After some advice please - How can I help?

Merlot

Hi, I'm after some advice, I'm not being nosey but I am very concerned about my neighbour. I found out last week that Mr neighbour went bankrupt in March and was discharged in October, they are currently loading a self hire van up with their goods, and a notice has been placed in the window by whom I don't know informing all and sundry that they have 7 days in which to remove the contents from the house. My real concern is for Mrs neighbour, she was diagnosed with breast cancer last December and is undergoing chemo, why are they moving out if Mr neighbour has been discharged? Why did the judge/mortgage company not show some compassion to Mrs Neighbour who is receiving treatment for cancer, I do know my neighbours well enough to chat to on the street, but I want to help without interferring, what can I do, my OH is going ask Mr neighbour when he returns home from work at lunchtime if he needs help removing heavy appliances, but I feel useless and they are the talk of the neighbourhood, what can I do?

I read about people being reprossessed but I have never actually known anyone until now, my heart goes out to them, I wish I could do something, but what I don't know

Richard_S

Hi Merlot,

Unfortunately being discharged doesn't always mean that that's the end of things; any assets, such as the house, will still be disposed of post discharge.

I think your neighbour would appreciate any kindness you could show her. We had to move out of our house because of our bankruptcy and there was certainly a good deal of satisfaction on the part of some neighbours about our misfortunes (albeit temporary).

There is no compassion when it comes to secured assets, Judges will do all they can, but ultimately you have to accept the reality and move on, or move out as in your neighbour's case.

Don't be surprised if their response is a little "cool" for a start because it's not unusual to feel that other people are only interested in the gory details, but I'm sure once she realises you're genuine she'll appreciate you taking the time to ask if there's anything you can do. There's more than a good chance that there's no power in the house so just the offer of a hot drink could be more than welcome.

Regards

Richard

Millie's_Mum

If Mrs Neighbour is not well could you offer to let her come into your house today whilst this is all going on instead of having to watch her house being packed up?

Scarlett.1974

Hi merlot

It's lovely that you're so concerned about your neighbours I think Unfortunately I don't think there's a lot you can do to help, apart from offering any practical help you can, like help with moving stuff, or offering tea/coffee - seems a bit useless I know.

Even though you say Mr Neighbour went BR this year, he would have still needed to keep up the payments on his mortgage (and any secured lending) to keep his house and it would seem that he hasn't been able to do this if it's being reposessed

Very sad situation and one that's sadly becoming more and more common.

Just a thought - maybe they've done a voluntary reposession? Jumping before they're pushed, so to speak. That's actually what we're doing, early next year and I'm glad we're doing it that way, OUR way, it helps me to feel a little more in control of the situation.

Best of luck to your neighbours.

Merlot

Richard, I never gave it thought their wouldn't be any power, I'm off to ask them if they would like a coffee, it piddling down here and cold.

Mrs neighbour and I have spoken on many occasions in the past, but today when I was on my way to school she simply put her head down and didn't acknowledge me and then when I return home theirs a notice in there window. How cruel of someone to do that to them, whilst they are packing up their goods.

Richard_S

Merlot wrote: »

Richard, I never gave it thought their wouldn't be any power, I'm off to ask them if they would like a coffee, it piddling down here and cold.

Mrs neighbour and I have spoken on many occasions in the past, but today when I was on my way to school she simply put her head down and didn't acknowledge me and then when I return home theirs a notice in there window. How cruel of someone to do that to them, whilst they are packing up their goods.

Hi Merlot,

Please don't take the fact that she didn't acknowledge you as being a snub; it's far more likely she's upset and I can't imagine what it must be like having to cope with the fallout from bankruptcy and health problems.

I must admit that I didn't feel any shame, and it wasn't a problem for us, but that's not how everyone sees things. You do sometimes get the feeling that once you get to the stage of bankruptcy you become ostracised from mainstream society. The vultures and bottom dwellers associated with that sort of thing are like something from the Victorian age.

Richard

Merlot

Been over and offered my OH help in moving appliances, Mr Neighbour seemed really pleased with that offer and my OH will be home within 1/2 hour, and hes off over there to help.

Offered coffee, and bacon rolls - they accepted that, and thats been taken over there.

I didn't say anything else, but Mrs Neighbour stood behind Mr Neighbour the whole time I was over there (only for a five minutes), she was obviously upset and had been crying, I didn't want to stay around too long as I didn't want them thinking I was after "the gossip".

I'm feeling useless, upset and angry, but thats nothing to how Mrs Neighbour is probably feeling, I do hope it turns out for them, they are such a nice couple with two young children (10 & 8).

meech78

Merlot i just read your post and had to say, if you were my neighbour, i would be very proud to have you around!! I think it is lovely that you would want to help them out and it is obviously upsetting you which means you have a big heart and are obviously a very kind and thoughtful person rather than a horrid old gossip like ones that live next to me!

Homework

Some people don't realise that debt can be so cruel and fail to see the people behind the stories. Your neighbour must be having a terrible day and will remember your kindness when they are able to think back to today. They probably feel very alone today.

There are so many people who are sitting in their houses and no one knows the debt they have and the sleepless nights. I hope they find this forum and get a chance to talk to other people. It's good that you don't have to be alone but can still retain your privacy on here.

betterlatethannever

Merlot, the best thing you can do is just be there. I cried if anyone tried to help me during BR, i cried if no one helped me during BR, it was a no win situation for those close to me.
One big thing you can do is not talk about what has happened to others (though i'm guessing your not going to from your post).
Can you prehaps offer to have the children for a couple of hours, and if you have the money, maybe treat them to something little. It doesn't have to be a big thing, just a simple ice cream, trip to the shop and a magazine for each of them? I know my biggest concern was for my daughter (even though shes a lot older than the two you have mentioned) and a little treat might be a huge thing in there lives right now.
Good luck, and i wish all neighbours were like you. x