Is this bullying?

Charlie3331

One of my (24f) colleagues at work (25m) is being very unfriendly at work and it's starting to get to me but I don't know whether it counts as bullying or not. Some of the things he does:

1) Ignores me, pulls faces and moves away from me when I speak to him.

2) Calls me a b**ch and continues to even after multiple requests from me for him to stop. He tries to pass it of in a joking way.

3) Makes up lies and/or twists the truth to make me look bad. For example, he told everyone i put a special lock on the computer so that only I can use it because I don't want anyone to use it - the computer is broken and not even I can log onto it. He knows this - i've told everyone multiple times the computer is broken and i'm trying to get it fixed.

4) He has told my boss he doesn't want to work with me but has given no good excuse as to why.

I've had enough. I don't want to work with him either due to the reasons above. I feel like my boss isn't taking me seriously - though I haven't told him that my colleague calls me a b**ch.

I feel like he is doing this because I got the job I have now. We both applied but I got it and now I'm technically his boss.

I don't want to quit as I need the money and job security especially during this pandemic, but I don't want to work here while he is treating me like this. I have started taking a record of all the things he says/does but I have no concrete proof. I also would like to know if I'm just overreacting or not.

p00hsticks

No, I don't think you're overreacting.

Calling someone a b*tch in a work environment is unacceptable, however 'jokey' they think they are being.

Comms69

Charlie3331 said:

One of my (24f) colleagues at work (25m) is being very unfriendly at work and it's starting to get to me but I don't know whether it counts as bullying or not. Some of the things he does:

1) Ignores me, pulls faces and moves away from me when I speak to him.

2) Calls me a b**ch and continues to even after multiple requests from me for him to stop. He tries to pass it of in a joking way.

3) Makes up lies and/or twists the truth to make me look bad. For example, he told everyone i put a special lock on the computer so that only I can use it because I don't want anyone to use it - the computer is broken and not even I can log onto it. He knows this - i've told everyone multiple times the computer is broken and i'm trying to get it fixed.

4) He has told my boss he doesn't want to work with me but has given no good excuse as to why.

I've had enough. I don't want to work with him either due to the reasons above. I feel like my boss isn't taking me seriously - though I haven't told him that my colleague calls me a b**ch.

I feel like he is doing this because I got the job I have now. We both applied but I got it and now I'm technically his boss.

I don't want to quit as I need the money and job security especially during this pandemic, but I don't want to work here while he is treating me like this. I have started taking a record of all the things he says/does but I have no concrete proof. I also would like to know if I'm just overreacting or not.

If you are his boss, act like it

[Deleted User]

No not overreacting.
Wonder if you can limit physically speaking to him by using a messaging platform.

Charlie3331

Comms69 said:

Charlie3331 said:

One of my (24f) colleagues at work (25m) is being very unfriendly at work and it's starting to get to me but I don't know whether it counts as bullying or not. Some of the things he does:

1) Ignores me, pulls faces and moves away from me when I speak to him.

2) Calls me a b**ch and continues to even after multiple requests from me for him to stop. He tries to pass it of in a joking way.

3) Makes up lies and/or twists the truth to make me look bad. For example, he told everyone i put a special lock on the computer so that only I can use it because I don't want anyone to use it - the computer is broken and not even I can log onto it. He knows this - i've told everyone multiple times the computer is broken and i'm trying to get it fixed.

4) He has told my boss he doesn't want to work with me but has given no good excuse as to why.

I've had enough. I don't want to work with him either due to the reasons above. I feel like my boss isn't taking me seriously - though I haven't told him that my colleague calls me a b**ch.

I feel like he is doing this because I got the job I have now. We both applied but I got it and now I'm technically his boss.

I don't want to quit as I need the money and job security especially during this pandemic, but I don't want to work here while he is treating me like this. I have started taking a record of all the things he says/does but I have no concrete proof. I also would like to know if I'm just overreacting or not.

If you are his boss, act like it

not sure what this means - elaboration needed

nicechap

Charlie3331 said:

One of my (24f) colleagues at work (25m) is being very unfriendly at work and it's starting to get to me but I don't know whether it counts as bullying or not. Some of the things he does:

1) Ignores me, pulls faces and moves away from me when I speak to him.

2) Calls me a b**ch and continues to even after multiple requests from me for him to stop. He tries to pass it of in a joking way.

3) Makes up lies and/or twists the truth to make me look bad. For example, he told everyone i put a special lock on the computer so that only I can use it because I don't want anyone to use it - the computer is broken and not even I can log onto it. He knows this - i've told everyone multiple times the computer is broken and i'm trying to get it fixed.

4) He has told my boss he doesn't want to work with me but has given no good excuse as to why.

I've had enough. I don't want to work with him either due to the reasons above. I feel like my boss isn't taking me seriously - though I haven't told him that my colleague calls me a b**ch.

I feel like he is doing this because I got the job I have now. We both applied but I got it and now I'm technically his boss.

I don't want to quit as I need the money and job security especially during this pandemic, but I don't want to work here while he is treating me like this. I have started taking a record of all the things he says/does but I have no concrete proof. I also would like to know if I'm just overreacting or not.

I agree with pOOhsticks, their behaviour is unacceptable.  And it is your place as their boss to correct it. 

Without knowing the industry or culture of your company, I would suggest you have 1-1 meeting with them and read the riot act explaining that their insolence, disrespect and rudeness will not be tolerated.   Each instance needs to be challenged at the time and then addressed as part of an improvement plan at the next 1-1.  If things don't improve, you need the support of your own boss to go down the capability route - or disciplinary if he is still calling female colleagues bitches.

Good luck.

Charlie3331

Deleted User said:

No not overreacting.
Wonder if you can limit physically speaking to him by using a messaging platform.

it's difficult in our line of work as it's a more physical job rather than office based but I could try and limit contact

Charlie3331

nicechap said:

Charlie3331 said:

One of my (24f) colleagues at work (25m) is being very unfriendly at work and it's starting to get to me but I don't know whether it counts as bullying or not. Some of the things he does:

1) Ignores me, pulls faces and moves away from me when I speak to him.

2) Calls me a b**ch and continues to even after multiple requests from me for him to stop. He tries to pass it of in a joking way.

3) Makes up lies and/or twists the truth to make me look bad. For example, he told everyone i put a special lock on the computer so that only I can use it because I don't want anyone to use it - the computer is broken and not even I can log onto it. He knows this - i've told everyone multiple times the computer is broken and i'm trying to get it fixed.

4) He has told my boss he doesn't want to work with me but has given no good excuse as to why.

I've had enough. I don't want to work with him either due to the reasons above. I feel like my boss isn't taking me seriously - though I haven't told him that my colleague calls me a b**ch.

I feel like he is doing this because I got the job I have now. We both applied but I got it and now I'm technically his boss.

I don't want to quit as I need the money and job security especially during this pandemic, but I don't want to work here while he is treating me like this. I have started taking a record of all the things he says/does but I have no concrete proof. I also would like to know if I'm just overreacting or not.

I agree with pOOhsticks, their behaviour is unacceptable.  And it is your place as their boss to correct it. 

Without knowing the industry or culture of your company, I would suggest you have 1-1 meeting with them and read the riot act explaining that their insolence, disrespect and rudeness will not be tolerated.   Each instance needs to be challenged at the time and then addressed as part of an improvement plan at the next 1-1.  If things don't improve, you need the support of your own boss to go down the capability route - or disciplinary if he is still calling female colleagues bitches.

Good luck.

Thanks, I will do that

TELLIT01

What do you mean by "technically his boss"?  You are either their boss (line manager) or you are not.  If he is one of your reportees then I agree with what the others have said, you need to read the riot act to him.  Warn him that it is not acceptable and any repetition will be reported, with the likelihood of a formal warning.  You do also need to speak to your own boss and tell him that you have been called a !!!!!!.  If he tries to laugh it off, put it in writing via e-mail so you have a paper trail.

Dakta

"Calling someone a b*tch in a work environment is unacceptable, however 'jokey' they think they are being."

This. It can be easy to read into things at work (i.e people being short with you when they are just having a bad day themselves) and get the wrong impression, but this is so far across the line I don't think there is any doubt as to whether it is appropriate or not.

Also don't forget, you can't really change how you feel about things, nor should you have to - so if someone is causing you to feel bullied, you're being bullied. I'd always be mindful of not reading too deeply into stuff, but if it feels like bullying it certainly needs addressing whatever it is.

I don't know your company culture  but I don't think from your description it would be inappropriate at all to make it known that you won't tolerate this treatment

Brynsam

Charlie3331 said:

I've had enough. I don't want to work with him either due to the reasons above. I feel like my boss isn't taking me seriously - though I haven't told him that my colleague calls me a b**ch.

Why not? You're complaining your boss isn't taking you seriously, but if you aren't giving him the whole picture, blame yourself.