Money Moral Dilemma: How much should I spend on presents for friends' children?

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  • DigForVictory
    DigForVictory Posts: 11,912 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Photogenic First Post
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    Absolutely sock all.

    Have a quick leaf through this & invite them to join you for the free things.

    (I used to haul the lads along our road gawking at the Christmas decorations, and we'd then tuck a postcard through our most enjoyed house letter box, thanking them & saying how much we preferred it to the others.)

    Just do not open your wallet. Or purse. It goes on for decades & there gets to be a nasty sense of "well, if he gets then I ought" and very little by way of thank you letters.
  • guineapig
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    I have given neighbours kids birthday money/Christmas gift or money and little pressies from our holidays not to mention clothes/household stuff to their Mum and furniture over the last 15 years I have been doing this I have had about 3 or 4 thank you cards but NEVER EVER as much as the fluff from under their bed as a gift! It seems people perceive us as being well off ( not really, just good custodians who don't waste it!) That in turn means we are never given even a tiny token gift by way of a show of grattitude - ever! There is too much sense of entitlement and it sadly is almost always one-sided:-( Don't start something, you might later regret, easier to not ever start than to stop as it then seems "pointed".
  • happyinflorida
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    I'd spend the same amount on each child


    When my children were young, they appreciated money the most because they could choose what they wanted with the money given, so I'd put money in an envelope with a childs Christmas card
  • gloriouslyhappy
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    Six children now but possibly more later, when do you stop? At age 18 then a special present on their 21st? Gets very expensive and raises expectations. I'd fall in line with suggestions posted here to do free things, I like the neighbourhood lights tour with postcard award idea, and a mug of hot chocolate afterwards. Stop now! But if you really feel you must give something, how about a £20 cinema voucher then the whole family can select a movie, and the parents can top up as needed, or better yet, a tin of home made goodies.
  • gloriouslyhappy
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    guineapig wrote: »
    I have given neighbours kids birthday money/Christmas gift or money and little pressies from our holidays not to mention clothes/household stuff to their Mum and furniture over the last 15 years I have been doing this I have had about 3 or 4 thank you cards but NEVER EVER as much as the fluff from under their bed as a gift! It seems people perceive us as being well off ( not really, just good custodians who don't waste it!) That in turn means we are never given even a tiny token gift by way of a show of grattitude - ever! There is too much sense of entitlement and it sadly is almost always one-sided:-( Don't start something, you might later regret, easier to not ever start than to stop as it then seems "pointed".

    Seems endless as well as thankless! How about starting to cut back this year, giving a card each to the children and a really small gift like a cello bag filled with sweets and chocs from Poundland, you could buy a fiver's worth of Santa shaped chocs and candy canes for example, and put a few in each bag, tie up with curly ribbon and attach to the card. Similar for birthdays, and stop the money and holiday souvenirs immediately. End of!
  • Lewie
    Lewie Posts: 344 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
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    Get out of this ridiculous habit of buying for friends kids.
    We now only buy for family children and not the adults.
    So less stressful, not only money wise but trying to think what to get.
    Same with birthdays.
    No more buting for adults for us.
    I suggested it just before my own birthday. Wouldn't have looked good if I announced it just after getting my gifts.:)
    Also, most presents aren't actually wanted.
    I have a unworn jumper hanging in my wardrobe after 4 years and have had ornamnets bought for me.
    I don't want more items gathering dust.
    Oh, and please don't take them to church instead as suggested by another poster.
    There's enough brainwashing going on in the world. :eek:
  • Loulouli74
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    I have bought for my best friend's children for 21 years, they are 21, 13, and 8, i have alot of young children in my family who i can't afford to buy for as there's so many, i asked her this year if i can just buy her a gift as her oldest is working and has her own place! She said not to worry, and i shouldn't have started 😊 i was so relieved, i am going to make biscuits for everyone i can't buy for, wrap them nicely and that's enough i feel x ♥ merry Christmas everyone
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