In it for the long haul

FluffyVal · 1 February 2019 at 4:28PM

Our journey started in 1977 when I married my lovely husband.
He was the same as me, if we had it we spent it.
Somehow thoughts of later life and paying off the creditors were the furthest things from our minds.

He had already been married and was contributing toards his lovely lads.
I had a good job and he was leaving his job as a RN Chief to become a freelance film cameraman. All seemed very good.

We muddled through, had a son of our own and I managed to get made redundant twice. Hubby’s freelancing jobs dried up and in 1995, as neither of us had gone to college or uni we decided to up sticks and both join a media course in Bradford, a bit different from Watford.

The support we were expecting from the govt. dried up unexpectedly (we dropped £8,000 per annum in the process)
Still we stayed the course as it were and managed to leave with a massive debt of about £24,000
Still the alarm bells weren’t ringing , I had a very good but rather stressful job, entailing on call and callout for Lloyds bank databases. Hubby had several jobs over the next few years, library assistant, security guard, then at 65 in 2003 he retired.
I was a workaholic and, with hindsight, not watching hubby too closely. He became isolated, depressed, and his mood changed.

Meanwhile, son having married and moved out, our lifestyle was chaotic, me always spending money trying to make up for time spent at work and hubby gradually becoming more isolated.

In 2008 My work became frantic, our team trying to keep databases running while the financial services buckled
In 2009 I had a heart attack, was then diagnosed with diabetes and depression as well as atherosclerosis.
I was off work for about 4 months. The debt had somehow mounted up and we were now looking at more than £50k
Various things contributed, not least my husband having been an alcoholic for many years, I probably should have realised this, but I felt guilty with the time I had to spend at work.
He also started showing early signs of dementia later diagnosed as Lewy Body and Vascular dementia.

I fessed up to Lloyds about the unmanageable debt and Hubby’s gradual decline, they were supportive.
We became involved with Payplan (or Payplan+ as they are now).
They are a free DMP company and have really helped us enormously to get us on the right path, take stock and work out a way forward.

As I admit we were never good at managing money and had been on a bit a rollercoaster between riches and poverty.
I took voluntary redundancy, in Jan 2012,to look after hubby and we spent the redundancy money on a new car (Skoda Roomster, still got it, lovely car) to get hubby and his motorised wheelchair about. I had the idea we could have a market stall selling jam, chutneys etc. But I hadn’t realised how far down the road hubby was with his dementia.
We had a few holidays, visiting places my husband remembered in the forces. Probably should have lowered the debt but my hubby only had a small window of time before his disease would take hold and his lucidity become sporadic.

I found out the hard way that care homes cost masses of money when hubby had to go into a care home.
Payplan were there for me, and lent a hand and together with CAB and family assistance, I managed to cross the trap and mine filled swamp and got Continual Health Care payments to cover his needs.

At this time(2014) I began paying as much as I could off of my loans and contacting creditors, of which there were many, to see if I could negotiate a deal with them. I was inspired and advised by the folk on ‘MSE debt free Wanna be’.

I still had depression, diabetes and heart issues and as you can imagine was very low, I considered giving up but luckily I was prevented by a superb doctor at the medical practice who was my rock. Also I now had several grandchildren who I adore and wouldn’t want to abandon.

Over the next few years, until hubby passed in late 2017 I got the debt down to about £18,000 by negotiating and letting creditors know about my situation. In the main the people I spoke to were sympathetic and caring, usually once you get through to the dept reserved for debt control they had people in place who knew how to care.

Anyway, I now owe about £8,000 and should be paying off another £3,600 of this tomorrow. Once it is all paid off it will be a relief. I am very ashamed of the debt we got into and it was a bane and a weight for many years. Life, as they say, is not a rehearsal, but I would certainly have advised my younger self to avoid debt. Whether I would have I listened I know not

Debt grinds people down and causes mental illness which cannot be easily remedied. Its easy to say that it is someone’s fault, but none of us know how people got were they are today.

That is the only person who can be helped, the person in front of you.
I don’t pretend to know any answers, I was just minded to tell my tale by the efforts of the other Wanna Be’s testimonies.

findingthisdifficult · 1 February 2019 at 7:57PM

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. My husband and I have been in debt since we got together, always upgrading things just because the credit was available and we could pay monthly.
I think a combination of owning our own home and some health problems for my husband made me realise (I look after the finances) that it was time to shape up the finances.
If I manage to stay on the wagon we will be free of debt (excluding our mortgage) next year.

enthusiasticsaver · 1 February 2019 at 8:33PM

I think that is a very inspiring story and the fact that you are now so close to getting out of debt in spite of life getting in the way not once but several times is a testament to your persistence. I do hope you will update as you continue to clear the remaining amounts. As you say debt is best avoided if at all possible but we live and learn. Good luck.