please i desperately need advice....

dogwoof

its tricky ..

for months my boyfriend of 5yrs who i live with didnt have a full time job, and i did, therefore i paid all the rent £800 each month, all the shopping, gas, water, heating bills, etc etc. he agreed to give me most of his wages to repay me. and at first i kept a record of the amounts e gave me each month, but then i got waylaid and didnt have a record of the total amounts he owed me.

he got a new job in august and full time and gave me his wages to repay me each month. i have not spent one thing on myself for absolutely months and months. the money has went on shopping, bills rent, etc etc. emergencies.

now the trouble is i dont know how much exactly he owes me. or if the debt is clear. ideally i would just like us to each get our own full wage then he gives me half of the rent, half of the bills, (cos i do the paperwork) and then he can go and spend the rest of his money on whatever he likes. and me vice versa. he says he'll be paying me his wages til he's 40 but i dont want that.

what should i do? we had a small argument about it, i need to sort it. do i continue with him giving me his wages for november and december and then in the new year forget the debt. cos he has started another new job (with the wages being alot more) and call it a fresh start? just for the sake of it.

trouble is he told me that he went out and bought a gadget thing for over £100 today, he'd been saving bits of money up, i was partly upset as i thought he claimed all the money he was giving me was all that he had, that means he had other money and he could have given it towards bills, shopping, other stuff etc. should i be mad?

he said he's taking it back as he feels guilty, should he? i said if you want it keep it, he said oh if it was you buying stuff, i wouldnt mind, but its him that owes me money.

ive wanted to buy myself a new mobile and perfume for months but i havent been able to cos i had to use the money to pay for everything, part of me just thinks how selfish. even he could have bought me something that would have been nice after everything ive done for him. i dont ask for much. he's certainly not romantic. we didnt even get each other birthday presents cos money was tight.

ontop of the rent, bills and shopping, i had to pay for alot of his stuff, like getting his stuff out of storage £400 i paid or else they were going 2 take it to an auction. and i also paid £350 for him to see a private dentist because a normal dentist wouldnt take him (he had terrible pain with a nerve in his tooth) i had to pay it to see him out of misery. then i had to pay alot of money for his dog (he caught fleas) and i paid for a new bed, flea treatment, sprays, powder and frontline which cost alot. all of these were not my problems.

what do i do? should i be angry with him. just last weekend i hired a car for the weekend, used our money to buy a computer, paid for lunch, food, and other things in the day and i jokingly said don't spose youve got any money (when buying lunch and that) and he said no, so does that mean he was lying. all in all that day i spent about £70 + computer £560 yet it was for both of us, he could argue well i gave you all my wages but then i find out today he's gone out and spent £100 on something for himself?

please i dont know what to do? is he being selfish, how do i work out what/if he owes me still?

Gale_10

I really think your boyfriend is taking you for a mug, I am sorry to say that but you really are being naive here.

He is telling you he is giving you all his money which is not true, so he is lying to you about that. We know its not true, because he bought himself a gadget.

This is what I would do. I would work out how much you pay on average per month for everything. Food, gas, electricity..........every single little thing.
Then I would go over your credit card and bank statements, and work out the other incidentals you have spent, like on his dog, on treats for you both, and work it out as close as you can do.

Then I would calculate half of it, thats what he owes you.

I would show him it, showing him the working also, and also show what he has paid you.

Then I would confront him about his lying, and ask how much money he is keeping by.

I would insist on seeing his wage slips so you know exactly how much money he is getting, and make sure that you get half of what you spend currently..........and some off the debt that he owes you.

I would keep a strict account of what he pays, what percent is off the debt that he owes you, plus the half towards the bills.

Or, there is the easy way out. Dump him, because he has lied to you and ripped you off. Do you really want to spend your life with someone like that? I know you will lose out financially, but in the long term it could be money well spent!

Please value yourself..........put yourself first and don't let him be yet another man ripping a woman off.

Gale

Quincifer

You definitely need to have a thorough look over what you know he owes you and then try your best to work out what else there might be. You have been very gracious to go so long paying for everything yourself so you deserve a lot more respect from him, which it seems you aren't getting.

I do feel that you aren't sure where you stand with him in general though. You say you have lived together for 5 years yet the dog getting fleas was his problem and not yours? Surely if you live together that dog is now both of yours not just his? Anyway, I'm not saying you should pay half, it just seems that you aren't settled with him and maybe you should be considering where the relationship is going aswell as your money!

Good luck sorting it all out, sounds like you need a rest!

xxx

furndire

Did his parents sort his money out for him by any chance, before he swapped them for you??? It sounds as though you will always have to do this for him, and is it really what you want to do for the rest of your life???