, I could barely afford to live paying half. I was on minimum under 21 pay working in a bar.
A couple of days later, not having heard from him. He rocked up drunk with a bottle of rum. I exclaimed for him to leave which he protested that he still lives here until the end of the month as he had paid his half of the rent and his name isn’t off anything yet.
I don’t know why, but I knew I should be terrified of that night. 

He had turned up with a document he had typed up claiming that I have to pay off the loan which was remaining £8,088 as I was going to continue to live in the house that his loan has paid for the furniture within. I had mentioned that £10000 has not paid for this flat, roughly more £4000 and I’ve never used the loan personally or have never seen a bank statement. 

He was aggressive, continued to shout and call me names. He agreed that if I sign it he will leave me alone for always. Away from the flat and more workplace. So I decided to sign.
For 10 months I had paid £280 a month directly to my ex, and also struggling to pay for my flat. I had taken on 3 jobs, totalling 89 hours a week. I would’ve of rather been dead than pay him another penny by then. I decided to give up the extra hours and focus on my main job, and to stop paying him. He is now taking me to a small claims court demanding to pay the Loan.
I am scared as I don’t really know where I stand, I am terrified to lose as I really cannot afford it. 

Within my mindset now where I’m not afraid of him, I would’ve of never agreed to sign. 

pjcox2005

I'll let more knowledgeable people answer but I'd say courts won't take what you don't have so I think it could be a blessing to remove the issue from you as you're struggling with the "repayments" as it is.

Just focusing on the loan, I think even with the "signed" document, there would be a challenge for him to have any success given the loan was in his name, with him keeping the majority of it, with the remainder on furniture he bought and decided to leave, not to mention the tenancy.

I've got no experience of this but I think i'd:
- Contact a domestic abuse charity like Womens Aid or Refuge to ask for assistance - I presume your own position is better than a lot they see as he's left but it's clear he'll continue to drop in to your life and harass so seek support on how to get rid.
- Depending on their advice, but I think i'd personally report the historic issues to the police. I don't know if they can do anything on the historic bit but it marks it on file should he continue to harass you.
- I'd write a letter to him saying see you in court, set out your position and that the signature was under duress. I know it's a struggle financially but personally I'd be having that come from a solicitor to say all future correspondence to go through them.
- Presumably the lease is now up on the flat (4 months living together, 10 months of payments) so hand in your notice and move somewhere. I know it's inconvenient but I personally wouldn't want to have a connection with him. Again the domestic abuse charities may be able to offer guidance if for example deposits are an issue on a new place but perhaps you can save quick if not paying him his "loan" and working the jobs mentioned.
- Again hassle, bu either block his number or even better change number so you don't have to deal with it. Doesn't sound like it does your mental health any good.

As I say I've absolutely no experience in this area but that's how I'd approach it (appreciate I don't have the mental scars), but don't worry, use this as the point that allows you to sort and be rid of it all. Good luck.

mr_stripey

Well done for posting. It sounds like you've been through a lot with this piece of work, but you've also already come a long way. I also I have no direct experience in this area but I think the post above is bang on.
I doubt a court is going to enforce it (even if he does follow through the threat). The sooner you can sever all ties with him and move elsewhere the better.

MinuteNoodles

He took the loan out in his name. There was no formal agreement between the two of you about you having any liability. He's got nothing in writing, got no proof that such an agreement existed. He's got a snowball's chance in hell. If he tries to use the £280 you were paying point out that you felt forced to pay it for fear of retribution.

DCFC79

Not quite sure what else to say OP (you have received some god advice), hope you get this sorted so you can move on.

When I read he took out a loan in his name I knew you were going to say he was wanting you to pay towards it by applying pressure.

bluebell1998

Thank you all for your responses, it’s made me feel so much better about my case! Letting you all know, that I have received a letter naming my court date. So all the best! 

kazwookie

I'd stop paying him now, move asap and get a good door lock fitted.

Let him take you to court.

You are being abused, go to the police, get advise from your local women's aid, book an appointment with your dr's nurse and get relevant tests done.

I wish you well

bluebell1998

@kazwookie that’s what I’m Afraid of. This abuse happened 10 months ago, he has left me alone since I’ve been paying the Loan. I’ve had two opportunities to tell the police about my abuse and I didn’t, so that’s what I’m afraid of when it goes to court. I could just be lying. And I know the person he is, he would act so shocked by my accusations and I would look like an idiot. 

DiamondLil

I've no experience of your situation, but I do know that Women's Aid will be able to advise you. Give them a call. And the police as they are very well aware that dv victims don't report straight away. Go to the police, tell them what you have told us and they will listen to you. I believe they are able to log your case should you need their help in future.

waamo

When you say he is taking you to court how far has it gone. Has he given you a letter before claim? Have you received papers from the court?

Can you tell us exactly what you've had as you may need to start working on a defence/

Grumpy_chap

That must have been hard experience BlueBell and even harder to write.  I don't have the experience to offer helpful advice but I wish you well.