Bankruptcy, Mental Health, Addiction

HaplessDad

Firstly, let me apologise in case I have put this thread in the wrong place, or have not added to an already existing thread which may be relevant. At the moment, I am feeling a little bit lost. If I have put this in the wrong place and someone could redirect me I will gladly post this somewhere else. I also apologise if this post is considered to be too long. I have never done this before.

I'm not sure where to begin with this so will try to express myself as well as I can...

I am in my mid-40s, am separated from my wife and have 3 children who are aged between 14-19 years old.

When married, my wife and I racked up considerable debt between us and, when we separated and sold the family home, the proceeds were used almost exclusively to clear our debts, some of which remained even after the sale of the property. Obviously, the ones in my name I am now responsible for.

We separated in May 2018 and the house did not sell until January 2019, meaning that between those dates I not only had to pay maintenance (for which I fully accept responsibility) but I also had to contribute to the ongoing mortgage and repayments for the debts which my wife and I had incurred, as well as paying for rent on a room in a shared house and the associated living costs, this meant that I then had to take out further loans in order to meet these obligations. This has obviously meant that my levels of debt have crept up again, to the point at which I am now struggling to meet repayments and am considering bankruptcy as a possible option.

On an emotional level, the split with my wife has taken a considerable toll. I would like to point out that I was the instigator of the separation, not my wife, and the decision was not taken lightly. Since we separated I have had limited contact with my children and my relationship with them has suffered immeasurably, not least because they have not been comfortable coming to see me in the shared accommodation. When I have seen them, the tendency has been for me to have to take them on trips out in order to achieve the contact needed to maintain at least the semblance of a healthy relationship with them. Unfortunately this increased my spending, on fuel and doing the things they wanted to do. Please understand, there is little pressure exerted on my by the kids to take them away for expensive days out, we have only been doing the things any 'normal' family would do e.g. day trips to the zoo and that kind of thing, but the expense of doing this with three children, when coupled with the levels of debt I already have, has exacerbated my financial issues. I am aware I could have told them I simply can't afford to take them out, but the fear I have had of this further damaging my relationship with them has prevented me from doing this.

One final thing to add into the mix is that the stress from my experiences over the last year has led me to start drinking heavily and also taking increasing levels of recreational drugs. I have always had a propensity to drink and take drugs, but in the past this was always purely on a recreational level and was something that I had never considered to be a cause for any real concern. My wife and I used to drink more than was considered safe, but even then I used to also drink in secret occasionally. I would regularly use cannabis and on much rarer occasions take ecstasy and cocaine. The money I have been spending on alcohol (now almost on a daily basis) and drugs (still much less frequently), also serves to make my debt problems worse.

The drinking and drug taking, I believe, are a symptom of mental health problems I believe have existed since I was a child. I am certain that these are methods I have used to deal with these issues, but they have now become a problem in themselves.

I have been treated for anxiety and depression several times over the years but to no real avail.

On the plus side (believe it or not, there IS one!), I have now started to confront these problems. I have spoken to my GP and have been referred again for CBT with my local mental health team, who have advised that I also need to speak to the local drugs and alcohol team to help me stop the drinking and drug taking before the CBT can commence, as clearly this will also have an effect on my mood and behaviours associated with it. I am scheduled to speak to them on Monday 12th August.

Thank you for bearing with me so far.

My current situation is:

I have the opportunity to move into a flat, which is owned by a friend, but with my current debt this would not be possible. I need to do this in order to foster a better relationship with my children and while it will mean increased living costs, having them over for dinner and being a dad to them again, would give us the contact they and I need, but would cost significantly less than a day trip to the seaside.

The flat is almost completely unfurnished, however, and I would need to spend money on buying things like a washing machine, some furniture etc, and this is money I just do not currently have.
I have spoken to the CAB who have schedule a call with National Debt Line (due on the 19th – but I now have a week of annual leave from work so intend to call them myself on Monday 12th).

As I say, I am considering bankruptcy as I feel it is the only way I stand a chance of improving the situation – of course I am aware of the implications but this is something I feel I can deal with if it means I can reduce my levels of stress and improve my relationship with my kids. I have not taken drugs for over a week and have reduced my alcohol intake to below 14 units per week as advised by the Mental Health Team.

My debts currently total around £30,000. £11,000 which was a credit card bill my wife and I ran up together, and the rest is made up of a credit card bill, loans from family and the loans I have taken out since splitting with my wife. The last loan I took out was 3 months ago and was done so because I needed to pay some money to my father and I also intended to pay off other debts but ended up spending a lot of it on alcohol and expenses incurred when taking my children out, as well as day to day living.

My questions, I suppose, are does anyone thing bankruptcy is the best option? If so, would there be further implications because I have spent a lot of the money on alcohol and drugs, especially since one of them was taken out fairly recently? Would an IVA be more appropriate?

I am aware that I have made countless mistakes over the years, but the thing I am clinging onto now is that I have finally started to address the many problems I am trying to deal with. What I am looking for now is a way to start living a life that is as normal as it can be again.

Thanks for listening. If I have missed anything or if anyone needs to no more, please let me know.

sourcrates

Wow, quite a read that, but I think I get the gist of it.

I`ll just give you my basic thoughts based on what you`ve written, as i`m just dashing out, I would forget an IVA, they are mainly for homeowners who have a lot of debt and cannot go bankrupt as they have assets to protect, you are renting at present, so better options are available to you.

I would say bankrupcy is your best choice, again, just based on what you have said, its a very streamlined, easy process these days, all done online and by post, the forms are more of a box ticking excercise than a full blown essay, they don`t really want to know why you are going bankrupt, if you meet the criteria, your in.

Bankrupcy lasts 12 months, you may get an IPA dependant on your income, filling in a full statement of affairs will confirm or not, if this is the best option for you.

Lastly well done coming of the booze and drugs, hard I know, but you just have to think of your kids, they notice everything, so keep on the path yea.

tacpot12

Take the flat on and purchase items as you are able to.

Charities like the British Heart foundation sell second-hand furniture, and eBay is a great source of second-hand appliances, if you can find a way to collect them. Paying a friend some petrol money might be the way to get access to a car for the time it takes to collect an appliance. You really only need a fridge, and perhaps a washing machine if there is no laundrette nearby.

Getting a loan or using a credit card to buy new items is not a good solution for you right now. You could make an appointment for debt advice with Citizens Advice. Bankruptcy could be a good option for you.

If you are in receipt of UC and need to pay rent for the flat, arrange for the DWP to pay the housing element directly to your landlord. It's one less thing to think about.

KeepOnKnitting

I would also say rip the plaster off and go bankrupt, provided you are not a director of a company or in a job that would prevent you going bankrupt.

Freecycle and ebay are great for furniture and household goods. You aren't flush with money, so you can't be a big spender right now. Bankruptcy and the flat sounds like a great option for you to hit the reset button and start afresh.

As a post-divorce bankrupt myself, it left me feeling like I was 18 again and starting over. I went to uni and am about to embark on my new career now. Best thing I could have done.

HaplessDad

Thanks very much for your response. I have another quick question: up until this month I have managed to meet all my repayments (I have paid some to my creditors this month, just not the full whack), would you say it was 'okay' for me to not worry about paying them next month so I can start buying furniture etc? Since it looks like I am going to go bankrupt anyway, I don't really have the worry about what's going to happen to my credit rating anymore, so to me not paying them anything would be the sensible thing to do as it means I can get some things together before I move in.

Also, I know that in bankruptcy you are allowed reasonable living costs, but I'm not going to be able to tell the OR what my living costs are as I don't know what they will be yet e.g. bills etc. Also my food bills are likely to increase as I will be feeding the kids from time to time too. I'm not sure what to do about this. Any advice?

Thanks again

Oliver2809006

Yes stop paying all creditors if bankruptcy is the way you are going to go.

Going bankrupt costs £680 btw and can be done online and usually a decision within days.

The OR will ask your if you've any surplus and I'm sure ask you for for best estimate if your not sure.

Anything less than £20 you won't have to do an IPA as do anyone on benefits.

However even if your given an IPA and your circumstances change where your can't afford it tell them straight away and it can be adjusted or even stopped.

terrence45

As long as you don't splurge £3k on a John Lewis sofa using a credit card then go bankrupt the next day that should be fine! Maybe don't pay just enough of your debts to get you some modest furniture. Remember, at the moment you are not bankrupt and you can do what you like with your money, legally. I'd suggest stopping using credit cards now though unless for emergencies. No harm in withdrawing some cash either.

On the bankruptcy form you need to outline your income and expenditure as it is at that moment. If something changes significantly during your year of bankruptcy, you can contact the OR to submit a new calculation. I'd put in an amount for the kids (pro rata for the time you have them each month).


Edit: I'd also not sign any IPA you are offered for less than £100. The OR won't bother taking court action for that sort of amount. The £20 is the official guideline but it would be a shame to get locked in to something for that kind of small amount.

sourcrates

HaplessDad wrote: »

Thanks very much for your response. I have another quick question: up until this month I have managed to meet all my repayments (I have paid some to my creditors this month, just not the full whack), would you say it was 'okay' for me to not worry about paying them next month so I can start buying furniture etc?

You misunderstand how quickly creditors move in the world of debt collection, you can stop paying today, and in six months time the debt will likley still be with the creditors internal collections dept.

If bankrupcy is going to be your choice, then forget about what your creditors will think, say or do, its time to look after number one, and you cannot live comfortably without household goods, its all about pre-planning for these things, if you have debt with your bank, you will also need a new basic bank account, with a lender with whom you have no debts.

And, once bankrupt, your accounts may be frozen temporarily, so make sure you have enough cash withdrawn to live on.