Buying a home with OH - he's paying entire deposit

Tina321

Me and my OH are planning on buying a home together. He currently owns his own flat and I've lived there for 3 years. In this time, I've paid towards the mortgage and bills. In the last 9 month's, I've paid 2/3 the mortgage and bills.

Here's the issue. His flat has increased in value in this short time (by 40k) so he'd offered to pay the deposit. We'd agreed that I would pay all legal fees and other fees associated with buying and selling (4.5-7k say).

Therefore, he'd be paying around 26k. This was never an issue until recently. Yesterday, he mentioned signing documents to protect this money if we were to split up (13k). These would of course be void if we were to be married (which was due to happen within the next year or so regardless).

We've been planning this for 1 1/2 and this signing is only a new thing. I'm personally really offended (his parents have also pushed this).

Since we've been together, I've paid for about 80% of everything we do outside mortgage and bills including shopping, travel, days out etc. All my money has gone to us having a better life. My other half has no savings, only this equity though luck. I've also paid off a quarter of his mortgage payments to date and he 'owes' me over 2k (not that I'd chase). The mortgage and bills on the new house would be split equally.

Just looking for people's views really. I'm upset over this as it was never an issue till now. I've given every penny I have to this 4 year relationship and it feels like a slap in the face over 13k.

HampshireH

Have you had this conversation with him so he knows how you feel and why?

Are you both ln the same page re marriage this year or so? If so why waste money on the paperwork for just a matter of months.

Its a sensible option but only if your both in agreement.

Point the financial support you have provided your partner put to him

Mojisola

Tina321 wrote: »

Therefore, he'd be paying around 26k. This was never an issue until recently. Yesterday, he mentioned signing documents to protect this money if we were to split up (13k). These would of course be void if we were to be married (which was due to happen within the next year or so regardless).

We've been planning this for 1 1/2 and this signing is only a new thing. I'm personally really offended (his parents have also pushed this).

Are you sure this is coming from him and not pressure from his parents?

They may well be unaware of how much of the daily bills you are covering.

Tina321

I have mentioned this and all the financial support (including me paying the recent redecoration on the flat) and it's falling on deaf ears and he's now so adamant (his parents haven't helped).

We are yes, he's been getting engagement rings valued! It seemed natural progression. Before this issue a very loving and happy life together.

I'm just so devestated by it all. I've given all I can and more and it seems so odd at the last minute. If this had been an issue from the beginning it would be fine and I'd sign but we're meant to be building a life together!

Tina321

It's the parents mostly. The father and mother split up 13 years ago after he was unfaithful and he lost a lot. I don't think they understand the extent to which I've paid at all. They don't have a close relationship with my OH and it's only since we've been together has it greatly improved. They are quite well off and money focused. I wasn't raised like that at all!

Mojisola

Tina321 wrote: »

In the last 9 month's, I've paid 2/3 the mortgage and bills.

Since we've been together, I've paid for about 80% of everything we do outside mortgage and bills including shopping, travel, days out etc.

All my money has gone to us having a better life.

I've also paid off a quarter of his mortgage payments to date and he 'owes' me over 2k (not that I'd chase).

Tina321 wrote: »

We are yes, he's been getting engagement rings valued!

I would be telling him to put a hold on that until you've sorted this out!

Many relationship fail because of issues about money - perhaps it's lucky this has come to light before a wedding happened.

I would be very upset that he doesn't seem to recognise your financial contribution to joint bills and the comfortable life he's enjoyed because of your money.

I would also be hurt that he is putting 'his' money before your feelings - which is more important to him?

I hope you can sort this out.

csgohan4

So your OH is more concerned about his parents than you who will be spending the rest of his life with and building it too and sacrificed so much

Your OH Needs to grow some or as above stop everything and discuss this now or this will be something you will resent forever and potentially affect your marriage

Debbie1980

If it’s falling on deaf ears I think i would write it down so it’s there for him in black and white to consider.

I hope this is resolved for you.

pjcox2005

In fairness to your OH, it’s such common advice that if your paying a big deposit and not married, that you try to protect it by documenting that split should things go wrong. So from that perspective I wouldn’t take it personally.

That being said it’s obviously emotional when you feel your contributing in other ways, in your case including financially for the mortgage, and it basically suggests that something may go wrong in a relationship which you don’t want to consider. I’m married and even now there is a question of how we plan for retirement as I don’t want it all in one pot say in my name in case something went wrong which could cause an issue for my wife.

Personally I’d take the emotion out of it, agree to documenting the deposit to protect it but only on the condition the money owed to you (lump sum) and your payments to the mortgage since you’ve been together are taken off that amount. Potentially you could add a lump sum extra for the additional payments you make but this is likely get awkward.

Then both sign it, put it away and hopefully it will never be needed again particularly if you get married. Perhaps it’s also a point to just rebalance the payments you appear to be making so it’s a bit more equal.

Thrugelmir

Tina321 wrote: »

Me and my OH are planning on buying a home together.

Then I would suggest you don't. Tell him that going forward you'll operate a joint bank account where both of you contribute the same amounts. All bills, except the mortgage , are then settled 50/50. Separately make a contribution to the mortgage and keep a record. Say that you would like this contribution factored in should you move and buy a joint property at some point in the future.

enthusiasticsaver

I think I would be saying going forward all bills and expenses can be split 50/50 and if you have paid towards the mortgage for the last 2 years that will have increased the equity so work that out too. Also document and insist on repayment of the £2000. Then I would sign it. Many people protect themselves in case of relationship breakdowns and those who don't sometimes live to regret it. Sad reflection on modern life but with relationships breaking down having the financial aspect sorted takes some of the stress away.