Inappropriate comment

SteveJW

Any advice would be appreciated

About two weeks ago my son was suspended on full pay for allegedly making an inappropriate comment to a female member of staff.
The circumstances are:
He has worked in a call centre for nearly 10 years and is also a nominated first aider:

During a lull in the incoming calls, he noticed that a female colleague had three cuts on her right arm he asked her if she had cut herself, meaning had she had accidently cut herself.
He would have asked the same question to any member of staff who appeared to have an injury that may have required treatment
She replied with “No I have not cut myself since I was 15 or 16 when I used to slice up myself regularly”
He was surprised that she thought it appropriate to disclose something as personal as this, and decided it was not appropriate to carry on the conversation.
They then both carried on our normal duties as calls had started to come in
She seemed fine and was not displaying any signs of being upset or distressed and seemed overall her usual chatty self
About 30 minutes later as they were both waiting for their next calls, they spoke about various things, including how they were both looking forward to payday on the 25th January as it had been nearly 5 weeks since we last got paid.
At break time their breaks coincided and as they both smoke they were both stood in the smoking shelter, she was on her mobile phone, and showed no signs of being distressed or upset.

He understand that she left work after her break; he did not know the circumstances leading to this, although various rumours circulated around the office

She was not at work the next day.
Her brother also works in the same office.
The next day when her brother commenced work, he immediately proceeded to tell colleagues about things my son had allegedly said or done, my son found what was said very distressing.
He is unsure if what was said came to the attention of any line managers or supervisors.

Later in the day my son was called into the office and was told he would be suspended on full pay for making an inappropriate comment to a female member of staff. He was given a letter detailing this.

Yesterday he received an email with an attachment asking him to attend an investigatory meeting relating to allegations of harassment and bullying


Many Thanks


Steve

Ozzuk

Any witnessess to the conversation? If it happened as described then I'd just lead with that. Ideally he could have responded saying she misunderstands, he was enquiring does she need assistance, but a bit late for that (or not raise it at all).

I think the trouble is unless its a very obvious wound and she was showing distress then it could easily be taken the wrong way. I had the same thing many, many years ago, someone asked me if I cut myself (had injury), I had to lie as to how it had happened (because I did self harm) and I felt terrible.

Comms69

SteveJW wrote: »

Any advice would be appreciated

About two weeks ago my son was suspended on full pay for allegedly making an inappropriate comment to a female member of staff. - Obvious question, did he?
The circumstances are:
He has worked in a call centre for nearly 10 years and is also a nominated first aider: - how long has he worked at THIS job?

During a lull in the incoming calls, he noticed that a female colleague had three cuts on her right arm he asked her if she had cut herself, meaning had she had accidently cut herself.
He would have asked the same question to any member of staff who appeared to have an injury that may have required treatment
She replied with “No I have not cut myself since I was 15 or 16 when I used to slice up myself regularly”
He was surprised that she thought it appropriate to disclose something as personal as this, and decided it was not appropriate to carry on the conversation. - Hold on, he was surprised at her answer to his question?!...
They then both carried on our (our??) normal duties as calls had started to come in
She seemed fine and was not displaying any signs of being upset or distressed and seemed overall her usual chatty self
About 30 minutes later as they were both waiting for their next calls, they spoke about various things, including how they were both looking forward to payday on the 25th January as it had been nearly 5 weeks since we last got paid.
At break time their breaks coincided and as they both smoke they were both stood in the smoking shelter, she was on her mobile phone, and showed no signs of being distressed or upset.

He understand that she left work after her break; he did not know the circumstances leading to this, although various rumours circulated around the office - great...

She was not at work the next day.
Her brother also works in the same office.
The next day when her brother commenced work, he immediately proceeded to tell colleagues about things my son had allegedly said or done, my son found what was said very distressing. - such as?
He is unsure if what was said came to the attention of any line managers or supervisors.

Later in the day my son was called into the office and was told he would be suspended on full pay for making an inappropriate comment to a female member of staff. He was given a letter detailing this. - excellent, so what was the alleged comment?

Yesterday he received an email with an attachment asking him to attend an investigatory meeting relating to allegations of harassment and bullying


Many Thanks


Steve

I assume you're looking for general advice?


1: He should contact his union
2: He should make a statement of his version of events.
3: I suspect there was another comment.

Brynsam

Were the cuts open/bleeding?

What else was said?

One enquiry as you've described it can hardly lead to allegations of harassment and bullying - or at least not ones which can be substantiated. There's more to it than you know, whether on your son's side or on the side of the woman who obviously, from her comment, has a history of self-harming.

TELLIT01

All your son can do is put forward his version of what happened, from the first question about the cut (and the reason for the question) through to when he last saw her for the day. At this point it should be a fact gathering exercise as a start point to see if there are any grounds for disciplinary action.

Tom99

It should have been obvious that the cuts were not recent such as needing his 1st aid so it might be assumed he asked out of curiosity for his own interest.
That being the case if it could be said that most reasonable people would probably think the cuts were self harm then his question was certainly inappropriate.
However if is was not obvious, then asking a work colleague about an ailment or obvious injury is understandable.

KatrinaWaves

If cuts looked recent then it is fine for him to ask.

If they are clearly old/scars then it is not appropriate for him to ask.

Fairly simple and I’m sure will be sorted easily.

jonnygee2

The next day when her brother commenced work, he immediately proceeded to tell colleagues about things my son had allegedly said or done, my son found what was said very distressing.

Yesterday he received an email with an attachment asking him to attend an investigatory meeting relating to allegations of harassment and bullying

I think maybe he should wait until this meeting. It sounds like there might be more than a single comment under investigation.

Les79

I suspect that asking someone who used to cut themselves a question like that may screw with their head to be honest, even if everything SEEMS to be fine (that's sometimes the whole point of the cutting; it is hidden away from others and thus they become "experts" at hiding things). So I would caution you and your son on relying on the "she seemed fine" reasoning...


I think it depends on whether any reasonable person (or the boss) would have interpreted them as more scar-like than fresh cuts which required first-aid. You've also got to bear in mind that many people who cut themselves by accident etc SEEK OUT FIRST AID!


So on those two points I am 80% confident that your son has acted inappropriately here. I sort of suspect that he has asked out of intrigue here, more so given his concern only piqued when there was a lull in calls.


As to whether it warrants serious action, I would say no. I think it warrants a formal warning and nothing more.

theoretica

SteveJW wrote: »

She replied with “No I have not cut myself since I was 15 or 16 when I used to slice up myself regularly”
He was surprised that she thought it appropriate to disclose something as personal as this, and decided it was not appropriate to carry on the conversation.

I am sorry he seems to buy into the idea that mental health is something to be hidden and not talked about if the person so chooses. Would he also have felt it inappropriate if it had somehow come up in conversation that she had broken her arm as a teenager?