Debt, pregnant and alone - help!

sasy_sfinx

So life feels like I’m really being pooped on from a great height and I’m feeling very overwhelmed right now so any advice is massively welcome!

1) existing debt =£19k
Yes I know this is bad, it’s accumilated over years. I’ve recently taken stock of my finances and it’s been eye opening to say the least. £5k is a loan I got for my car the rest is on 3 credit cards and I have 0 savings.
I have done some shuffling, they’re now 0% cards, extra money I had in a couple of accounts have made additional payments to the card which 0% ends soonest. (I’m hot on the money saving advice, my friends come to me but I don’t practice what I preach!).
I’ve renegotiated stuff like my phone contract, I’ve switched my current account, I’ve changed car insurance and halved my renewal quote, I’m getting in the habit of taking lunch to work and I have nice coffee and teas in my desk rather than going to the coffee shop on my break, I’ve got a selection of decent things to get on eBay and gumtree. Next big step is stop driving to work, the parking is costing just under £50/week...I’m struggling in the mornings so this is gonna a big step!
I also know I need to revisit my tax allowance and believe I’m due a little rebate.
I’ve discovered my Boots cars has £40 on, Costa has £25, Clubcard has £20, Nectar has £18...so I’ve been collected and now realised its been kinda worth it.

2) got a bun in the oven!
(The above mentioned teas and coffee are decaf - fear not!) Totally unexpected (part of the reason I’m struggling in the mornings) emotions have been everywhere and my boyfriend has left
Despite being broke, I receive a pretty decent salary that’s due to go up to £38k next month. The mat leave deal with work is also pretty decent in the grand scheme of things but I’m very worried that I currently only just make ends meet, when I’m mat leave how am I going to make those ends meet?
Very concerned about returning to work - I won’t be able to work full time coz I won’t be able to afford FT childcare (also wouldn’t want to but in current circumstances somethings got to give). I have no family nearby, if I moved back north they wouldn’t be any practical help any way! I keep trying to convince myself this isn’t a focus right now, one thing at a time.
When it comes to benefits, tax credits, I’m absolutely clueless and can’t get my head around anything I’ve researched. I seem to be on that threshold of earning too much despite still not affording anything! Any clarity here will be welcome.
I’m not fussed about new things for the baby, I’ll be raiding gumtree and freecycle etc.

3) I reluctantly need to move
I currently live with my best friend in SE London, we got a steal, we’re renting a beautiful house in a fantastic area and easy distance to work and easy going into the city or out to the country. I love this house, it’s the first place as an adult I’ve felt is my home. It’s spacious, bright, airy, quiet area with a private tenants garden.
She’s just announced she’s got herself onto the property ladder. Moving further out of the city which would make my commute a nightmare if I were to move with her. She’s already said I can move with her for a few months...whilst that would be cost effective on the surface, the cost of moving twice in the next year and the cost of the commute won’t actually save me that much money.
Looking at 1 beds I can afford has spiralled me into a week of despair - the most depressing and disgusting bedsits for £800pcm - more than what I’m paying now! I don’t want to bring my child into that.
Ideally, I want to stay here but there’s no fixed timeline of when she’ll be moving and I can’t afford the rent in any interim between her going and someone new coming...and I can’t imagine being inundated with candidates wanting to move in with a 35 year old woman, a cat and a sprog! Although never say never...
Moving home with my family isn’t an option, all my support is here, going back north my salary would drop at least £15k and I’d lose out the mat pay deal...

Needless to say my MH has taken a dive and that’s where I’d usually go on a spending spree - I’ve resisted thus far! But feeling incredibly helpless and this is never how I wanted to bring a baby into the world!
It’s practical advice I need. I’ve had lots of stories of women who’ve defied the odds and that everything will work out, I’m sure it will but right now, I don’t need hope or reassurance, I need logistics!
Thanks in advance

Sanctioned_Parts_List

Hi. As you've taken stock of your finances already, presumably you've already prepared your statement of affairs (link) both for today and for when you go on maternity leave.

Is your job based in Zone 1, or further out? Are you able to negotiate working from home some days?

For benefits, https://www.entitledto.co.uk/ - one thing that might work in your favour is if your workplace offers a salary sacrifice pension, which you can use to drop your headline pay back towards where you'll be able to claim benefits.

buythedip

Your list seems in the wrong order to me?!

Prioritise housing. Getting some timescales from your friend is reasonable. If the house is as described you should find lots of candidates. I would not increase my commute as a single parent!

Your ex will be liable for a good amount of maintenance so factor that in to your budget.

Could you downgrade the car? To clear the loan. How much use does it get in London?

sasy_sfinx

EsI use money dashboard which has been a fab app for seeing where money is going. Not budgeted for maternity leave yet as it’s unclear right now how much I’ll get and what my outgoings will be - depends where I’ll be living.

I live and work in zone 3 and work clinically in the NHS so don’t really get the option to work from home.

sasy_sfinx

@buythedip the list was in no way order of priority, just order of how I could get my thoughts at time of writing. My car is small city runner and cheap to run (monthly fuel <£40, £0 tax) A downgrade would get me a banger. I’m in zone 3 and do need the car for when I’m based in community doing home visits etc.
My ex has just lost his job and has been advised to file for bankruptcy, it’s just come to light since the pregnancy that his financial circumstances are a lot worse than mine! So if things don’t step up for him I’m not sure of how/if he can pay support. Saying that, I’m not 100% sure of what to believe from him anymore.

Kat78MFW

Just a quick thought - could you try to find another single mum to rent with you when your friend moves out? If you could find someone that you know and trust then you could even share childcare to bring those costs down.

[Deleted User]

Hi,

Didn't want to read and run.

You've already had some great advice above.

I just wanted to say Congratulations on your impending arrival and well done for acknowledging your debts.

Good luck on your journey xx

natlie

Hi

This is a quick reply.

I've been a single mum, ex didn't contribute financially we managed, with no support and full time childcare

I have 3 children now, I am still in debt but sorting it, life is bumpy and there is never the right time to have a child, when I found I was expecting my second I had just accepted a new job, my son was unplanned and my husband had just had a breakdown.

You need to start a Universal Credit application, I earn about the same as you and I don't live in London, my husband earns £5k a year and we get around £300 a month Universal credit, mainly childcare and housing support as our rent is high. My children are 7 and 13 (eldest is now 18 and at Uni)

You can speak to an advisor or Citizens advice about you benefit entitlement, it sounds liek you are god at budgeting - I thought I was too but realisitically we both have a lot of debt and I found my real lightbulb moment came after I attended a CAP Money course, best thing I have ever done - look for one locally they are free and provide debt advice and support too

Dont be afraid to buy pre-loved baby stuff, a lot of it is like new, we were silly and got loads of pricey cots and prams, mainly becase of the big age gaps and bad planning but there are great NCT baby sales https://www.nct.org.uk/local-activities-meets-ups/nct-nearly-new-sales

Look for affordabnle childcare options now, some get filled really quickly, also look at alternative options like an Au Pair or a local childminder which may work out cheaper full time. As a workign mum, try not to feel bad if you need to go back to work earlier, I went back to work around the 24 week mark because I had to, loads of people had a year off and it sucked but we have to do these things

Try not to stress out too much

Nat
x

tallyhoh

I used a childminder when my son was a baby, the cost of nurseries willing to take him was just too much. I moved him to a nursery when he was 2 & the costs were lower.

Agree with the suggestion that you could try looking for a house mate with a child

Willing2Learn

I didn't want to read without at least wishing you well with your lovely new baby coming.

I also think the suggestion to share a home with another single mother would be a great way to resolve the potential childcare costs.

I would also start up a spending diary, to help with completing a realistic Statement of Affairs (SOA). Have a read up on 'snowballing' debts, as it is a great method to tackle debts.
http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

onwards&upwards

Have a look at step change, go through the flowchart and see what solutions are offered, put your salary as what it will be on the lowest mat pay and on what you might earn if you could only wrk part time.

If you are a registered nurse, the Cavell trust and the RCN offer some financial assistance, but the criteria are strict. They won’t pay your debts but they might help you with a bankruptcy fee or a deposit to move. Other professions have similar funds.