Revealed humiliating CC debt to my husband and can't remortgage

Katie875

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and feeling really ashamed and humiliated writing this and barely holding it together. Haven't slept all night and I've been up since 4am, trying to figure out how to say this all. My husband and I bought our house two years ago, when I was completely free of any debt. It's now time to remortgage, and I have racked up a credit card debt of £12k, split over 3 credit cards. I used that to help my parents, who are struggling financially and were at risk of losing their home. I didn't tell him when I first started helping them because I knew they'd be so embarrassed to know he knows, and I didn't want him to be burdened by my own family's issues. I've been paying this debt off every month, but I'm on a £35k salary so it's taking a while, and interest is adding up.

I've never missed any payments and I overpaid my mortgage last year. My credit score is in the fair band but my credit report reflects all those credit card debts, so I expect our mortgage broker to basically have no mortgage offers for us. How do I get out of this? I feel like my life is spinning out of control. Any advice? How does everyone else deal with something like this?

Thank you

BabyStepper

Regarding your mortgage, new debt won't necessarily stop you getting a new mortgage deal. You can use the calculator on this website to work out what you might be able to get, even with debt. Worst case scenario is that you might move to a new deal with your current provider, and if you don't change the amount or the term, they probably won't even do a credit check. Your mortgage is probably fine. 

The bigger problem is that you're keeping secrets from your husband. When you're married, your resources belong to you both, also your worries, including those about your parents' finances. You're not helping your parents either if they can't stand on their own feet financially, if their lifestyle needs to change then that's what needs to happen. How long are they planning to keep taking money from you? Are they going to pay it back? 

My advice, for what it's worth, is to tell your husband what you'e done, tell him you're sorry and you know it was not the right thing, and hope he understands. Stop financing your parents' life and help them become solvent. Set up a debt free diary and work out how to repay the debt. And you and your husband can look at new mortgages together, with both of you having a full understanding of what's happened.  

I wish you all the best. 

Mr87

I agree with @BabyStepper. I doubt it will be an issue regarding getting a mortgage as the unsecured debt is not a significant enough proportion of your income (I have been personally reassured on this point before). You don't have any other debts e.g car loan? I assume that your husband also has an income and if you are applying for a mortgage on a joint basis I would be surprised if it were a factor for a lender at all. Speak to a fee free mortgage advisor and be completely honest about your debts. I assume you are still relatively young? Chalk it up to experience. 

Ignore your credit score, it is just a number. It is also just a number (mostly) based on your finances alone unless you have other financial associations. What matters is what you put on your mortgage application. 

What I would recommend is paring back on your expenses for at least 3 months before your application in preparation for affordability checks. That way it shows up on your bank statements for your application. This obviously has the advantage of paying those cards back sooner as well! If you are feeling brave you could post an SOA and people will help provide a (judgement free) assessment on where you could cut costs.

Do you have any 0% balance transfer offers on your cards that you can do the 'credit card shuffle?' You could also have a look at the eligibility checker on MSE credit club to see if you could get a new 0% BT card but it might be tricky at the moment. Although be wary of having a CC application in advance of mortgage application, I've seen it recommended you have at least 6 months from any CC appns and any mortgage application...

Share your financial situation with your other half. It will be a burden off your shoulders and you will both learn from it. I can also personally vouch for it. 

enthusiasticsaver

If you have not already told your husband that is the first thing you need to do. Whether or not it embarrasses your family you need to tell him as this impacts on him too.

Having credit card debt does not mean you will not get a remortgage deal but yes it may well exclude you from deals or put some lenders off you altogether. Approach your current lender first as they will not credit score you.

You need to stop helping your parents. You obviously cannot afford it or you would not have had to go into debt. Do you have any savings? Help your parents by supporting them to change their lifestyle and budget according to their circumstances. 

EssexHebridean

So you have never missed a payment, your credit history is reasonable, I presume that your Husband's is at least this good, if not better - that all seems unlikely to add up to having no possibilities for remortgaging, to me. 

Although normally the advice to look for 0% deals would be solid - I'm going to suggest that now is definitely NOT the time to do that with an upcoming remortgage. The last thing you want is recent searches on your file at the moment - remortgage first, and then start to look at possible 0% deals for any CC debt you are paying interest on.

You definitely need to tell your husband about the situation - Although he may well be shocked at first, the most likely response once it has sunk in is going to be sorrow that you have shouldered this burden on your own for as long as you have. the longer you leave it before telling him, the more that will also translate into him feeling horrified that you did not trust him enough to come clan, also. You said that you didn't want him to be burdened by "your own family's issues" but ultimately HE is your family - and he does need to know about this situation.

What is the current situation with your parents also - was their financial issue a short term one which has now been dealt with, and if so are they repaying you the money that you have loaned them? Did they know that the money you were helping them out with wasn't actually yours, but was being borrowed? If it is an ongoing situation then it also needs sorting out though - you cannot carry on bailing them out, regardless of how much you might wish to, if you are doing so with money you don't actually have i the first instance! As for them feeling embarrassed about your husband knowing - I'm afraid that needs to be considered irrelevant, and I hope that they have not suggested that you should not tell him - there is one thing that parents should never do IMO, and that is to get between a husband and wife in matters this important. If they have even inferred that he should not know, then you need to tell them firmly, but with love, that they are making a request that is simply unacceptable. 

Katie875

Thanks so much everyone. My husband has a perfect credit score, which he's maintained for his entire life. He has never had any kind of debt and is very good at managing his money. I found the courage to speak to him about this all last night, he's understandably furious and disappointed in me and thinks we need to pause the remortgaging for a few months until we pay off some of the balance, together. I don't have any other debts and neither does he. Our joint income is about £80k p.a., so we can't pay all that off in the next 2-3 months and apply for the mortgage then...

My parents have never needed any help financially in the past, but my grandmother recently required costly treatment for a health issue that she didn't manage to overcome, which made my mum ask me for help (she knows my monthly salary but assumed I was saving as well, which I wasn't). The money went towards her care in her last few weeks, and I didn't contribute to the funeral costs - I've been carrying those debts ever since though, paying little by little. 

enthusiasticsaver

Well done on telling your husband and he is quite right that repaying some of the debt before remortgaging may be better. Sorry to hear that in spite of the expenditure on your grandmothers health issue she didn't make it. Have your parents offered to repay you from the estate? 

Mr87

Katie875 said:

 I don't have any other debts and neither does he. Our joint income is about £80k p.a., so we can't pay all that off in the next 2-3 months and apply for the mortgage then...
 

What is your current mortgage payment pcm? 

Katie875

My parents have offered to gradually repay me, but they're pensioners and make very little. They don't know that I borrowed to help. I've basically made a giant mess and everyone's disappointed in me.

Thrugelmir

You did the right thing in helping your parents. That's what matters. Money far to often dominates modern life. When other things hold far greater value. 

Mr87

Katie875 said:

My parents have offered to gradually repay me, but they're pensioners and make very little. They don't know that I borrowed to help. I've basically made a giant mess and everyone's disappointed in me.

I think you are being far too hard on yourself, personally. The sentiment was what mattered here. You made a mistake and have owed up to it. The disappointment should pass, so don't beat yourself up over it. 

I ask about your mortgage payment because on your joint income that level of debt is far from what I (again, personally speaking) would consider "highly problematic". It seems very likely that you could put your mind to clearing it over a very short period of time, you might not need to clear much of it at all to get a good mortgage deal, so I don't think you should dwell on it . Like I said : chalk it up to experience!