Does anybody else out there suffer with financial anxiety?

walletmoths

This is something I’ve only just recently discovered about myself, but it’s actually been several years in the making… Financial anxiety.

I’m sure it just can’t be me, but I’ve found it very difficult to find anyone who really understands what being “skint” is like when you’re put under pressure to spend.

If you have any form of anxiety, you’ll know the symptoms when it happens: a dire need to run-away, pounding heart, sweaty palms, light-headedness etc…

Some examples I often see:

I have a close family member who’s a compulsive shopper. Each time I see her, she nags me into going shopping. I often refuse and end up feeling guilty about it, because there are things I need to buy, but no cash to do it. So why would I want to torture myself by looking at stuff I simply can’t buy?

The trip itself will set off the anxiety.

The ‘asking’ to go shopping will set off the anxiety.

Family members love to get-together every so often, and these times are great, but at other times they’ll have barbeques, where they’ll ask everyone to bring food and drink – that I simply can’t afford to buy if I’ve only just spent my weekly food budget.

The asking of me to spend money on food and drink, and the travel costs to get there sets off the anxiety.

I work in a large company, where all of the close colleagues I work with have dual family incomes. They go on holidays, have umpteen Christmas presents delivered to work, and the general chit-chat is of the places they’ve been and the things they’ve bought.

Continuous talk of holidays sets off the anxiety.

Annoyance that conversations that don’t revolve around spending money are ceasing to exist – sets off the anxiety. (Does nobody even watch TV anymore?)

Constant deliveries of presents and toys – and the ritual “opening of parcels in front of everyone” sets off the anxiety.

When a company “do” is imminent, and you’re “encouraged” to attend – my first thoughts are of: How will I afford the extra petrol or a taxi to get there? How could I afford a drink that isn’t tap water? What will I wear?

Seeing folks dressed in their finery, eating food I can’t afford, drinking drinks I can’t buy, and of course the endless chitter-chatter of the places they’ve been and the stuff they’ve bought – yep, you’ve guessed it – it sets off the anxiety.

So, what do I do about it? Avoidance is usually my first port of call but sometimes, it’s a ‘grin and bear it and try to change the subject’ job.

I’m not shopping for answers here, as you lovely folks on this forum have been so supportive and the past, and there’s always hope that my finances will improve, and that I’ll find more and more ways to save the pennies here and there. My quest here is just to say, “Hands up who gets this too?”.

Takmon

Feeling like your under pressure to spend money is an awful feeling and only leads to more unhappiness because you will spend every penny you get and never have any money in a continuous cycle.

My advice to you would be to save up a small amount of money that you intend to never spend. Even just saving £5 a week will mean you will have £260 after a year. I don't know what you do already but there are lots of ways to make an extra £5 a week.

Once you have this money saved up; when you feel pressured to spend you can refuse to spend it knowing that you could afford it.
It's also a good test to see if you can control yourself and not spend the money and a good accomplishment once you achieve your goal.


I also think you should fill out a proper SOA with all your income and outgoings to see if people can help. You seem to have been working on your finances for a few years now by looking at your posts on here so you should really have some savings by now.

walletmoths

Thanks for your lovely advice - really appreciate it.

I do have some savings set aside. They're for stuff like school uniforms, school dinners, kids shoes, car maintenance, etc.

It's all very tight and there's no room for "just in case" savings and I often get tripped up by things going wrong that were out of my control - but you're right, maybe it's time now for me to make such a nest-egg.

And yes, wouldn't it feel great to refuse stuff and know that "I can do it if I want to"

What a great goal to aim for!

[Deleted User]

Yes I used to hate having no money and used to panic when I didn't have any and pay day was still a week or more away. Even if I didn't need any money as all my priority bills were paid and I had a fridge full of food, it just felt wrong to only have £2 to my name. Sometimes I would manage to scrape some money together from selling a few things, say £50 or £100 and then I would feel a sigh of relief even if I never spent that money before pay day. Which just proves I didn't need the money, just didn't want to be without it in case of emergency.

It no longer happens now since I changed job and doubled my income. The previous lower income was part of the problem.



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Mrsn

Not so much myself luckily but my sister very much so! She cannot cope with unexpected things arising which isn’t helped by her being a single parent to 2 teenagers. She’s a self employed childminder and does very well out of her business but has a lot of responsibility that goes with that.

I will quiet often get phone calls with her being in the angst of an anxious moment and it’s not nice to watch let alone how it must be in that moment (don’t get me wrong I have generalised anxiety so do understand it) we help as much as we can by sorting out better deals etc for her but your right it affects everything

Unicorn_cottage

My debt anxiety meant going to bed every night and doing mental arithmetic about how our debts would be paid. Over the years our debt has become lower and the time needed to get to sleep is qucker!

enthusiasticsaver

Not now but yes in the past. We were so skint that even buying a newspaper would have upset my budgeting as money was so tight. Buying shoes for my children would cause me to have palpitations as if they both needed them in the same month we would not have been able to eat. As it was one of them had to wait until the next payday or child benefit payment and live in sandals, plimsolls or shoes which were tight. I felt awful but we had no option. Every payday I would allocate all our money (at the time only my DH worked as our two children were close together in age and childcare costs made me working impractical) and there was not a penny left. In the end it only resolved once I returned to work and there was more income even though two thirds went on childcare costs. Eventually the extra £100 spare became £500 spare when they started school then £800 spare when I could increase my hours so it all got easier. If you are a single parent I am guessing that this is why money is tight.

My advice would definitely try and put something away each week even if just £5. Having a buffer definitely helped me in the end and from that day on I really only felt financially secure once we had some savings and this is one reason I bang on about emergency savings accounts. Not only to stop people turning to credit cards (thankfully I was too scared to rely on credit so we did not go down that route) but also to make them feel more secure and less anxious. Develop stock phrases to get out of things you wish to avoid like shopping trips and meals out etc and don't be afraid to say you cannot afford it. You don't know if those shopping trips your friend does or the parcels arriving for your colleagues are bought with credit or money they don't have. Stay resolute and don't be swayed. In the end you will thank yourself and this will get easier.

username901

I've had experience at both ends of the spectrum. Living on £700 a month with £20k post uni debt and inside a £3k overdraft for near 10 years, guilty about buying petrol to get to work as it technically wasn't my money I was spending, and now in fortunate position where money is the one worry I don't have. Makes me appreciate it all the more.

[Deleted User]

I'd think a great many people visiting this sub forum has or had suffered from financial anxiety.
It's something that most adults will experience in their lives.
Developing strong willpower is really the only way forward, I speak from experience, don't spend more than you earn.

dan958

I used to have a small addiciton to buying things, but luckily I managed to kick that habbit when I still lived with my parents. Now I can easily go out to the shops without buying anything.

I don't really care about holidays that much, it is definitely something I'll want to do more when I start a family - so I don't feel like I am missing out much when people talk about holidays. My priorities are just different from them at the moment. While people were having holidays, I was just focusing on saving up for my house deposit (that I have now moved into 5 months ago).

I don't really compare other peoples lives to my own though, so I don't focus on people that have 3 holidays a year and eat out every day.

parsniphead

I do worry all the time about paying off the debts but I don't give a hoot about being pressured into thing, I just say no and that I have better things to do with my money. I've not attended any work events and to be honest people are ok with that. If anything it's become a standing joke.

I know that I may be unusual about the work thing but I can't see the point in spending money I don't want/need to just to make others happy. I don't need to add to my sleepless nights.

Anyway I bet all the people you spoke of are up to their necks in debt. In the future you will be debt free and be able to do more and imagine how good that will feel.

I hope you can find a way to deal with your anxiety. To be honest I think you're fab dealing with your debts and not just keep following the norm in society. :T