Nervous, unsure, nauseous ....

Suseka97

I just wanted to add to the thoughts of others about speaking to your partner about the situation.

I speak from experience - but from the perspective of being that 'partner' who was blissfully unaware that my husband was in such dire financial straits. Back then we had separate bank accounts, but shared many of the household costs. So I had no idea of the amount of borrowing he committed to and when his income was cut by around a third of his take-home pay, his world came crashing down. He struggled on trying to meet his financial commitments by borrowing more taking on more credit until he fully maxed out all his cards and was unable to borrow anymore. It was at that point he came clean. It was a shock - yes - and for a while I was quite angry, but moreso hurt that he hadn't felt he could share the burden and tell me the truth.

Once I got over that part, and admittedly it took a couple of weeks, we then sat down together and decided on how best to handle the situation. Due to the level of debt I agreed to a joint DMP, as I too had debt (much less and manageable, or so I felt at the time). But by doing a joint DMP the term would be much shorter.

Now I'm not saying you should go 'joint' - but I really do think that as hard as that conversation might be, its better to get things out in the open and share the burden, if only for your mental health. I don't know how long your DMP is set to run for, but whatever it is there will be times you'll need support. Of course we can help on this forum, but you do need people around you who understand the situation too.

HonmaDP

How is the 44k comprised?

TheDebtFretter

Thank you all so much for your advice and support.
I have had to tell hubby (although haven’t braved the full extent as yet) as I have changed my bank account and he wanted to know why. He was more angry at the bank and credit card company’s to be honest and the super high interest that has been added, just increasing the debt month by month. He now knows I am in financial difficulty ......putting it mildly......but I have yet to tell him the full amount, I have told him about the DMP.

HonmaDP - The debts are one loan, one overdraft, three credit cards and one store card:(

Suseka97

That would not have been an easy conversation - but it's good that you have let him know about the DMP and it's up to you as to how much more information you choose to share. At least he will understand if letters drop on the doormat and if you have any wobbles along the way - hopefully he'll be there to support you.

DigitalDevil

Make sure that you check all options before fully committing to a DMP, I entered one around 6 years ago (fully paid off in 4 years) and it was the wrong solution to my problems and something like going bankrupt would have been the far smarter choice (a friend went bankrupt around the same time I entered my DMP, they didn’t have to pay back their debts (your moral compass might go against this) and strangely started being able to apply for credit (car/mortgage) last year, I’ve only just been able to get car finance over the last few weeks).

Good luck with everything, and speak to your SO as this isn’t something you should have to hide away and the stress and pressure of doing so will contribute to how you are feeling.

enthusiasticsaver

I think you should do an soa (statement of affairs) before committing to a DMP. Going bankrupt is not a good idea for you if you have a house.


The link to the SOA (format for MSE) is below.
http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php