Secret credit card debt, I'm going to tell my husband

fairygirl25

Hi, so I'm new here. I have a secret credit card debt of £3700 that my husband doesn't know about. I'm a stay at home mum and I get a monthly allowance into my bank account for "spending money" and food etc. So I have managed to keep paying the credit card without my husband knowing. I hate myself so bad, the whole thing has spiralled out of control. I am so ashamed of myself, I feel like I can't breathe. What makes this even worse is that about a year ago my mum paid off my debt. Since then I have yet again spent this amount! I realise I have a problem. I also realise that I can't live with this lie anymore. I need to confess everything. 
The issue I have now is that I don't know how and when to tell him. I have this overwhelming urge to tell him right now but at the same time I feel like it would be selfish because he's very happy right now. He has some exciting things happening and I shouldn't ruin it for him.  Also next month I have a chance to bring down the credit card debt to £3300 and I feel it would be easier to tell him. But all I feel is like crying. He's going to be so angry and hurt, he doesn't deserve it. I'm such a bad wife. 
I'm not sure what to do about the timing and how do I tell him this? He's so good with money and I'm not. But he trusted me. The reason why I got the credit card in the first place was because I wanted to have a nice Christmas one year and I too scared to ask him some extra money. He's not violent or anything, I was afraid of his reaction as I am now... please help, any advice would be great! Please don't be too harsh, I know I've messed up big time! Thanks for reading.
  

mrsmoneypenny90

Hey, firstly you should sit down and work out what the money has been spent on. If it’s things you have bought for every day life then maybe your “allowance” for spends is not enough, surely you and your husband are a team, and when you marry someone remember it’s for better or worse. Also, £3700 is not in the grand scheme of things the worst thing in the world, if you come clean with him maybe you two can sit down together and work out a plan as a team, as a marriage is supposed to be. If it was me I would just tell him, he has probably already picked up that something is wrong with you and will probably be relieved when you tell him that it’s only about money and your not sick or unhappy with him or anything. Anyway, good luck!

jak

I agree you should look at where the money has gone. I would also (gently) question why you feel so scared to speak to him? Are you ok in your marriage? From a financial point of view that is a relatively small debt so perhaps it would help if you wrote down a plan to pay off the money to show him rather than just tell him? All the best xxx

fairygirl25

So I told him everything! Thank you both, your messages were the final push I needed. He took it much better than I feared. He was angry at first but then gave me a cuddle and said he is glad I told him. He has made a plan now how we pay it off and he even apologised for getting angry at first. Obviously I told him that it was an expected and justified reaction. But I feel such a relief now! 

IrishSean

fairygirl25 said:

So I told him everything! Thank you both, your messages were the final push I needed. He took it much better than I feared. He was angry at first but then gave me a cuddle and said he is glad I told him. He has made a plan now how we pay it off and he even apologised for getting angry at first. Obviously I told him that it was an expected and justified reaction. But I feel such a relief now! 

Great to hear; post up if you need advice on shifting the debt to avoid interest (if possible). I agree with others, the more you work as a team the better; teenagers get allowances, spouses have earnings / household income 😉

Planning holidays and celebrations as a team will mean you have the good times together without hiding anything or financial shocks afterwards. It's important to identify triggers to your spending so hopefully this problem won't happen you again.
In short though, it's all being well a happier road from here.
💪