One income family of four - can we get ahead even after pay cuts?

Bluegreen143

Thanks @joedenise. We don’t generally do grazing/ad hoc snacking unless we are at a party/social group with snacks there (pre covid). We do have a daily planned snack at 3.30ish. Usually I put out a sharing plate of cut up fruit and salad veg and then give them one serving of a “filling” thing alongside it eg a piece of home baking, cheese/hummus with oatcakes, toast with peanut butter etc. Today they had a scone & jam and pineapple/kiwi. Maybe I should cut him off of the afternoon snack but 11.30 to 6 seems a long time for a little tummy to wait. All my friends already think I’m a massive ogre because all their children get multiple snacks a day 😆

Nursery give them far too much food - a large snack at 10 of cereal, toast, cheese and fruit, a two course hot lunch at 11.30 and on the two days he’s in til 3.15 he also gets a really big snack at 2.30 - things like pizza, sandwiches, wraps etc alongside fruit. Obviously I try not to give him the afternoon snack with me after that but he does whine because he sees me give his sister some fruit and toast so I often end up giving him a bit of fruit to avoid that (I can’t give her hers earlier cos I am waking her from her nap right before we leave to get him). Need to be stronger with this! Nursery say he’s not eating his lunch really either but no wonder with a huge snack at 10am!

amanda_p

I think you are doing everything right. Don't worry about your son not eating much of his dinner. Just remove his plate. You are providing a healthy snack mid afternoon, a lot of people would give crisps /biscuits etc. He may not have a very big appetite and as he grows this phase will probably pass as long as it doesn't become a big battleground.

I have a friend with 4 children who were all picky/fussy eaters. She indulged their every whim,cooking four different meals every evening. These children are now late 20's/ 30's and are still appalling eaters. The youngest still lives at home and still demands what she wants every evening and Mum still complies.
Utter madness.
My two by comparison ate most of what was put on the table. They knew that if they didn't  there wouldn't be any top up snacks later. The youngest who is 32 will still not eat mushrooms and still removes them if spotted. The eldest lives in Shanghai and he eats anything,believe me some Chinese cuisine is rather unusual.
As they grow up they begin to experiment with food a bit more and find their likes and dislikes. Your son sounds like he will be absolutely fine and you are heading in the right direction with not making a fuss. Keep up the good work. A lot of people could learn a lot from your diary, you have a very wise head on your shoulders.

joedenise

Bluegreen143 said:

Thanks @joedenise. We don’t generally do grazing/ad hoc snacking unless we are at a party/social group with snacks there (pre covid). We do have a daily planned snack at 3.30ish. Usually I put out a sharing plate of cut up fruit and salad veg and then give them one serving of a “filling” thing alongside it eg a piece of home baking, cheese/hummus with oatcakes, toast with peanut butter etc. Today they had a scone & jam and pineapple/kiwi. Maybe I should cut him off of the afternoon snack but 11.30 to 6 seems a long time for a little tummy to wait. All my friends already think I’m a massive ogre because all their children get multiple snacks a day 😆

Nursery give them far too much food - a large snack at 10 of cereal, toast, cheese and fruit, a two course hot lunch at 11.30 and on the two days he’s in til 3.15 he also gets a really big snack at 2.30 - things like pizza, sandwiches, wraps etc alongside fruit. Obviously I try not to give him the afternoon snack with me after that but he does whine because he sees me give his sister some fruit and toast so I often end up giving him a bit of fruit to avoid that (I can’t give her hers earlier cos I am waking her from her nap right before we leave to get him). Need to be stronger with this! Nursery say he’s not eating his lunch really either but no wonder with a huge snack at 10am!

The nursery definitely seem to be making things difficult for you!  That seems to be a lot of food for a 4 year old.  I agree with you that it's not surprising he doesn't really want to eat his lunch - it's quite possibly the reason he doesn't really want to eat dinner too.

I think you're right to give him a piece of fruit when you feed the little one, I just wouldn't let him have the more filling thing.  When mine were little the only snacks they got was some fruit or veg sticks between meals (except when we were at DH's parents house who thought it was fine to stuff them with biscuits even though I didn't want them to have them!).

I think you're doing a great job with bringing up your children.  You seem to have a good balance between having fun and 'educating' them.  Keep it up.

MagicCat

I feel for you about the eating @Bluegreen143, it's so difficult sometimes. You are doing a great job though and your snack plan sounds v sensible - your nursery does a huge amount of food, ours is a hot lunch but just a fruit and plain cracker snack in the afternoon - I wouldn't want anything for tea if I'd had pizza/sandwiches in the afternoon and I can eat loads   

ladyholly

What is the nursery thinking of? All that food for very young children seems to be a good way of getting children into bad habits. If we complained we were hungry we were offered a slice of bread and butter or an apple and if that didn't suit we were told we obviously weren't hungry. Snacks were never offered as a matter of course. We always had to ask. Things were very different in the 1950s.

Bluegreen143

Thanks so much for all the kind works and wise advice everyone ❤️

@ladyholly Re nursery - I think they are working from the assumption that some of the kids don’t get fed breakfast or healthy food at home so go overboard at nursery to make sure nobody is hungry. Heartbreaking that they need to make decisions based on that! But it has the side effect that there is so much “easy” food on offer (toast, sandwiches, fruit, cereal) that well-fed kids like Monkey aren’t getting hungry enough to bother with “challenging food”. They are an amazing nursery in general! But definitely making the eating issue worse.

@amanda_p and @joedenise Thanks so much for the very lovely compliments. It’s so helpful and reassuring too to hear from those who are a bit further down the line on this parenting journey! I’m sure if we keep going with offering healthy meals, eating together and limiting snacking at home we will get there - it’s just frustrating when he was the world’s best eater til age 3 and had such as adventurous tastes!

@MagicCat Thank you! How are your own picky eater struggles going? It’s so disheartening and I hope things are better for you.

Anyway on to a diary update!

Today 
Lovely day, met a friend for a walk and play at a local loch/urban nature reserve/bird sanctuary type place complete with playpark and little sandy beach for the children to paddle. She has two littles the exact same ages and genders as mine and they are all such good wee friends. Took a picnic lunch and free parking so no spends.

New routine going well with Monkey - short reading lesson during Bambi’s nap before his “special time” with me. He’s hopefully going to the Gaelic school and so won’t get taught to read/write in English til end of primary 3 so we’re ok to teach them at home apparently (I know some schools aren’t keen if you do).

We have started doing “Gaelic circle time” after dinner and the kids love it, they are so engaged and enthusiastic, even though the little one can’t really speak in English yet never mind Gaelic! We sit and sing a welcome song in Gaelic, I go over a few words/phrases with Monkey and then we’ve been using the Gaelic songs on the Bookbug app and sometimes playing a Gaelic story time on CBeebies. I think the kids mainly like the chance to legitimately look at videos on my phone which they are generally not allowed but it is such a high point of our daily routine! Monkey is starting to be able to sing bits from quite a few of the songs on his own too.. My friend’s wee one who goes was telling him all the numbers in Gaelic when she had a playdate in our garden last week so he will hopefully learn from her.

Baking 

Need to do some sweet baking but maybe wait til my shopping comes on Thurs as butter stocks are low. Have baked two loaves in the last two days and a Swiss roll for pudding yesterday which was really lovely - first time making one. My new frugal “soup and pudding” night on Mondays is going down well and much enjoyed by the children, and us as well. This week’s soup was lentil, butternut squash and coconut (with chilli added to the adult portions). Served up with homemade sourdough and then Swiss roll and custard. Who said it’s a hardship to live frugally?!

Baileys_Babe

Wish I had been at yours for dinner on Monday night, sounds delicious.

Bluegreen143

Meals today 

B - toast, fruit
L - kids had fried eggs, beans, chips, cucumber and apple/plum compote to finish. I had HM cream of cauli & white bean soup and bread.
S - fruit/veg plate with some apple mini muffins from the freezer
D - veggie bean & rice burritos 

Happy to report that Monkey ate 1.5 wraps at dinner. I think he “spilled” a bit more veg out the wrap than was strictly necessary but a surprising amount made it in his mouth yay! Interesting that midway through half term he is starting to eat dinner again... It’s cottage pie tomorrow which he dislikes (in fairness he has never liked mashed potato, even as a weaning baby, so it is a genuine dislike- at least as a baby/toddler he would eat the meat bit and carrots/peas though).

Spending 

Won a playmobil police van thing on eBay for less than half the new price inc delivery, so happy with that. I’m always keen to avoid tat and toy clutter so I don’t think I’ll get Monkey anything toy related bar (second hand) Lego and playmobil, both of which really stand the test of time here in terms of play value. They’ll both get books/a game/a puzzle/PJs too and I’ve ordered Monkey a science kit and a lacing activity for Bambi both of which will be good to sit and do with them when we have special time. For Bambi I’m going to pick up some second hand Duplo if I can, as Red annoyingly chucked some of ours out rather than clean it (we used some of it in the bath for a while) and we haven’t enough now. I did point out I’d have happily cleaned it if he couldn’t be bothered but never mind now. 

joedenise

That's great @Bluegreen143.  Shows that not getting upset about it works!  I'm sure he'll eat some of the base of the cottage pie tonight too, even if not the mash.  Have you tried using a mix of mashed veg for the top - something like a mix of potato and carrot?  He might eat something like that rather than plain mash.  I'd say mash is my least favourite form of potato, I find it a bit bland.


That's good about the Playmobil, children don't need loads of toys but good quality, long lasting toys are the way to go.  Shame about the Duplo though - both boys and girls like to play with that, and Lego when they get a bit older, so again a good value toy.

Baileys_Babe

My ds has never liked mashed potato, like your ds even when he was weaning. Nor anything mashed. He has never been keen on potatoes in any form he was about 5 or 6 before he would eat crisps or chips. If we have jacket potatoes he has the fillings and wraps. He does now eat and enjoy roast potatoes and one of his favourite foods is homemade fish cakes despite them being made with mashed potatoes, he is aware of how illogical this is.
We too have always served meals like shepherd's pie, fish pie, cottage pie and ds is expected to eat the filling and try the topping. I just try to make it so we don't have them to regular.
 
Dd, on the other hand, loves mashed potato and will happily eat mountains of the stuff.