Will witticisms

qwert_yuiop

I have to give a funny speech on Friday night and I need a bit of help.

The last time I did this, it was all brexit jokes, but I don’t want to do that again. A suitably bizarre topic I have in mind is this English bloke who cut off his own penis and left his fortune to Sinn Fein.

So far I’ve come up with (arf) financial cutbacks, short of funds, at least he had the cojones to do it and where there’s a Willy there’s a way. After gonad this for the last 5 minutes, I seem to be stumped (groan).
Anyone got any ideas? Suitable for mixed company, in both senses.

Artytarty

Hold on buddy! It's funny enough but going down the genital humour route rather than wills!
Splitting heirs?
If the guy had a fruity name such as John Lemon, he'd likely be bitter about it all,
I shouldn't take the pith really, but I don't want to be pipped at the post.

qwert_yuiop

It’s for an engagement party. The man involved has just inherited a farm. That’s as far as I can go in case he’s a money saver.

He could even be you.

Artytarty

Old Mac- insert name- got left a farm
Yippee doodah day!
I'm sure you could work on the lyrics of The farmers in his den, or as I always thought it was called - The farmer wants a wife and insert witty things about the bride and groom to be?
Oh the wife wants some shoes,,the wife wants more shoes, etc?