Overcoming anxiety to become debt free

jupitercrash

Hi all

So here's where my story begins...

My starting debt is more than £15k, which is pretty horrifying. I knew it was snowballing out of control, but seeing the figures in black & white really is quite nauseating.

It started with one credit card intended to pay for a holiday. M&S gave me £3k, and when that was maxxed out, I went to MBNA and got another £3k on 0% balance transfer. My biggest mistake was not cutting up the M&S card when it was paid off, because a year later it was maxxed out again. I took a loan to pay them both off, & yep - you've guessed it - carried on spending on both cards :doh:. A 'few bits' here & there. Nothing huge.

Before I know it, both cards are maxxed again, plus my loan. Plus my overdraft. I get desperate, and take a third credit card, except this time they'll only give me £500. It's not enough, I apply for payday loans, both only offer me £300.

Add it all up, and here I am nearly six years after it all started with more than £15k hanging over me. I'm struggling to meet minimum payments, & as a result I'm starting to miss other payments - utility bills, council tax etc.

I'm nearly 30, & husband & I are desperate to have children. Except I'm terrified at the idea of going on maternity pay with all this hanging over me - husband has no idea about debts, but he does know that we absolutely cannot afford for me to get pregnant just yet.

Yesterday I sat down and compiled a spreadsheet of everything I owe to creditors and what bills I need to pay each month. With the help of this lovely forum, I've put all my creditor accounts on hold for 6 months and when I've had some time to breathe I'll be going on a DMP. According to StepChange, I can get debt free in just over 2 years and I cannot tell you how good it feels to finally see an end to this misery. For so long I thought I'd be stuck in this nightmare, I couldn't see a way out & I can't tell you the dark places I've been to in my mind worrying about it.

I'm still scared, but relieved to be taking back control. I'm looking forward to sharing this journey with you all, & I hope we can all support each other

twiggy86

Didn't want to read and run! Sounds like you've made some huge steps to getting this sorted out. I also started with one card, then a BT but put further spending on the original card! But I'm hoping being (back) on here will keep me on the straight and narrow! (Yes I have been here before, but that just means I know I can do it!)

UncannyScot

Hello and welcome :hello:

You are definitely on the right road to getting out of debt, so keep on with your plans and maintain a positive attitude.

If you need any info or advice on anything just post up on here and someone will pop in to help... you'll find we're really nice like that here

So, join in, visit folks diaries, comment and say hi etc
Become one of the community here and see how you grow...

Enoughisenough

Hi 😊

Well done on making a start. Seeing it all in black and white is scary but necessary. I’ve spent a very long time with my head in the sand doing the same as you’ve done, taking out new credit to pay old and spending more and more. It’s too easily done but we’re here now so onwards and upwards!

Going to subscribe so I can follow your journey and cheer you on 😊

doingitanyway

Well done and good luck with your debt journey.

beanielou

Happy shiny new diary.
So glad that you can see a way forward now

savingholmes

Well done on making a start. Good luck with your journey.

jupitercrash

Thank you so much everyone for your support.

So after I started this diary, I cancelled all my DDs to creditors and posted off letters asking for 6 months breathing space. The idea of 6 months' of no crippling payments seems scary but also a huge relief. I'm hoping I can save at least £300 a month, which should leave me with enough savings for an emergency, although I'm already worried about spending it on mindless !!!! ....

That sounds silly, like I don't have any self control - but the more I start to really examine my spending habits, the more I start to think I might have a problem. I've always loved shopping since I was old enough to earn my own money. I used to love blowing all my wages from my Saturday job on clothes & shoes, & I suppose that habit never really died - except when you've got bills to pay & other responsibilities it becomes a problem.

Just for some background info, I have a diagnosis of depression and generalised anxiety disorder, and finances play a huge part in both illnesses. My mood can swing wildly from one extreme to the other - when I'm feeling good, I get a real high out of 'treating myself' to nice things (high end skincare is a particular favourite) with no real regard for the repercussions - I'd say the majority of my credit card debt is the result of these trips and my 'whack on the credit card & think about it later' mentality.

This need to shop has followed my for most of my adult life. Even when my credit cards are maxxed and I no longer have the means for extravagant shopping sprees, I still love the buzz of buying something. Even cleaning products or food shopping, if I know I've got money in my pocket, all I can think about is what to spend it on. Even now, there's £2 in my purse and I already know that as soon as I get into town later (I have to pass through on my way home from work) I'll be in & out of shops looking for something to buy.

Then, once the buzz is gone - anxiety kicks in. As I first started to rack up debts, I developed a massive fear of anything finance-related. At my worst, I had drawers stuffed with years' worth of bank statements because I was too afraid to open them. Just the sight of a brown envelope on the doormat would make me feel sick & dizzy. I stopped answering the phone to unknown numbers, stopped using ATMs to check my balance and avoided going into banks.

Whilst I'm no longer in that place, I still spend a lot of sleepless nights in a sheer panic over money (mainly because now I actually need to worry!) and even logging into my accounts & writing down what I owe is a massive step for me. The idea of communicating with creditors, receiving letters & actually taking control of my situation is terrifying, but I just keep thinking to 3 years from now, being debt free and (hopefully) starting a family.

UncannyScot

Please check out The Blurt Foundation online and also The Holistic Psychologist (Dr Nicole LePera), both of whom have become major support pillars in my own struggles.

You are NOT alone with this, if you need any info, advice etc just post up or once you feel you've gotten to know us a bit better, PM us. We are here to provide mutual support and help after all

jupitercrash

UncannyScot wrote: »

Please check out The Blurt Foundation online and also The Holistic Psychologist (Dr Nicole LePera), both of whom have become major support pillars in my own struggles.

You are NOT alone with this, if you need any info, advice etc just post up or once you feel you've gotten to know us a bit better, PM us. We are here to provide mutual support and help after all

Thank you, I already feel less alone just reading these diaries. I'm currently on medication under the care of my GP, & I'm currently pushing for some kind of therapy or another assessment to look at the instability of my moods & how that's affecting my day to day life.