Scared and don’t know where to start.

Nmjames

Ok so sadly and stupidly I’ve been here before so actually I do know I need to start with an SOA but currently I can’t calm myself down enough to start looking at the total mess. Also it’s not likely to be accurate because I haven’t been keeping accurate track of why on earth I’ve been doing.

I have loads of high interest debt so each month all the payments are automatically coming out and so even though I earn ok it’s all gone. I don’t think I can do anything in terms of debt management because I’m meeting all the payments even though it’s by digging myself deeper and deeper in.

One of my big problems is I honestly can’t tell anyone about this, I promise it isn’t an option, I’m happy to work another job but I don’t know how to do this without getting references and there is absolutely no way my employer can know about this.

I’m not even sure how to calm down from the fear and deep deep shame to start rationally considering my options I honestly feel like I don’t have any.

EssexHebridean

Where to start? Take a deep breath...

Now - you DO know where to start, you've already said as much. Gather your paperwork & figures together, get that SOA done, post it in here and let's make a start on getting things sorted out.

Are your fears about telling anyone about it that your employment is at risk if you are found to be in financial difficulties? Or purely down to embarassment? The first is an issue - and relevant - the second really isn't.

There are always options - but until you put that SOA together, you simply don't know what they are. I can honestly say though in 10 years on here I have never yet seen a situation which was not fixable.

Willing2Learn

Nmjames wrote: »

… I do know I need to start with an SOA but currently I can’t calm myself down enough to start looking at the total mess. Also it’s not likely to be accurate because I haven’t been keeping accurate track of why on earth I’ve been doing...

… I’m not even sure how to calm down from the fear and deep deep shame to start rationally considering my options I honestly feel like I don’t have any.

To get your SOA accurate it may help to go through your bank and credit card statements to see where you are spending money. That still may not solve the accuracy problem, so I suggest you start keeping track of every penny by starting a spending diary. Then that way you will definitely get an accurate SOA.

There is no shame in having debt. Most of us posting advice have been down that road. So try not to be too fearful, as there are so many options that are always available, but just cannot be seen due to the emotional rollercoaster of debt

Louoffofsparkle

You sound like how I was, using credit to pay debt. If this is the case you aren’t meeting your minimum payments.
Please let someone know, whether it’s someone close to you or phone stepchange or CAP.

Is it in your contract at work not to have a second job? If not it’s none of their business why you need extra income.

I promise opening up about it won’t be as bad as you think it will

Nmjames

Hi all, thank you for your kind and helpful comments so far.

In terms of an SOA I've made a start but I've been a typical burying my head in the sand person and can't find all of my paperwork and for some of my debts I don't know how to find out the APR as it isn't totally clear from what I'm looking at, is there a way of finding this out that I'm just overlooking?

I also have car finance that I don't even understand (I feel so stupid admitting this) it's the type where you pay for four years a set amount and then you can either settle the amount or upgrade? I don't know what this is called but it will come to the end in March and I genuinely don't know what I'll do.

One of my loans has my dad as a guarantor and it isn't so long since that my brother died so I really really cannot lay any stress on him or let him know what a mess I've made, I'm basically the only stable thing that isn't a problem right now.

In terms of work, I am allowed to do another job but I am not allowed to work anywhere we have students placed (I work at a university) I'm a registered nurse and still able to practice so I'm looking for places we don't have students - my manager would be fine with this, it's legitimate in terms of keeping up clinical skills etc. My difficulty is places we don't have students are hard to find and the process is long so I wanted to pick up some shifts in a bar or a McDonalds or something cos there isn't a lengthy DBS process etc and the shifts tend to be flexible enough but my manager is nasty enough without me having to explain I want to work in a bar in my spare time.

In addition I also have a parking fine to pay now, I thought I had followed all the advice on here properly about contesting it but it looks like I hadn't and now I owe £100!

Moneywhizz

As EH says there are always options and ways of dealing with debt. You obviously want to find a way out of this without your dad knowing about the problem. Once you have posted your SOA and the situation becomes clearer there may be some way to work round that. It sounds as if you are very anxious and panicking about your situation which is only making things worse. If you have been around here before you will know that there is lots of help and support and always a way of getting on top of things. The parking fine is another issue, and depending on who has issued it to you it might not be something you need to deal with urgently. In terms of your car, it sounds as if you will have to make a payment at the end of the four year contract but March is almost 11 months away so your situation may have changed by then. Try to take one step at a time and get started with that SOA.

EssexHebridean

Moneywhizz nails it - step back, take that deep breath, get the SOA sorted. Panicking is making you feel worse about things - and I know that it's not easy to stop but you absolutely need to try.

The parking ticket we'll worry about when the SOA is done - how long do you have to pay it before the amount increases? Also might be worth going back to the parking board on here and seeing if they can help on that.

Again - don't worry about the car for the moment either - this is very much a "one step at a time" process and the first is the SOA.

You'll find interest rates on paper statements if you can find them, if not on online accounts if you have logins for those? In the interim fill in the SOA as best you can but make clear where you're not sure about stuff, when you come to post it.

Pip_Boy_111

Hi and welcome

Your car sounds like a PCP finance deal. If so, usually at the end of the term you have 3 options.
1) pay the final "balloon" payment and purchase the car outright.
2) hand the car back and use any equity towards a new deal on a new car.
3) hand the car back and walk away with nothing further to pay (barring any excess mileage charges, but that's another topic).

If this is a pcp deal, come the end of it, you can hand the car over and not have any more payments to make. Could you then look at getting something much cheaper and older? Have a look at the bangernomics thread on the motoring board for some ideas.

Others have got it spot on with regards to the panic and worry. It's easy to say, but the best thing you can do right now is stay calm and try not to panic. The single biggest thing that helped me was to get organised and pull together an exact picture of incomings and outgoings. From there you can slowly but surely come up with a plan. It's not easy, but it's also not impossible. Far from it. Once you're organised it's incredible how much more control you can have over your own situation. In my personal experience, it was lack of control that lead to worry.
Everyone here is here to support you and I can assure you the good folk here will not see you wrong. Take some time, relax a little and then start to organise. No situation is impossible.

You've made the first step. Now let's get it sorted. Supporting you all the way :j

becks818

Hello, I am new to this forum too so I am not in a position offer advice. however one thing I do know is that there are always options. I heard Martin Lewis say that he has never seen a debt problem that has not been fixable. Perhaps we can support each other through our journeys. I wish you well.

Singlespeeder

Great advice so far. I personally have found having a notebook I write EVERYTHING down in... thoughts, fears, plans, phone numbers jobs to do, shopping, what I've spent on food each month, every transaction I make, every bill I pay. It's makes stuff so much clearer. Another thing that's working well for me is work out your Annuals, things you HAVE to pay for but only once a year, car insurance (mines a killer, £450 on the 4th of January ) road tax, breakdown cover, Christmas, birthdays, then work out the total, divide by 12 and physically put that amount either into an envelope or another account. Instead of stressing about paying these lump sums out, you already have it covered.

As a nurse can you not pick up Bank Shifts at the Hospital? My sister is a nurse too and these help her out a lot.

Get your SOA done and up on here.

Good luck and keep your pecker up.

Nmjames

Singlespeeder wrote: »

.

As a nurse can you not pick up Bank Shifts at the Hospital? My sister is a nurse too and these help her out a lot.

Good luck and keep your pecker up.

Unfortunately not anywhere in travelling distance as I'm not allowed to work anywhere we place students. I'm looking for private sector nursing homes as a lot of these don't take students so I would be ok.

I am on with my SOA it's just long and complicated but I will get it up.

With regards to the parking ticket - I don't have any time left before it increases because my appeal was rejected and I now just have to pay £100 by 14/5/19.