Can’t stop spending!!

ThriftyismyGoal

Hello:T

I’m struggling to keep up with my monthly bills and it’s got me feeling so stressed out and overwhelmed I live with my partner and our baby and we should have just enough to get by on, but i just can’t seem to stop myself spending money that we don’t have! We both suffer from poor mental health and are in around fifteen thousand pounds worth of debt. I’ve been reading threads from the old style boards for the past year and know how to cut down my shopping bill etc, but don’t know where to even begin to try to stop the emotional spending. Hopefully starting a diary will help hold me accountable, and hopefully I can pick up some tips from those of you who’ve been in my position!
I’m going to track my spending for a little while before I post an SOA as the main issue is the unplanned splurging. If anyone else has felt similar please link your diaries, I’m just about to start reading some for motivation! Thank you for reading, and thank you for any tips or encouragement it’s all so appreciated

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Sayschezza

Good luck. It won't be easy but you can do it if you really want too.

ThriftyismyGoal

Thank you, sayschezza I appreciate it a lot!

I’ve been having a think about how to get out of the habit and when it tends to happen. I think my main issue is that my partner isn’t on board at all with money saving. He has an ‘I work all week for this money so I should be able to spend it on whatever i please’ kind of attitude. He’s got a major junk food/takeaway/fizzy pop addiction, gets embarrassed when I bring home yellow sticker products and asks me to throw them away because it’s ‘scruffy’, and he only feels happy when he’s buying himself something new. Of course I try to say no but it often doesn’t feel worth the hassle and the resulting sulking.

I understand these are symptoms of depression and he’s just started treatment so hopefully things will improve on that front, but I was really hoping to get things moving in the meantime. I have debated buying shopping on payday, buying travel passes, paying all bills and then just putting the rest straight towards debt before he can get his hands on it but I’d be terrified of having no money safe for emergencies. I know I could always stash some away without him knowing but the lying would eat away at me, plus I’d feel really sorry for him as he gets so miserable when there’s no money to spend.

This post doesn’t feel very :money: but it’s been a huge eye opener for me writing it all down! Gosh these diaries really do work don’t they:rotfl:

I think my goal for this week will be to read other people’s diaries and empty the bank accounts to see how we really cope with no money to spend. Will update in a few days

Sayschezza

I think the first thing you need to do is write down all incomings and outgoings and show your OH. He needs to learn that if this shows you are living outside your income it will indeed cause you stress which is definitely not good for MH. It's all very well him acting like a child when he can't get his own way but as a dad to his child and a life partner to you he needs to grow up a bit. You can compromise by not using the YS stuff if he stops the junk food.

Karonher

Firstly, good luck.

I agree with Sayschezza. Its good that OH is getting help but he also needs to take responsibility. If he does not agree to cut down on spending why not have "pocket money" each week. A few pounds - or however much you think you can justify - each. Once his is gone its gone.

With regards to the yellow sticky labels being scruffy remind him it is preventing food waste.

I have friends with his attitude and they spend so much time worrying about money then spending more than they can afford.

beanielou

Happy shiny new diary

foreverdieting

Well done for recognising you have a problem, that is a big step.

Have you thought about going to a debt advice charity, as they can help you with payment plans and managing your money?

There is a free on-line course and app on https://www.themoneycourse.org

Good luck

Blue_Cat

Hi ThriftyismyGoal,


Reading your post resonated with me so much, as I too suffer from poor mental health, and I appear to have a shopping/spending addiction. I have been diagnosed with severe depression, mild anxiety and PTSD.


I used to be in around £25,000 debt, which through hard work and effort, I managed to pay off completely with the help of an IVA. However since the end of 2012, a series of unfortunate events/traumas caused my mental health to deteriorate again. Without realising it, I have gradually slipped back into my "old ways" of using shopping and buying things as a means of "quick fixes" in order to feel better. I am now approximately £8000 in debt, my credit cards are maxed, and I've already had one consolidation loan. My outgoings are more than what I have got coming in, and I cannot believe I have let myself get into this desperate situation - again. I wonder how many people with debt that they've managed to get out of, end up spiralling back down this dark pit of despair?


As the financial noose started getting tighter around my neck, and my mental health was deteriorating, I decided to stop burying my head in the sand, and try and tackle the route cause of my over spending (and over eating) - depression. A couple of weeks ago I started seeing a clinical psychotherapist, and I am hoping that treatment will help me overcome my reliance on shopping and comfort eating in order to "make myself feel better". I too used to justify my spending in the same way that your partner does, by saying that "I deserved nice things for working hard all week," or "It's only small things that I'm buying, and it's making me feel better."


This evening my partner is going to sit down with me to go through all of my outgoings, and I am going to see what I can cut down on/cut out. I feel so embarrassed for getting into a bad financial situation again. I guess facing up to things, as well as communication and commitment is required here in over to get through it again. I am lucky in that my partner is in a really good place mentally, and they are willing to emotionally support me through my depression and my spending issues.


I wish you all the best x