Slinking back, tail between legs

Shadow14uk

Well, all those years ago My husband had debt I stupidly tried to help with, he buries his head in the sand and now I’m still drowning. I’m still here, still fighting a battle when I’m the only one in the ring.

I contemplated setting up a new account on here so no one would look back say you stupid stupid cow


Anyhoo, I want out! I’ve contacted payplan and I was recommended an IVA but I don’t want to do that. I want MY debts sorted (f**k him) too many years now I’ve suggested debt help and been met with “ no, it will affect credit rating, no we will lose the house, everyone’s in the same boat, we need to meal plan and budget properly” yes we do but what he’s really saying is he wants me to meal plan and budget)

Anyhoo, approaching 40 and I refuse to be like this, I’ve been off sick with anxiety and depression and when physical affects start showing its not good. Looking back I’ve spent how many years sressing over debt, nearly decade!!

So, I tried to do a budget based on ‘averages’ i.e average spend for family of 4 for household, clothing etc.


We both put money into a joint account for household bills and food then what’s remaining from our wages is for our debts/fuel etc

Monthly

Husband £750 me £700 (into joint account)

From this comes out

Mortgage Insurance £49.02 (decreasing mortgage cover)
Gas/ Electric £115 dual fuel
TV Licence £12.07
Home Insurance £26.65
(car insurance) £25
Virgin £72 (phone, tv and broadband)
Mortgage £437
Council Tax £138 (over 10 months)
Water £42.82
son football £16
Pet insurance£36.48
Swimming lessons£17.00
charges (bank) £16.50 grrrrr
1,003.821,


My personal outgoings/incomings out from my account
Incoming wage £1119.35
Child benefit: 137.60

Outgoing

Mobile£53.00
Joint account£700.00
Clothing budget £60.00 (me n 2 kids)
School dinners£40.00
Emergency savings£50.00
Fuel (Diesel)£50.00
Hair£16.00

£969 00 total




M&S card £250.49
Barclay card £6100.78
Barclay loan£10,685
Halifax£6,447.966


Would I be able to do a DMP for £250/£300 a month based on these figures

I will be reducing mobile and broadband ASAP but tied into contract at the minute

Again I’ve tried to look a national averages for budgets, I don’t get hair done every month etc more like 3 month

I’ve been on the sick with severe anxiety and depression with debt stress and even contacted the Samaritans I was so low but no more

I feel payplan are pushing an IVA a bit as well as insisting I must include him, even thought I’ve said I want me sorted not him ? and heard good things about Stepchange


Away to puke and shake with anxiety

Please please no trolling, just logging back into this account has taken me serious guts

Unicorn_cottage

My heart goes out to you. Have read over your old posts. You have to look after you and people will be here soon to advise re debts plans etc. What is happening with your husbands debts that you took on?

sourcrates

Hi again,

DMP is possible, but on those figures would take nearly 9 years, and that’s assuming all interest was stopped.

An IVA would be 6 years max, all interest and charges stopped, and you would have legal protection from your creditors, as a homeowner that is an important point to think about.

You do not get that protection with a DMP, but creditors are usually compliant eventually once it’s up and running.

You need to decide if 9 years is a reasonable ask, or if you’d prefer it over in 6, with a lot less stress.

Shadow14uk

I managed to transfer a lot of his debt back to him but some still remains. Biggest mistake ever! I thought I was being a supportive wife. Someone on here said don’t do that. I did and he did what many people do and just continued to spend.

We had other major issues too in the last few years which has brought me to this point of I’m looking after me. I want a nights sleep, I want to be able to think about something else other then money and debt all day, it’s consuming me. I don’t want to be on anti-depressants and a walking ball of misery and anxiety. I physically shake at times.
I’ve refer myself to a counsellor to try and help.


Sourcrates- would you say an IVA is the best option for me here?
How would it be 9 years for a DMP

determined_new_ms

Hi I can't see groceries on your budget?

Happier_Me

OP, well done for posting. You will feel better once you have a plan in place and you're in the right place to help you work out the best plan for you.

There is money left in the joint account after bills...is this spent on food? And do you overspend the joint account each month?

I expect sourcrates is taking your total debts and dividing it by the amount of money you have left in your own account each month to work out how long it will take you to pay off your debts, but I'm sure he'll be back to explain.

I would look back over the last few months of actual spends and produce a starting budget based on these figures not just use general averages That way you can compare to these averages and you will see where you are overspending from your joint account and your personal account.

Some general thoughts - your mortgage insurance looks really high if this is just reducing life cover, if you spread your council over 12 months you could reduce your contribution to the joint account and redirect towards debts, I would say your other insurances look high too. It would be worth shopping around to get the best deals.

However, I would consider all your options here. An IVA, as sourcrates says, could end in 6 years and presumably your husband could go down this route too. How much equity do you have in your property?

Shadow14uk

Hello

Yes the remaining that is left in the joint account is for food shopping/toiletries. Housekeeping as such which is approx. £446. I’ve tried to do some homework and think the national “average” housekeeping for a family of 4 is £550 so we are coming in under budget there.

I know, the Decreasing Mortgage cover bugs me, we have had since we took the mortgage out in 2007 but when I look at it we aren’t going to get anything back from it. Its critical illness etc cover.I’m sure we can find a cheaper one. That’s over £6k paid to them so far

I’ve just renewed the buildings and contents insurance as took full cover for accidents in the house too, we have 2 boys so thought it was best to be fully covered and knowing my luck I’d come through the ceiling when in the loft.

I wouldn’t say there is much equity in the property, we bought it is 2007 when the housing “boom” was on in full swing so paid over the odds, we aren’t in negative equity but would say there isn’t much to be released when companies now take in the LTV ratio etc

I’m trying to find out as much I can. Is an IVA like insolvency and bankruptcy as this terrifies me. My friends are currently on a DMP which started off at 12 years but with each year they are seeming to bring it down, think they are 4 years in now and will be finished in 2 years?

System

Hi - well I think there are a few areas that you could look at addressing

Shadow14uk wrote: »

Monthly

Husband £750 me £700 (into joint account)

From this comes out

Mortgage Insurance £49.02 (decreasing mortgage cover) Get rid of this - are you absolutely sure this will pay out when you need it? Probs not.


Gas/ Electric £115 dual fuel this seems high - we pay about £70 for a three bed house.


TV Licence £12.07


Home Insurance £26.65 this is a little high - you can probably get this to nearly £18 if you try



(car insurance) £25 really worth being on the drip for this small amount? Interest saving here.



Virgin £72 (phone, tv and broadband) an extravagance - we pay £35 for just broadband with Virgin. Very fast.


Mortgage £437
Council Tax £138 (over 10 months)


Water £42.82 this is high too...are you on a meter or rates? Three bed house should be around £25 on a meter.



son football £16


Pet insurance£36.48I'm guessing you have a number of dogs?



Swimming lessons£17.00
charges (bank) £16.50 grrrrr
1,003.821,


My personal outgoings/incomings out from my account
Incoming wage £1119.35
Child benefit: 137.60

Outgoing

Mobile£53.00 that's a lot for a mobile. There's loads of good deals. I'm guessing you have the latest iPhone for that price. Or is it for two? Galaxy S9 can be had for around £27 now if you shop around.


Joint account£700.00
Clothing budget £60.00 (me n 2 kids) per month? What are you buying ?


School dinners£40.00
Emergency savings£50.00
Fuel (Diesel)£50.00
Hair£16.00

£969 00 total




M&S card £250.49
Barclay card £6100.78
Barclay loan£10,685
Halifax£6,447.966


Would I be able to do a DMP for £250/£300 a month based on these figures

I will be reducing mobile and broadband ASAP but tied into contract at the minute

Again I’ve tried to look a national averages for budgets, I don’t get hair done every month etc more like 3 month

I’ve been on the sick with severe anxiety and depression with debt stress and even contacted the Samaritans I was so low but no more

I feel payplan are pushing an IVA a bit as well as insisting I must include him, even thought I’ve said I want me sorted not him ? and heard good things about Stepchange


Away to puke and shake with anxiety

Please please no trolling, just logging back into this account has taken me serious guts

Lydia42

Hi
Lots said already, but definitely look to spread council tax over 12 months if you can. It'll help spread it s little better.

Shadow14uk

Thank you for advice and reply

• Yeah the mortgage cover I think will have to go – it’s a decreasing plan that pays out the remainder of the mortgage should we fall ill?

• Dual Fuel - this was £96 a month for 2 bed semi detached but has recentrly been increased by Bulb due to recent consumption (winter) - jumpers and dressing gowns it is!

• Home insurance I have just changed? This was the lowest deal I was offered at the time but I will certainly look lower, will I be tied in for a year now though??

• Yeah Virgin is going too! Nothing on to watch anyway!!

• Water rates – no not on meter, just the yearly bill that drops through the door and tells me what we are now paying

• Pet insurance – yes we have 2 dogs - please don’t make me get rid of them, they keep me sane

• Mobile - I have an iphone 5 (no idea about new models etc) but tied into a contract which I will be reducing down, hopefully the deal I saw will be there once my contract runs out

• Clothing budet – I took this from an avergae for family of 3-4, - to be honest I wouldn’t probably spend that, its more a case of when things are needed, I was advised to budget for hair as I was clothing? – Should I budget clothing?

The council tax I just assumed we had to pay over 10 months as that is the way its always been


I'm sorry if I am extraordinarily dippy

datlex

How much does your husband earn?