Help with ex

Fourfoot

I received a WhatsApp message Xmas Day from someone claiming to be my abusive ex's new wife. It asked do I not think it's time that I paid him what I owed him.
I broke up with him in 2015 and he tried to strangle me. I got a restraining order and had him convicted. He then stalked and harassed me to the point where he humiliated me in the most public way, and I lost my new job as a result of it. I was out of work for 3 months.
Despite this, I kept paying him £25pcm, but I now can't remember how much I owe him. My payment in Jan 2016 was returned because he closed his bank account. My solicitor wrote to him twice requesting the new bank details, he ignored the first letter and sent the second back RTS- Not at this address, but it's his writing on the envelope and Land Reg shows it's still his house.
Four years later, this woman has come out of the woodwork. I'm terrified he's going to find me a start making a nuisance of himself again. I've married and moved house twice. I feel like this is his way of trying to force his way back into my life and he obviously hasn't told his wife the whole story. In the past he's tried to contact me through his friend's Facebook accounts and sent letters claiming to be from his own sister. I've reported the text, but the police aren't interested.

Can anyone give me some advice, I don't know what to do. Do I have to engage with them and pay him back?

Willing2Learn

Fourfoot wrote: »

I received a WhatsApp message Xmas Day from someone claiming to be my abusive ex's new wife. It asked do I not think it's time that I paid him what I owed him.
I broke up with him in 2015 and he tried to strangle me. I got a restraining order and had him convicted. He then stalked and harassed me to the point where he humiliated me in the most public way, and I lost my new job as a result of it. I was out of work for 3 months.
Despite this, I kept paying him £25pcm, but I now can't remember how much I owe him. My payment in Jan 2016 was returned because he closed his bank account. My solicitor wrote to him twice requesting the new bank details, he ignored the first letter and sent the second back RTS- Not at this address, but it's his writing on the envelope and Land Reg shows it's still his house.
Four years later, this woman has come out of the woodwork. I'm terrified he's going to find me a start making a nuisance of himself again. I've married and moved house twice. I feel like this is his way of trying to force his way back into my life and he obviously hasn't told his wife the whole story. In the past he's tried to contact me through his friend's Facebook accounts and sent letters claiming to be from his own sister. I've reported the text, but the police aren't interested.

Can anyone give me some advice, I don't know what to do. Do I have to engage with them and pay him back?

Your solicitor wrote to your ex twice already to request his new bank account details. This gives you a paper-trail. If it was me, I would just ignore the WhatsApp message and block the contact.

And welcome to the forum Fourfoot

sourcrates

Moved from stepchange debt advisor’s sticky to new thread.

CakeCrusader

What is it that you're paying him for, Fourfoot?

Fourfoot

I honestly can’t remember if it’s for a sofa or whether he cleared a credit card. I’ve been in touch with my old bank and requested a transaction history to try and work it out.

clairebeth

Do not reply to the WhatsApp and block the contact. Change your number if you need to. You went down the right route before and he didn't supply his bank details. You have done the right thing to request the transaction history so that you have the information to hand if his solicitor gets in touch with your solicitor, otherwise, you have no obligation to respond to him or his partner.

Also, you know that saying 'the best revenge is living well'? Just bear that in mind. Keep living the good life you have made for yourself, if that's what she does on Christmas day, just think to yourself how far you've come and you don't need to lower yourself to that level by replying to her WhatsApp.

fatbelly

Fourfoot wrote: »

Can anyone give me some advice, I don't know what to do. Do I have to engage with them and pay him back?

It's unlikely that you have a legal liability for anything.

It seems healthiest if you two have no contact whatsoever.

CakeCrusader

If you don't know what you're paying for then it's best that you don't pay anything at all. It's best to block that number, I'd also recommend seeking advice about that non molestation order, especially as he's using others to contact you as he may be in breach of it (assuming it hasn't expired by now), it's worth asking for another one given his history of harassment. It's also worth making a complaint to the Police (about the Police) and getting in touch with these folk; https://www.suzylamplugh.org/pages/category/national-stalking-helpline

sourcrates

That is the problem with social media, it allows someone to get in your face, and meddle in stuff, they don`t really know anything about, youve had good advice, block the contact, change your name slightly, so you won`t show up in searches, hell remove the account entirely if need be, social media is there to serve you, not be a sourse of fear.

As for the payments, i`d stop paying them straight away, daft paying for something when you don`t know what it is, he seems to want to be elusive, so let him be so, ignore anyone else, remove their ability to contact you, simple things can be done so you choose who contacts you, its about retaining control of the situation, keyboard warriers are everywhere.

Unicorn_cottage

Take screenshots of any dodgy messages and store them as evidence. Do you have a crime reference number etc as you should be able to log instances of harassment etc so you have a record. Block the number that contacted you on Christmas Day. He is just trying to get under your skin. Ignore it.

Fourfoot

Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply, I feel a lot calmer. I haven't responded, the number is blocked and I've found out who she is and blocked her from my Facebook as well.

Wishing everyone the best for 2020 x