Is the total amount of the debt the most important factor?

getmore4less

It can be hard when too close to be impartial and objective.

Suggestions can be seen as confrontation(why are you spending on that)

I would suggest they come her and get more than just one person(you) looking at the situation

The steps are the same for everyone.

Work out where you money is going
make a plan for where you want it to go
analyse every spend for ways to cut back or eliminate.
Prioritize your spending.

history/experience has shown that the SOA format is one of the best ways to do this

There are some goals.
Get the books to balance so the debt is not going up.
(only if the next set is not possible)

Get the books to balance so the min payments don't get withdrawn again.
(this will start to see debt going down slowly)

Get the books to have a surplus, build up emergency/contingency and debt payments

Snowball.

Yet_More_Puddylove

The proportion of debt to income is a very important factor in the impact of your debts - but income is a tenuous thing, and can be dramatically reduced by sudden ill health, or unforeseen redundancy.

Your BIL is obviously either in denial that he is in financial difficulties, or perhaps just needs time to come round.

I value my privacy too, so can relate to your BIL's reaction (it wasn't his choice to tell you, but your sister's).

However, having been in a long term relationship with a financially incontinent ex, who only discussed money when he was demanding I pay for his bills (because he'd spent all his high salary buying nice things for himself), I now really value transparency about money in my current relationship.

enthusiasticsaver

Yes the amount of debt is important. Whilst someone on a large income may find it easier to service and overpay it than someone on a more modest wage as said above income can change and a high earner on £100k a year who is off sick or made redundant will find it as difficult to deal with £60k of debt as someone who is a more modest earner. This is why high earners often have debt difficulties because they assume they will always be high earners. Life does not always work out that way.

Your brother in law needs to get his head out of the sand and support his wife. By all means refer him to this site but I fear his attitude may not be constructive. Well done for making a start on sorting your situation out though. Perhaps your sister may find the site useful if she is stressed about their situation and your BIL may eventually get on board. They need to prioritise rent and utilities over the debt.

bigstevex

I think interest rate plays a very important part in it too, not just the amount of debt.