“Debt is normal. Be weird.”

browneyed_girl

Thanks for the advice blue_eyed_girl  DH and I have now set up a joint account on Monzo to save for annual costs - currently have savings pots for car maintenance, car insurance, Christmas/gifts and holiday fund.  Will aim to put £50 into each every month, but might be a bit less than this for the next couple of months whilst we’re also paying off Very.  

DH has taken the kids over to MIL for lunch, leaving me to have some me-time (code for trying to fit in a quick cup of tea between mountains of laundry and clearing the kids’ bedrooms whilst they’re not around to complain about what I might be getting rid of... ).  Trying to step up the decluttering but it seems like the most mammoth task, even now the spending on random things has stopped.  Trying to find the energy to move forward, but between work, kids, money-saving and finding extra income, it keeps ending up being a task for ‘another day’.  Hmm....maybe another cup of tea and a biscuit will help with the energy levels?!  

savingholmes

Good to get savings pots sorted. As to energy levels - try the little and often method to avoid overwhelm. That and plan some fun things / activities in too so it doesn't all become a drudge.

browneyed_girl

What an interesting start to half-term week!  For once, I’ve managed to get the time off work and am hoping that time at home can be spent on all sorts of MSE activities.  Although it hasn’t exactly happened like that today...

Usual Monday morning - £120 cash taken out for weekly budget.  £20 spend on fuel and £55 on weekly shop.  Annoyingly, road closure meant Ald! wasn’t an option, so spend was at Mr T instead.  This meant that although we spent the same amount, we actually got less for our money.  Oh well, probably a good thing based on how my diet has been going!  I can’t eat it if we don’t have it!  

The worst part of the morning, however, was coming out of Mr T and finding a flat tyre.  Luckily, the local garage was only a minute down the road so managed to get a replacement without too much bother.  £42 spent on that.  Then it turns out that all the other tyres also need replacing (one has a slow puncture which we were aware of, but the tread on the others has worn down).  Booked in to have them sorted on Friday - £126 that hadn’t been budgeted for .  I think the universe must be having a joke at my expense, as this has happened only a few days after deciding we need a dedicated savings pot for car maintenance etc. and we haven’t even had a chance to add to it yet!  Hopefully there will be funds in there for the next time .

DH making homemade pizzas with the kids for dinner and some YS doughnuts were picked up for dessert.  Planning an outing with kids tomorrow to a few (relatively) local museums (free entry), so going to pack up lunch and snacks to take with us to avoid spending in over-priced cafes.  Hoping that tomorrow has fewer surprise costs!

savingholmes

Hope you have a better day tomorrow too. Well done for sticking to your grocery budget. Commiserations on the car costs. 

browneyed_girl

Having a really rubbish day .  I’ve had this feeling over the past few days of complete and utter despair - as though everything bad has happened, yet really nothing has happened.  At least nothing that is tangible to other people - which probably means I’m in the middle of a nervous breakdown!

A significant part of this has been to do with money and I’ll try to explain as best as I can, though it may just appear on the screen as a random stream of consciousness (in which case I apologise in advance)...

We had planned on Tuesday to take the kids out to some free museums, but had to cancel this last minute due to DD1 and DD3 being unwell.  So instead we had a duvet day and DH popped off to Mr T, spending £12.04 from weekly budget on “essentials” like popcorn, fizzy drinks and ice cream to accompany rather more Disney films than I care to admit to watching.  Thought I’d try to make the most of a day at home by blasting through every survey I could find (I use four different sites), the stress of paying out for four new tyres very fresh in my mind.  After hours of tedium, this resulted in a £5.09 payout from one site (added to emergency fund) and a total of around £12 pending on other sites - hardly feels worth the effort at times, but I felt as though I had to do something...anything...to stop me worrying about how our finances look this month.  As well as the cost of tyres, DH has mentioned that the brakes on his car seem to be sticking, so has booked it in to be sorted later this week.  More costs popping up just when I don’t need them . 

Cue an evening of pouring over these forums, trying to find the one magic tip that will suddenly save me a small fortune.  Did find info about ZipZero app for getting money back on receipts to pay bills.  Thought this was at least something, so installed and set about trying to add information for biller (opted for electricity supplier due to having a debit with them currently).  Have no idea how I managed it, but whilst looking over my account on the supplier’s website to find the necessary direct debit details, I inadvertently made a £50 top-up payment .  Instantly freaked out because without this £50, we have only £17 after budgets to cover any unforeseen costs until payday on the 27th.  Based on how my luck has been this week, I’m not exactly hopeful.  DH thought my accidental overpayment was hilarious, likely because it’s usually the sort of thing he would have done and yet this time he was blameless.  Needless to say, his amusement did little to help my mood .

Yesterday wasn’t much better.  It’s amazing just how much kids suddenly seem to eat just because it’s half-term and they’re at home, which necessitated another top-up shop and £12.50 spend (some of which was on coffee and toilet roll that we forgot to put on our original list).  This now gives us just over £20 left out of our budget for the week and I know that I’ll need to pick up extra bits for lunchboxes before Monday.  Spent the evening feeling miserable and before I knew it, an entire packet of chocolate digestives had “disappeared” .  So much for my diet!  Even worse, I’ve been having those sinful thoughts of ignoring the budget (it’s the sole cause of all my stress, right?!) and spending on credit cards or using the overdraft.  I know logically that I don’t need to, but there is something unnerving to me about only having £17 left at the end of the month.  I then think about the £8000+ credit available to me and wonder why I’m stressing so much when this is the easy solution!  Why not stop stressing about the budget and just buy what I want??  Obvious answer: because in a month’s time I’ll be feeling even worse when I have to face up to the consequences of any ridiculous impulsive spending.  At the moment, it feels as though my head and heart are having an internal battle and thankfully the logical head part is winning for now...but just barely.  

DH has taken DDs out to museums as planned today, whilst I stay home with DS who is now the unfortunate poorly one.  Made sure to make them lunchboxes to take with them to avoid costs.  Although, I did almost lose it when DH said he would just buy them chips for lunch instead because it would “only be about a quid”.  Not sure what planet he’s on where chips for four people cost £1, but I’d quite like to visit.  Then he tells me not to get so stressed about money, but it’s a lot easier for him to say that as I take on most of the responsibilities related to finances.  I’m the one working full-time, regularly pouring over spreadsheets and boring myself senseless with surveys, whilst he seems to be of the opinion that it will all sort itself out. 

Well, that was in some way therapeutic to at least get that all out of my head.  Having written it, I stand by my initial statement, where it seems as though “everything” has happened (i.e. my entire mindset is in upheaval and stress is leaving me feeling overwhelmed), but in the real world very little has actually happened.  It’s left me feeling a bit lonely if I’m honest.  But, big smiles and carry on.  I’m sure things can only get better...

GlendaSugarbean

Hugs! Feb half term is always miserable. Grey, cold and germy.

Well done for sticking to your guns re the budget. Is there anything your DH can take on to lighten the domestic load? 

beanielou

Does your OH not take on board financial stuff at all?

Honeysucklelou2

I do sympathise about the food and top up shops. I tend to find I can spend an extra £20 or £30 a week when the children are all home and it’s due to them grazing more!

Well done on the logical head  thinking the not spending battle through and winning.

organisemymind

I normally just lurk, but I have to say you are doing an amazing job. Your diary sounds so much like my life, although I only have three kids 😁. Keep going and it’s okay to take a rest. You will get there. Please be kind to yourself. At least you acknowledge the debt, a lot of folks are still in denial but you are doing something about it. It can be consuming.
you have given me the confidence to think that I too can tackle my debt. Good luck hunny. You deserve to be debt free xxx

browneyed_girl

Thank you so much everyone for the words of encouragement!  Organisemymind - in my current highly emotional state, your kind words about deserving to be debt free almost had me in tears!!

beanielou said:

Does your OH not take on board financial stuff at all?

I hope I haven’t seemed unkind to DH whilst typing my random thoughts, but he does really try hard.  He is back in the stay-at-home dad role and is absolutely marvellous with doing all the day to day stuff with the kids, as well as the majority of housework and grocery shopping.  We discuss our debt and money situation very openly and he is always keen to do everything asked of him - look for better deals on his phone contract, cut down on unnecessary journeys to save fuel, shop from reduced sections and stick to new budgets, just to name a few.  However, a planner he is not and so any new initiatives have to come from me and DH then does his best to implement them.  Anytime we’ve had disagreements about money, it usually stems from his desire to give the children a lovely childhood, which does sometimes mean spending money.  His dad abandoned him and his brother when he was young, so most of his childhood memories are of going without whilst his mum did the best she could.

He also has dyslexia and likely an element of dyscalculia, which means he really struggles with all the debt figures and spreadsheets.  I think he’d like to do more, but finds this aspect quickly becomes overwhelming and ends up blaming himself for being “stupid”.  This is also the reason why I’m the one sat doing surveys in the evenings, even though being at home gives him more time for this.  Often questions are phrased very similarly and he struggles to pick up on the differences, as well as finding the sheer number of questions on some pages intimidating.  

Thankfully, DH and I are on the same page 95% of the time, but I probably find the times we disagree to be more noteworthy because of their (relative) infrequency.  I think the last time before this was the Landrover incident (see previous diary entries), but deep down I know I wouldn’t manage any of this without him .  I bet I’ve made him sound like an absolute angel now!  That’s going to make it harder to rant about him in future posts...