Lost and nowhere to turn

Willing2Learn

Willing2Learn wrote: »

... have you considered doing online opinion polls and market research? I earn between £100-£200 / month doing this, depending on how diligent I am. It is obviously not a solution for you, but it could pay for the odd day out here and there, and have a positive impact on your quality of life...

CoolBeans22 wrote: »

Thank you so much, do you have any recommended links?

I started up by signing up to a dozen different from the 23 listed in linked article below:
https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/make-money-surveys/

CoolBeans22

EssexHebridean wrote: »

HI OP - you really have been through a rotten time.

First - and most importantly, if you feel suicidal thoughts resurfacing please speak with someone. The Samaritans are available 24 hours a day, and the charity Mind also have a helpline that can point you to assistance that is available.

Take on board what Sourcrates has to say above - there is NO shame in bankruptcy whatsoever and it really could be the right route for you.

Might it help you to put together an SOA (Statement of Affairs) and post that in here so we can take a look and try to offer some further suggestions? I don't know whether the link in my signature is working again yet, but if not there is a post at the top of the board with a link to a temporary solution.

Thank you so much. We both have counsellors and our GP is aware. Unfortunately we are not able to see our counsellors as often as we would like, due to costs, but we know they are there.

I couldn’t actually find the SOA you mentioned, I’m not overly familiar with the site yet but if you have a link that would be brilliant. Thank you.

CoolBeans22

sazaccount wrote: »

Hi,

You don't mention that you or your partner are on any benefits, I suggest popping over to the benefits part of the forum to see what you can be claiming.

We don’t seem to ever get very far with benefits as we are private rental tenants and living in a larger house than we now need, hence why we are trying to move. I will try on that forum because I keep struggling to believe that we can’t get anything! Thank you for your suggestion and I will do that.

CoolBeans22

tlc678910 wrote: »

Hi,
I think you should try to make appointments to register with and get help from housing associations/social housing providers in your area. Tell them that you would like to register but would really appreciate the help and advice of a housing officer if possible.

Housing associations can manage their own waiting lists to my knowledge (which could be outdated I admit) so if you tell them about your ill health (depression as well as any physical issues) and affordability circumstances they might be able to use these when ranking your priority. Sometimes homes for “older people” are easier to get but these can be from the age of 55 - so don’t rule these out if you might be eligible.

Thank you so much. Part of the depression is really not knowing which way to turn sometimes and this is could advice that I can try.

CoolBeans22

Willing2Learn wrote: »

https://www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php


I agree. Please complete the SOA and post it up for best advice, guidance and support. Click on the 'format for MSE' button.

Thank you for the link I will do this and post.

onwards&upwards

CoolBeans22 wrote: »

Thank you so much, do you have any recommended links?

I like Prolific: https://www.prolific.co

The surveys are more interesting than most and the rewards are fair and can be sent straight to PayPal once you hit £5.

CoolBeans22

monetxchange wrote: »

Some great advice already. Just to say we're all here to support you. Put together a SOA and we'll see how it looks. Do not despair.

My number one focus would be checking your benefits. Nobody should have zero income for months on end. I don't know if you feel ashamed or not entitled to them, but you absolutely must apply as they're your entitlement. Benefits and some housing benefit/a council place could turn it around for you and your family.

Thank you. When my SSP ended, I went to the Citizens Advice and was told which benefit to apply for, I can’t remember the name now. I Had several interviews to complete the forms at the Job Centre and then got turned down as I didn’t work full time. I was in shock that I couldn’t even get anything pro rata.

CoolBeans22

CurlySue2017 wrote: »

I just wanted to say that you are by no means alone and I find that posting here really helps, it's almost like a form of counselling because you are 'talking to' people who have been through it themselves, or have close experience of it, so they understand.

The people on this board will not judge, they will simply advise and do their best to help.....and they really do help, trust me!

Keep posting here and keep your chin up, you will get through this

Thank you for your kind message and I think you are right. My husband is so proud and we battle on but I need to talk about it and get help. Thank you xx

CoolBeans22

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

The first thing to say is that any financial situation can be sorted but I am not sure an IVA is for you if you are both off ill. Stepchange are great and if you have not already rung them I strongly recommend you do that.

Sorry, I should clarify. My husband works full-time now. He left a managerial position on a Friday and literally started over again on the Monday from the bottom step of the ladder. I was off work for 11 months and now work part-time which is likely to be the maximum I can do from here on.

The IVA was done through StepChange and they’ve been brilliant.

CoolBeans22

Retireby40 wrote: »

You do seen in a pickle however it seems that however you lived your lives before you never prepared for the future and the uncertainty it brings.

Was there a reason you never bought a house. 2 incomes and one you say was probably quite a decent salary?

Why are yous in the position to depend on your daughter having worked so long? I mean I know things have changed but why do you not have substantial savings or some back up?

In terms of moving forward you may need to accept to move to somewhere less desirable that costs less but you need to be self sufficient. See what benefits your husband is entitled to. If he cannot work due to health you should be due something a month.

I would also cut your daughter free and between you and your husband find a solution. It isn't fair that she has to put her life on hold. It isn't her fault this position has arisen and really poor planning before has led to this. Whether it be overspending or no thought for the future it's not fair she has to pay for those mistakes.

We have both been through quite a lot that has contributed to the position we now find ourselves in.

My husband and I are age 52 and 53 respectively. My husband got on the property ladder at age 18 whilst he was working his way up through a company that he stayed with for over 30 years. He also paid into the company pension throughout that time. When he met, married and had a family with his first wife, he sold his house and bought into a property with his in-laws. When the children were still young, his then wife wanted to leave him but not until she got half of everything, including his company pension. However, she didn’t want the children which was all my husband did want so he took out another mortgage to pay her as quickly as possible. She never paid a single penny of maintenance or contributed ANYTHING towards their upbringing. Yes, he probably should have fought this. My husband brought them up as a single parent whilst still maintaining a full-time career. His mother-in-law remained in the property.

My story - my father died very young and when I was very young. My Mum’s brother made an investment in our house which paid off the mortgage. I left home at 18, on a career path but not a highly paid one. There was a point at which we should have sold the family home but my Mother didn’t want to. I moved home and took out a mortgage to buy into the house, to do some renovations and to enable my mum to stay put. When we did sell, it was not ideal timing property wise but by this point, my mum had dementia and was in the house when we had had a burglary and she wanted to leave ASAP. I paid off the investment and the mortgage. I had also met my husband by this point. His ex mother-in-law still shared the property with him and it was up for sale but was not selling. Our lives were on hold and my husband was becoming ill. I bought his mother-in-law out so that my mum and I could move in with my husband and his kids and we could be a family. My husband had bought into the property initially, he then had to pay half to his ex wife and then his mother in law demanded half. We were advised not to do this but it was really taking a toll on my husband and I paid what she asked for to give us a fresh start.

When this house sold, we had to take a loss so decided to pay off the mortgage and rent to give us some time to decide our next move and save to top up our house fund.

My husband then became very ill, changed his job and our household income halved. We took advice, sorted out an IVA but then I was hit with a rare heart condition and that brings us to where we are now.

With regards to pets - before my heart condition, I worked at a vets and got cheaper pet insurance, they are all covered. Since my heart problem, I was unable to continue a job I loved and so now the insurance has gone up. We have reluctantly looked at rehoming our pets but we don’t go on holiday, we don’t have hobbies anymore we rarely have a night out, we don’t smoke, we rarely drink, we don’t have Sky, all we have is our beloved family pets who sometimes are our only reason for getting up in the morning or going out for a walk.

We are in the situation with our daughter as when we moved to our current house, she still wanted and needed to live with us. The IVA has occurred since and her situation has changed but we were not aware how difficult it would be to move and we are trying as best we can.

I do really thank you for your comments but not all of your assumptions are correct. Hindsight is a great thing and there are many ways I would like to start over again from scratch from career path to probably just about every financial decision I ever made. But this is where we are at the moment and I am asking for help.