Want a private arrangement but NRP won't agree

Brybuttons

Hi All,

I'm looking for advice on what to do.

NRP & I have been divorced for 3 years. 3 x children, 8, 10 & 12, eldest is disabled. He's spent 2 years ignoring the CMS & we're at the liability order stage (hearing is in Jan). He earns a good wage via a Ltd company. Assessment is based on his public accounts & comes in at £170pw, he's meant to pay more than that due to collection fees etc.

He doesn't see the kids, his choice. This saddens me as although they're happy & healthy, what child wouldn't be affected by knowing their father doesn't want to have anything to do with them? I've maintained from the word go that I wanted a private arrangement regarding maintenance because as far as I can see, the CMS just bring misery all round. I asked him to pay:

1. Their school dinners. Directly via the schools app.
2. Give them £10 a week each into their bank accounts. £5 they could spend & £5 to save. This would match what I give them too.

That totals £75 per week. He flat refused. Hence it went to the CMS.

I want to write & make him the offer again. He's received the summons now & his new girlfriend is going crazy at the court & CMS letters arriving at their home (I get it in the neck).

I wish I could afford to just walk away but unfortunately I can't. Him just taking over the school dinners would give me some much needed financial breathing space. I also think that seeing their father make a direct financial contribution might in some way save a lot of heartache for the kids in years to come (they'll be able to see he at least helped them financially).

Sorry for all the waffle. Do you think it's worth making the offer again or should I just keep quiet & let the CMS get on with it? Do the CMS pile on pressure or will he just be able to carry on throwing letters in the bin & ignoring their calls indefinitely? If it's the latter then it's pointless me wasting my time as he'll never contribute unless he's forced to.

Thanks,
Briony

DUTR

It's not worth making the offer again, as me in his shoes I wouldn't go for the private arrangement...… it's not about the money it's the (control/dictation) principle see.
I'd happily pay the cms (as I did) the monies going out just becomes part of the budget, when it ends suddenly £100s per month extra , not sure what to spend it on though.