Wasteful spending has to stop: 41 is too old for this

candyfloss1978 · 5 February 2020 at 9:35AM

Long time lurker here. Finally decided to start a diary of my own as I really really need to keep self accountable.

Bit of background: For many many years I was in significant amounts of debt. My parents were very strict and though they helped with my education in the traditional way, I was totally uneducated and very naive about what I'd now term "life skills". They never educated me financially. I had no idea what an interest rate was and they also controlled everything I did in life. So when I went off to university I had all this freedom all of a sudden and I was, of course, targeted by banks, credit card companies, mobile phone companies, store card sellers etc etc. I think I had everything going and just saw it as "free" money and it was a bit of a two fingers up to my parents I suppose. Racked up thousands of pounds worth of debt, despite having a job all through summer holidays and on saturdays term time. Absolute nightmare.

Then I got a good job in London on graduation, but again, just stupidly believed I had a good job so could spend and continued to rack up debts. More and more though because by now I was out most nights a week in expensive London bars. Basically just !!!!ing money up the wall. So so wise of me, obviously.

I did (no idea how now I look back at it!) manage to buy a flat in South London in 2003. I got a 100% mortgage and my parents paid the fees (I paid them back) but ended up moving away from the area and renting it out. But motivation to buy it wasn't financial as I had no clues, it was so I could get cats! Now I'm just sounding ridiculous.

Then just after I bought my flat, I lost my job, basically for being utterly incompetent and slacking off. Cue even more debt. Thankfully I got another job about 3 months later and have never been unemployed since (other than by choice) but I was now in a right mess. My parents offered to help me out but I think I realised how stupid I'd been (maybe I'd taken some maturity pills overnight) and declined as felt I needed to get myself out of the mess I had created.

I guess the debt continued until I was about 28/29 in the end (not in terms of racking more up thankfully, but I mean in terms of me paying it off). And since then I've not been in debt other than mortgages.

Fast forward to now: 41, married, 1 DC, trying for another. Own house with DH (with a hefty, but affordable mortgage), still own the flat bought in 2003 which is still rented out but on the market for sale as it is becoming a hassle in a lot of ways. Thankfully that has risen in value quite a lot, and because I bought it in 2003, it does not have a huge amount left on the mortgage, meaning if it sells, I will have a significant lump sum to invest in the future. If it doesn't it needs lots of work, which is an issue as will mean it will not only be cost of that, but also no rent to cover mortgage/utilities etc until it's re-rented! So trying to sell. Even if have to take a fairly big hit.

Work 4 days a week in a job I tolerate but find very very boring. Good salary and benefits but SO bored. Was doing a job which wasn't boring until a few years ago but was v v stressful and which impacted on my health both physically and mentally so decided to take a step back as knew wanted to have kids and that the stress was not good for me. Potential to go back to that job (though in a different company) and earn twice what I am now, which I have toyed with many times, but decided against it, at least for the moment. Time with DC and my health are much more important.

Current debt is our home mortgage and the flat mortgage and also just shy of £5k left from when we bought a car - however, this is on a 0% credit card so we will have paid that off before the 0% rate runs out. Other than that, we have no debt.

So, if we have no debt, why am I here? Well, what I would call "wasteful" spending still continues today and I want to get a grip on it. I wasted SO much money over the years that when I think about it, I feel very sick. I reckon we could have bought a holiday home with all I've wasted. I am, in the main, talking about the money wasted in the years I've described above, I don't waste on interest or fines etc any more. But we are still very wasteful as a family and I want to get a grip.

I guess it's also little things, like, I sometimes, well, quite often, get a take away coffee on the way into work at £2.75 a pop, despite the fact we have a nespresso machine. I am going to, from tomorrow (not working today!) make my own and take it in (I think we have countless cups in the cupboard for this). I mean, we even have a nespresso machine in our office, so I could just take a bunch of pods in and use work's milk!!!! I am literally so stupid like this.

And we waste so much on buying utter crap from amazon and the like. DH is always like "oh, it's only £x" but that's not the point. We also spend a fortune on food. We are no-where near cheaper supermarkets so our shopping is quite expensive. I have been trying in recent weeks to be more frugal and really think about cheaper shopping but the minimum I can usually get it down to is £70 a week (not including nappies).

We are looking to move house either this year or next but don't want to use money from my flat sale (if it sells!). We are looking for a project so need money for that and also trying for DC2 and if that happens (I'm 41 so guess we may even need IVF) then there's obviously another huge cost.

Anyway, sorry for the long waffly post. I basically need to stop wasting money so am coming on here trying to seek inspiration from others but also to try to keep myself more accountable by seeing the shame spending in writing!

pink68 · 5 February 2020 at 1:31PM

Welcome!
I'm a bit older than you and my kids are (nearly) all grown up so my focus is retirement, but like you I waste money. I read somewhere that it helps to view those odd pounds spent in terms of how many hours you would have to work to pay for them.
For example at the weekend hubby and I were going to stop at a cafe for a cuppa and I thought 'I'd enjoy the cuppa but that's half an hours work to pay for it, if I go home and make us a cuppa instead I can retire half an hour earlier' Maybe thinking of the treats in terms of time worked might help you curb them?

Sea_Shell · 5 February 2020 at 2:20PM

I'd suggest a spending diary.

Within this, mark items as needs or wants.

Literally log every single £ spent over the next 3 months. Then when you have the data you can interrogate it!!

Half the battle is knowing where it's going!!

Ponylover · 5 February 2020 at 2:34PM

Welcome!
Frittering is my biggest issue too. But my new years resolution was to change that.
Now before I buy anything I ask myself if I am buying it because I need it, or want it?
If it's because I just want it I havnt allowed myself to buy.
Other than the odd slip up it's working well. And I havnt regretted not buying anything yet!