Debt

may13

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burnleylad1882

Hi I will have to make this brief as I am at work on my phone.

First of all you need to ring Gamblers Anonymous and find out where your nearest meeting is. You need to write down all your finances and exactly who you owe money to. You then need to come clean to your partner. That on its own will feel like a massive weight on your shoulders.

I am a gambling addict and starting attending meetings at the end of April. It was the only thing that as worked for me (and touch wood) I haven’t had a bet since.

You will get a lot of advice and although you’re partner will not be happy it can put an end to the lies and the sleepless nights. But I would try and draw up a plan so he realises you are taking it seriously.

I wish you the best of luck but there is no financial problem that cannot be sorted. Just lay all the facts down in front of him and I mean everything. He is not going to trust you for a long time but time is a great healer. Just make sure nothing comes back to bite you in the !!!! at a later date.

All the best.

ChasingButterflies

The advice above is excellent.

You can also contact Gamcare who can refer you to local support services.

You have made a huge step in accepting that you have a problem, give yourself some credit for that.

My mum had an (mostly online) gambling addiction. After self exclusion she would get emails from other gambling sites. I would suggest sorting yourself out with a new email address- just in case this still goes on.

Best wishes

LMS123

I really feel for you. All I can say is that my OH was in the same mess, the only difference being that he was working and had an income. Oh and the other difference was that he owed £35,000! And this was the 2nd time after a 10 year gambling gap.

1) Stop gambling. How you do it is up to you.Either massive self-will or help from one of the gambling groups. My OH refused to attend GA. Maybe that's why he relapsed after 10 years, who knows.

2) I think you're going to have to tell your OH. He may suspect something's wrong anyway.

3)Contact Stepchange. They can stop interest being added and write to your creditors on your behalf. They give excellent advice on what to do and are non-judgmental.

My OH is over half way paying off his debts(loans and credit cards) via Stepchange. 2 more years to go! As you have no income as such, they will advise your best course of action.

By the way, I will never trust my OH again, a price we are both paying.But it has to be faced at some point and the sooner you tell him, the better. Debts can be sorted, the cause of them is more of a challenge but if you can get moral and financial support from your OH (after the dust has settled from the ceiling coming down) then the future will be brighter.

Afreshstart

Hi just posting to offer some moral support.

Excellent posts already so I won't repeat their advice.
I can identify with you as someone who not that long ago let things spiral out of control.
I like that you've received some posts from both sides of the fence so to speak.
What helped me was to write it down as you have here,maybe show this to your husband or write a letter.Find the right moment to have that embarrasing,serious frank talk.Yes he will be angry & not understand but life will improve from that moment.As mentioned time is a great healer.I hope your relationship is otherwise strong.
Although I did gamble again & again ,breaking promises,this is why you need support & help. Please don't repeat my mistakes be thankfull for your second chance & beat this illness.

Oh & your not a horrible person,gambling ruins & affects all sorts of people.

All the best

Willing2Learn

Hi may13,

may13 wrote: »

I think the reasons behind it are from struggling with loneliness and post partum depression after my baby was born and I started gambling after a good friend died suddenly, leaving her 5 year old (my daughters friend) with no parents. It really shook me up. I can't sleep and would just gamble in bed at night and I've spiralled out of control trying to 'fix' the mess I'm in and just making it worse and worse and worse.

I just wanted to check what you are doing to look after your psychological and emotional welfare? Some people develop a gambling problem, as a support crutch, as a coping strategy, to manage the pressures of life. You are describing symptoms of depression, loneliness, catastrophising.

Have you sought any talking therapy from your GP? Have a google for IAPT with your NHS Trust to see what psychotherapeutic services are available in your area. It may be that talking therapy could be beneficial to you and your emotional and financial recovery

mjpsmummy

Hi!
Your story reads pretty much like mine. You have already had some good advice but one thing I would suggest (already mentioned in one comment above) is to contact Options counselling and see if they can help you. If you do a Google search for Options Gambling counselling you will find them.

The service provided by Options is not national but they have centres in Banbury, Basingstoke, Milton Keynes, Portsmouth, Salisbury and Southampton. If none of these are any good for you I would urge you to contact Gamcare and see if there are any other centres offering similar services.

I live a 40 minute drive away from one of the centres and have been going to one-to-one counselling since September last year. You get 12 free sessions and at first I went weekly. I haven't gambled since about week 4 I think (it's been 3 months since I've seen a gambling transaction on my bank statement!!) and have found the counselling to be absolutely invaluable to me. I'd go so far as to say it has saved my marriage.

I have given up gambling three times in the past and each time my husband has said he would leave me the next time. This time he found out when he realised that I have a reasonable income but I never had any money. My behavior had changed, I wasn't sleeping, I was worried all the time and had become completely withdrawn. I couldn't really see it at the time but a few months down the line I can see myself getting back to normal.

I have two loans, 3 maxed out credit cards and an overdraft that I now need to pay off. I came to the forum looking for information on that and your post title made me read it and I felt I needed to reply. I'm off to try and find out some information now but I hope my post helps you a little bit.

You can come through this and once you do you will feel so much better than you do right now.

amcg100

There is some good advice already here, but I just wanted to add something .....£15K is not a lot of money, Millions of people have debts like yours and much higher. There is nothing to be ashamed of about owing 15 grand - it's perfectly normal !

TommyTBFC

Hi May13,

Firstly, my heart certainly goes out to you, honestly you have come to the best place. Gambling is an addiction, I suppose you had no pleasure in gambling or even wanted to gamble for that matter. You need to give yourself credit for admitting this, and for admitting your debt. Believe me it’s nothing to be ashamed about. Personally, my advice is this; No debt is impossible to get out of. Contact StepChange and seek their advice. They may recommend a DMP or an IVA, let them set up for you etc etc Then fess upto your partner. Say you’re in debt however, these are the steps I’m currently taking. He may scream, he may shout, he may not speak to you for some time but all that weight will be off your shoulders.