Struggling to decide about job offer - help!

Miss_Moneysaver

Hi,

I posted earlier in the week about working south when I live north. Anyway, I have to let them know by the end of today as I'm going away tomorrow for 2 weeks.

I am TORN!

I have a strong background in the field I want to work in (the new job) and I applied, for the same role (where I am) 2 years ago and the new manager decided to (behind my back) change the job title and description after I'd applied and been offered an interview. Bear in mind I'd done a lot for the role already and studied numerous level 7 qualifications specifically for that role (using my own money/time). Trouble is, where I work, jobs tend to go to 'friends of managers' who haven't got the relevant experience/qualifications (hence why they fiddled the job description and requirements). I pulled out as I was tipped off by someone in the management team and, lo and behold, the job went (internally) to someone who is a close friend of management. I was gutted. To sit back and watch what goes on now is heartbreaking and they are sidelining me a lot and I feel like they are trying to deskill me by not providing me with the training my colleagues are receiving.
I am working crazy, mixed shifts and long nightshifts which are really killing me! I'm 47 now. I am bored, frustrated and getting angrier by the day but I do love the place where I work...less than 1/2 hr away, lots of friends (who I see outside of work) BUT it's very clear I'm stuck where I am career-wise and I'm at the top of my band so no further pay rises.
There are no jobs in my field in the north (the area I want to move into - related to my job but higher up). I applied for a few over the last couple of years (all down south) and always got called for interview but pulled out after realizing it wouldn't work (mum of a teen and 11 year old). I did go for one interview and was offered the post but declined. Three managers got in touch and said I had a great application and tried to persuade me to reapply. I did for this one and, sure enough, I was offered the post! They have given me time to think about it as it isn't in the north and I am very aware of the expense involved in moving south!

The job is perfect. Exactly what I want. I promotion. A supportive management team who will allow me to develop and flourish. They have said I can travel down each week and work over 4 days, having 3 days off each weekend (I rarely get more than one day in a row where I am now). They are also allowing me to do the paperwork side of the job on the train, in their time. The journey involves going to London (I get free train travel to London and only £6 for my onward journey) and they another 1.5 hrs to my destination. They have flats onsite that I could rent (£500/month) or I could AirbNb/Travelodge for a bit less but I'd need a kitchen.

Although I am very unhappy where I am, and I'd love to accept this new position, I am very worried about the fact I'll lose £600 a month just to work there and be away from my kids 4 days a week. I could do it a year and try to move in to another area, if needs be but I'm stuck in a rut!
Kids are in an outstanding school up here and they youngest is just starting in September and she is a shy girl so I'm worried moving her will be bad for her as she has her little group of friends. Eldest sits GCSE's in 2020. Hubby is older than my by 10 years and won't leave his job up here (tbh, marriage not perfect).

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place. I really am frustrated where I am and I am struggling working nights (I honestly think Ill have to give up anyway soon). New job is stabilised office hours and no nights.

I'd get a £8k relocation package and outer London weighting.

Any ideas? Words of encouraging advice?

Miss_Moneysaver

If I stay here I'm worried about what my future will be like...frustrated, exhausted etc.

BTW - we have inherited money and a house (in trust) and I've been paying £1700 a month off of our mortgage (due to finish March 2020). I have considered buying a holiday home down south (or something) so I don't lose rent money). Decisions!

Miss_Moneysaver

Oh, it's a promotion too so I'd get more money plus would move up the payscale again each year. Money isn't my reason for doing this though!

nicechap

Why not add a poll?

Potbellypig

Pretty clear cut for me. No amount of money/your career is worth not seeing your children for 4 days a week. You'll never get that time back.

Good luck with what you choose.

MovingForwards

Are you running away from your marriage issues? hoping being away will fix them? Or hoping being away will be the thing that breaks the marriage so you don't have to?

We can't make a decision about accepting or rejecting the role. Only you can do that.

What are the pro's and cons of each role?
What will the new job being in your career that your old one won't?
What will the new job do for your own personal life?
What does your husband think about you moving away?
What do the kids think?
Would you be happy being a part-time parent and having most of the day to day responsibility falling on your husband's shoulders?
In two or five years time, where do you see yourself?

TELLIT01

Nobody can advise you on whether or not to take the job. It's a decision only you and your family can make, and you do need to include the family in the decision making process.

Morata_

The fact your having doubts and posting on a public forum suggests you know your answer but your looking for confirmation.

Go with what you are thinking.

Personally, if something is making me unhappy, I’d look for something new. You’ve found the “something new” and it’s “supportive” etc etc

2021, move the family? Don’t let money decide what makes you really happy. I have friends on 4 x my salary yet are miserable as hell! What’s money worth if you have the life??

But deep down, either way, you’ve already decided! This forum can’t be your safety net, we all live very different lives.

gl.

Brynsam

Nobody here can validate what you do. Your life, your choice. As others have said, it looks as if you have decided and somehow see 'votes' from complete strangers as a way to prove to yourself it's the right decision.

How important is seeing your kids grow up?

I feel very sorry for your husband - would you want to see the news that your marriage is in poor shape posted on a public forum, with plenty of information which could identify you? What are you thinking?

ACG

Family or promotion... No brainer for me.
There is not a job in the world where I would spend 4 days a week every week from my little girl.

Slightly different to your situation as my little girl is 2, but even in 10 years I cant see me choosing a job that sees me away from her over half the week. Family comes first 100% every time.

When I die, my family will remember me, my job wont. My job would also not think twice about sacking me/making me redundant etc if they needed to. I would like to think my Mrs and little girl would think twice about replacing me.