Running with someone

Adly812

I’m a solo runner, I love the time to myself and to be mindful and thoughtful. I love running hills, my own pace and without concern to talk to others. However I have a friend who hates running alone and begged me to come along with me... well I reluctantly agreed, but our pace was SO different and she was soooo slow.. I practically was side stepping just to keep moving and my heart rate was doing nothing. She didn’t want to go uphill at all as well.

Anyways it was an awful run.

but now she is asking me to go again ? I assume my pace inspires her.

without losing a friend or hurting her feelings. What can I say to her to let her down lightly ?

Manxman_in_exile

I hate running with other people and enjoy the time spent alone as a period of reflection - and I suppose people today would use the term mindfulness.  But I'm also a very slow runner so people don't want to run with me anyway!!

My wife is even slower than me, and if she manages to persuade me to go for a run with her, I turn it into an interval session.  We start off together and after five minutes I run off ahead at a faster pace for a couple of minutes or so, and then jog back to meet her.  Repeat as many times as you like, at different intervals and paces appropriate to you.  So my wife "plods along" at a steady pace for 45 minutes and I get an interval session.  My wife is quite happy with that as it gives us an opportunity to run together, but she doesn't feel she's holding me back.  It may not sound like it, but you can make it quite sociable.

You could try this approach with your friend.  Simply explain that your level of fitness means you need to train at a higher level of exertion, and that this would give you both the best of both worlds - you run together, but you get the opportunity to get some training effect.  That's the only way I see it working.

(My wife and I did a lot of Munro bagging in Scotland 20 years or so ago.  I'd race up the hills with her "plodding along" behind, BUT... I had no head for heights.  She quite enjoyed it because she'd reach the top at a leisurely pace and find me lying flat on the ground scared to stand up in case I got dizzy.  She then enjoyed escorting me around the summit/along the ridge etc scaring me with the views.  We both enjoyed it in our different ways)

EDIT:  Or you say "Sorry - you're too slow and you're holding me back".  And soften the blow by helping them to get quicker.  OR - you run just fast enough for them to really not enjoy it and hope they give up...

Adly812

Thank you so much. It’s totally a sensible piece  of advIce.  I did run up ahead and then back again etc. But I found the turn back rather distracting, it took me out the pace I was achieving. I’m also Fearful of traffic, as the area is not traffic free, so when I turn back I feel a bit hesitant with cars etc. 

I see how it would work for you and your wide as your openness in discussion for pace plans would be easy to understand. 

I really really just want to run alone, it’s my time and always has been. So I’m thinking a way to put it as nicely as I can... I want to be honest, it’s just help to word it ? 

Manxman_in_exile

You want to run alone.  I understand perfectly.  I think you either have to explain this to your friend or try to reach some compromise where you run with them once a week say?  Many people would say your lucky to know someone who wants so much to run with you.  Maybe something you shouldn't squander...

Adly812

Thank you for your help. She’s a lovely friend, and I adore her company but I feel it would be nicer spent over a cuppa. I’m thinking it’s just the motivation for her, which is why she’s determined to run with me, so she can be pushed. Sadly I wish it was more of a two way warrant.

thank you for your help 😊

Sea_Shell

How many times a week do you usually run?   How many times does your friend want to run with you?   

I love running solo, with just your own thoughts for company, but I also used to be in a running club, where we ran in groups and did interval/hill training.     If it's just one of your weekly runs you'll be compromising on, then try and think of it as a "club" session.    
Obviously if they want to run with you more than that, then it will need that conversation, unfortunately.

I'm assuming you live really close to each other, and that they'll see, or know, if you've been running "without them"?

**Looks out the window at the rain, and thinks....right, better get them trainers on!!!**

Somepiddy

As for me I also prefer to run in solo. I listen to the music and it is very cool!

Manxman_in_exile

Sea_Shell said:

How many times a week do you usually run?   How many times does your friend want to run with you?   

... If it's just one of your weekly runs you'll be compromising on, then try and think of it as a "club" session.    
Obviously if they want to run with you more than that, then it will need that conversation, unfortunately.

I'm assuming you live really close to each other, and that they'll see, or know, if you've been running "without them"?

**Looks out the window at the rain, and thinks....right, better get them trainers on!!!**

That's what I think too - I'd try to compromise.

Adly812

I run four times a week... but I also am a fitness instructor. So I spend my life teaching others exercise. 

So my run is like the only time I kind of great to reflect on my ‘own’ fitness. It’s kind of my own chance to get away from people and work on myself and my physical fitness rather than others fitness. 

So I feel that my friend is using me to get more from their personal fitness. It’s my time I like to keep, and an opportunity to get to work on myself ? 

My friend wants to go out a few times a week. 

And yes we live close which is even harder in case I say I’m busy, yet seen running, so I don’t want to be dishonest either.

I don’t want to be awful, as I really adore her, but really Just want to word it correctly to  not dishearten her feelings. 

Sea_Shell

Ah I see, that does make it awkward.  She's basically getting "free" one on one running training!!  No wonder she's keen!

Maybe send her an invoice....only kidding.

If it were me I'd say, I'm happy to run with you once a week, but I'm sorry but on my other runs I need to clear my head, de-stress and be at one with myself, as I'm training others all the time...so I need to do that alone.  I hope you understand.

I real friend should understand....you hope.

Grumpy_chap

I would imagine this should solve itself in a short time - maybe it is just a lock down issue.  I was invited to join a friend running a couple of years back and while the run was enjoyable enough as a run, and I liked the variation on route to normal, my friend's pace was a lot faster than mine.  I could see that I was holding him back, so after a couple of sessions, I gracefully suggested it was not right to make it a regular thing.