High paying job away from family or lower paying job near family

stphnstevey

Doshwaster said:

AW618 said:

I havent lived anywhere near any of my family since I was 21.  I have a perfectly good relationship with them.  This is not in the least unusual.

Same here. I've lived away from family since I left home to go to University at 18 and know many people in the same situation who live hundreds or even thousands of miles from "home". You have to go where life takes you not be tied to one place. I still speak to my mum a couple times a week by phone and get to see the wider family a few times a year (at least under "normal times"). Living away has brought many advantages but hardly any downsides.

What sort of advantages?

stphnstevey

Ditzy_Mitzy said:

Could you spend part of the week living closer to the high paying job and go home to see your family at weekends?  Lots of people do, in fact it used to be fairly common for professionals to have a house outside London and a city flat in the old days.  General pattern was to commute in on the Sunday evening or Monday morning then go back to the house on the Friday evening, spending Friday night, Saturday and Sunday at home and the remaining nights at the flat.  

Yes, this is something I could do, the 2.5hrs is easy enough to travel over a weekend. I work from home the majority of the days, so can be flexible. I can stay with family over the weekend, so no need for 2 houses

Just I hadn't thought my life would be this way. It is like effectively working away for the week. Hopefully if I can build a better life in the new area, I can limit going home as much

Doshwaster

stphnstevey said:

Doshwaster said:

AW618 said:

I havent lived anywhere near any of my family since I was 21.  I have a perfectly good relationship with them.  This is not in the least unusual.

Same here. I've lived away from family since I left home to go to University at 18 and know many people in the same situation who live hundreds or even thousands of miles from "home". You have to go where life takes you not be tied to one place. I still speak to my mum a couple times a week by phone and get to see the wider family a few times a year (at least under "normal times"). Living away has brought many advantages but hardly any downsides.

What sort of advantages?

I grew up in an ex-mining village in the North East in the 80s. Local job opportunities were very limited. All big manufacturing had closed down, my dad was in an out of work and anyone with any sense was leaving.
Moving away allowed me to get an education, meet people from all over the world and have a decent career. Family is still only a phone call of a 3 hour drive away so it's not as if I have abandoned them. Most of my school friends also moved away from the area so they are now scattered all over the country, indeed all over the world. People from the North East have been leaving home for generations in search of better opportunities.

Mojisola

stphnstevey said:

Ditzy_Mitzy said:

Could you spend part of the week living closer to the high paying job and go home to see your family at weekends? 

Yes, this is something I could do, the 2.5hrs is easy enough to travel over a weekend. I work from home the majority of the days, so can be flexible. I can stay with family over the weekend, so no need for 2 houses
Just I hadn't thought my life would be this way. It is like effectively working away for the week. Hopefully if I can build a better life in the new area, I can limit going home as much

From experience, I think you need to limit going home in order to build a new life where you're working.  Perhaps aim for once a month back with the family and work on social get-togethers where you now live.

stphnstevey

Mojisola said:

stphnstevey said:

Ditzy_Mitzy said:

Could you spend part of the week living closer to the high paying job and go home to see your family at weekends? 

Yes, this is something I could do, the 2.5hrs is easy enough to travel over a weekend. I work from home the majority of the days, so can be flexible. I can stay with family over the weekend, so no need for 2 houses
Just I hadn't thought my life would be this way. It is like effectively working away for the week. Hopefully if I can build a better life in the new area, I can limit going home as much

From experience, I think you need to limit going home in order to build a new life where you're working.  Perhaps aim for once a month back with the family and work on social get-togethers where you now live.

I understand what you mean, but it's taking a time to try to build a social network where I live. If there is something I can do here I will of course do that, but if not, it will help me cope with being here on my own to go back home for a couple of days. I'll try not to let going home effect being social here

Brynsam

stphnstevey said:

Mojisola said:

stphnstevey said:

Ditzy_Mitzy said:

Could you spend part of the week living closer to the high paying job and go home to see your family at weekends? 

Yes, this is something I could do, the 2.5hrs is easy enough to travel over a weekend. I work from home the majority of the days, so can be flexible. I can stay with family over the weekend, so no need for 2 houses
Just I hadn't thought my life would be this way. It is like effectively working away for the week. Hopefully if I can build a better life in the new area, I can limit going home as much

From experience, I think you need to limit going home in order to build a new life where you're working.  Perhaps aim for once a month back with the family and work on social get-togethers where you now live.

I understand what you mean, but it's taking a time to try to build a social network where I live. If there is something I can do here I will of course do that, but if not, it will help me cope with being here on my own to go back home for a couple of days. I'll try not to let going home effect being social here

But you say in your post you've only been trying to do this 'for a few months' - and those months will have been under some of the most extraordinary circumstances the world has ever seen.

Give yourself a decent chance to stand on your own two feet and both grow up and grow away a bit from the family nest, which has been all you've ever known, from the sound of it. Being emotionally close to your mum and brother doesn't mean you have to be physically close to them the whole time, or even most of the time.

scottishbusdriver

stphnstevey said:

I moved to an area where I can get a high income, but it is away from the small amount of family I have (brother and mother). They are about a 2.5hr car journey away. I am not with a partner and do not have kids. I have found it hard to make friends in the new area, but I am am trying as much as I can. I have been trying this for a few months
The much higher income has the potential to really give me a better life if I can just stick the time on my own  
I have considered moving back and taking a lower paid job, just so I can get the family interaction
Wondering what others might do?  

I'm a bus driver, and about 3 years ago I went freelance through a few driving agencies. Until that point I'd never been far further away than 30 minutes from family. I am close with my family, however we regularly use Messenger and Facetime to have conversations.

I currently live a 9 hour commute away from 'home' and family, and I've gotten to enjoy it. If I was to stay in my hometown, I can earn £10.85 an hour tops, but some of the contracts I've done have been around the £21 an hour mark, and best of all the agency normally supply accommodation so no rent to pay whilst away.

When I first started being away from home, it was tough. I didn't know anyone in the location I was in, and it was quite daunting being 'alone' in an area I don't know. But after a while you will meet people, and you will find your feet. I've been on this particular contract for 1 and a half years, and I've met plenty of friends and the most amazing boyfriend. 

For me, money is important and if I can get extra by being away from home, then I'll do it. It's nice going back to spend a few days with family, and having a healthy bank balance so you can all go out and enjoy yourselves too! 

Only you can make the decision between more money, or being closer to family. 

warby68

If you mainly work from home, why did you have to live near work? Or is it just under current circumstances?
I'd certainly giver it longer - your experience over the last few months is not something to base longer term decisions on. You need to see what life is like in more normal times in your new place.
2.5 hours is perfectly doable for weekends. Its actually doable for occasional travel to work to if you only have to be in the office rarely and you really can't hack it. Plus any combination of living that splits the difference. You will have options but don't rush.
Did you live with your family before you moved - if so, its probably actually the living alone for the first time rather than the distance which is the real challenge, especially with lockdown.