*sigh* this may take a while

enthusiasticsaver

I have just skim read the last 20 pages or so since your soa in July just to see what the problem is with saving an EF. One thing that does occur to me is the money you spend on the kids which you freely admit adds up. As your DD1 is now working and your DS also has a job are they not covering their expenses for socialising and clothes etc? We gave both our DDs an allowance from about 12 or 13. Out of that they covered socialising, hobbies and non uniform clothes/shoes. When they got part time jobs they also had the money from that. We stopped the allowances when they finished school and just gave them parental contribution for Uni. It teaches them to manage money and to learn to save as any school trip also had to be partly paid for by them. Just an idea. 

We also do the same for us as my DH is a fritterer. Personal allowances for both of us. DH spends his (who knows on what) and usually runs out by the end of the month and he cannot believe that I have saved thousands out of mine and we both get the same each month. I think some people are savers and some spenders but DH freely admits we would not have been able to retire 8 years early if he had been in charge of our finances. 

The key to saving is to treat is as a priority and put anything in at the start of the month much the same as paying a bill. Maybe a 2023 challenge? There is one on the savings board. 

mark55man

OSHDTH feeling your pain here.  Totally relatable, although ES advice is spot on, my own finances didn't really start to improve until the kids were working and I was able to be a little stricter (although still pretty slack). 

That said, I also think its becoming increasingly more expensive to have kids at school (well to have them full stop!).   The trick I wished I had come too earlier was just to put some money into a regular saver, then its there to dip into if you have overstretched (my first RS total went straight off a CC, then the next I managed to keep some of it, then most of it, and now all of it.

I have to say though that the pandemic really boosted, but just slamming the door on most of our discretionary spends and then not really restarting them worked a treat.  What I learned, was that I actually didn't need to do so much stuff and most of what I wanted was quite cheap.  Easier for me as my kids are older for sure but are they doing too much?

EssexHebridean

Absolutely sympathise with needing to replace the WM right away - I'd have been exactly the same and there's only 2 of us! 

ohdearhowdidthathappen

You're all so lovely....
The new washing machine got delivered.  3 days without one and I had 10 loads waiting.... the guy who delivered and installed it made me laugh, they randomly delivered it at 8.30 (busiest time of day with school runs etc).  I got back from the school run and he said he felt sympathy for my knackered old washing machine!  I was like 'what about me?' and he was 'nah, you had a choice, the washing machine didn't see it coming' He then patted the new machine and wished it luck. 
Anyway, normal service is resumed and I'm very pleased!

ohdearhowdidthathappen

ES... you're always so polite in your wrist slapping.  Love it
We are just very poo.  Very very poo at saving and planning.
Mark, your input is as always very insightful  

Eldest DD is off our financial radar, doesn't put anything in and doesn't take much out except food, excessively long showers and increased alcohol intake through stress.
Eldest DS is pretty good... only asks for what he needs.  So anything that is clothes related or school related.  But he's tall with big feet and at 16, everything seems to be growing.  New shoes and trousers every couple of months... stuff like PJs and trainers too.  He's good at buying wants like fancy trainers and social stuff with his friends though.

I just don't know (and I should) how we get through all our money.... it just goes.  I feel like we have a money gremlin that eats all our money.

We got paid early for Christmas, so payments made towards balances... all should be paid off from Jan pay. maybe Feb because of washing machine.

ladyholly

I dont know if it will help but I have started a standing order with my bank that just automatically sends a payment to a separate account before I see it. It is there if I desperately need it for something big but I can forget its there the rest of the time and is helping to stop the frittering.

savingholmes

Moving the £ was definitley a good call for me. 


On the kids - I'd introduce an allowance and make them responsible for buying clothes and shoes other than school uniform. I gave my DD £75 a quarter - which incentivised her earning to make up the difference between that and what she really wanted to spend.

EssexHebridean

ladyholly said:

I dont know if it will help but I have started a standing order with my bank that just automatically sends a payment to a separate account before I see it. It is there if I desperately need it for something big but I can forget its there the rest of the time and is helping to stop the frittering.

This is what I do with our savings pots - they all have their own SOs that go out on the first or second of the month, so that money never gets taken into account for any other spending, any more than any other payments out that go automatically do. That way I can be confident that we actually do budget for the essential stuff like car maintenance etc. Our routine savings - so in essence the stuff that feeds our EF and longer term savings - go out the same way. 

enthusiasticsaver

ohdearhowdidthathappen said:

ES... you're always so polite in your wrist slapping.  Love it
We are just very poo.  Very very poo at saving and planning.
Mark, your input is as always very insightful  

Eldest DD is off our financial radar, doesn't put anything in and doesn't take much out except food, excessively long showers and increased alcohol intake through stress.
Eldest DS is pretty good... only asks for what he needs.  So anything that is clothes related or school related.  But he's tall with big feet and at 16, everything seems to be growing.  New shoes and trousers every couple of months... stuff like PJs and trainers too.  He's good at buying wants like fancy trainers and social stuff with his friends though.

I just don't know (and I should) how we get through all our money.... it just goes.  I feel like we have a money gremlin that eats all our money.

We got paid early for Christmas, so payments made towards balances... all should be paid off from Jan pay. maybe Feb because of washing machine.

It was not intended as a wrist slap so I apologise if it came off that way although thankfully you do not seem to have taken offence.  I agree with most others that putting some in to a savings account as soon as you get paid may be the way to go.  Sounds like the eldest 2 are not the issue though.  Having a large family may be the reason that money just disappears. Come on over and try a savings challenge maybe?  I am running the 1p a day savings challenge for 2023 which if followed through to the finish gets you saving almost £700 over the year but in manageable amounts so you might not even notice it disappearing from your budget. That would get you a half decent emergency fund by the end of 2023 with very little pain. 

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Thanks LH, SH, EH and ES
We do save it when we get paid and then it gets transferred back in small chunks towards the end of the month It's actually embarrassing how rubbish we are.
I get all motivated and then after a few days or weeks, it kind of drifts away.
I'm like it with eating healthily or any good habits really, so is DH.  We lose motivation and then think 'meh, we're doing ok' and then a few weeks pass and we think 'we must do better', get motivated for a little while and so on.  
We have come up with a plan for the new year though, I think I'll start a fresh new diary, this one has been running a while and a lot has changed over the last few years (except our inability to save.... that hasn't changed at all )

Thanks ES, I'll take a look at the savings challenge