Christmas present conundrum! 9 December 2018 at 1:14PM in Special occasions & other celebrations 15 replies 3.7K views

Moola

Hi all,

I have 2 boys and one of my DH brothers has 10 children (all under 10). We don’t really see them and contact has become us is minimal.

Every Christmas we send each child £20 and they send my boys £10 each. It’s now sort of become a financial transaction where we lose out with no Xmas spirit.

We get no thanks from the children or acknowledgment from the parents. I’ve tried speaking to my DH about it but he doesn’t want to cause any arguments, which I understand, and he thinks we just keep sending them
Money.

I’ve suggested sending the family a joint gift but as the children are all different ages there isn’t anything suitable that I can convince DH is a better idea.

Any suggestions how we can manage this better?

Thanks

jackomdj

Let them know you are going to send a family gift, then possibly do a hamper with some sweets, popcorn, hot chocolate and a DVD in it.

kingfisherblue

I had to read that twice - I know it's not about money, but you spend £200 and they spend £20? I'd definitely stick to a family gift. If they don't all live together, then maybe a tub of sweets for each house, along with an inexpensive DVD (garden centres sometimes have DVDs that you might not think of, and at good prices).

kazwookie

Send one jigsaw of 1000 pieces, then all can help do it, stop sending money

Mojisola

Moola wrote: »

I have 2 boys and one of my DH brothers has 10 children (all under 10).

Every Christmas we send each child £20 and they send my boys £10 each.

I’ve tried speaking to my DH about it but he doesn’t want to cause any arguments

kingfisherblue wrote: »

I had to read that twice - I know it's not about money, but you spend £200 and they spend £20?

Why does he think changing what you send this family will result in arguments - the other family don't have a leg to stand on - they send your children £10, why should their children be worth twice that?

Perhaps he could accept sending their children £10 this year - making one change would make it easier to make another reduction next year.

PasturesNew

It's time to stop it all, completely, really....

Tell them to buy something for their kids with your name on it - and you will do something/buy something for your kids with their name on it "It'll make things easier for you ...." you smile.

That way you win ..... but you don't look like you cornered them

mark55man

whatever you do, don't carry on with this

get something they all can enjoy - that will make them laugh - if you are saving £200 its worth a bit of thought and maybe a bit of expense

so how about 10 (?12) lottery tickets - maybe they could all adopt the same goat - donate some money to KIVA and then they can agree on who they lend it out to - or a huge bucket of sweets - I don't really know but bottom line - if you're close it won't hurt, and if you're not you shouldn't care

Tickytacky

But are you millionaires and him a church mouse? It’s all relative.

No pun intended.

Give what you want to give and don’t feel bad. And he will give what he wants to give.

You have seen Martins Christmas message?

Pollycat

Moola wrote: »

Hi all,

I have 2 boys and one of my DH brothers has 10 children (all under 10). We don’t really see them and contact has become us is minimal.

Every Christmas we send each child £20 and they send my boys £10 each. It’s now sort of become a financial transaction where we lose out with no Xmas spirit.

We get no thanks from the children or acknowledgment from the parents. I’ve tried speaking to my DH about it but he doesn’t want to cause any arguments, which I understand, and he thinks we just keep sending them
Money.

I’ve suggested sending the family a joint gift but as the children are all different ages there isn’t anything suitable that I can convince DH is a better idea.

Any suggestions how we can manage this better?

Thanks

I'd have stopped sending money long ago.


Why does your OH think it will cause arguments?


Why does he think it's fair that you give 10 kids £20 each and they give your kids £10 each?

fiscalfreckles

I agree it's unbalanced- but in these situations I always think it's unfair to penalise the kids so don't stop completely. It's Christmas and they will expect presents, regardess of how their parents behave.
But I would at the very least cut down to £10 each (then it's the same as your kids' gifts), if you want to keep sending cash.

However, it's really up to you what you can afford/are comfortable with. To cut down the spend, a joint gift is a good idea; maybe a few board games they can all enjoy along with some chocolates? Also, bear in mind that if you send a gift, you know what they are getting, rather than wondering how the cash is used.
If there's never any acknowledgement, they'd be pretty churlish to start an argument now.

martinnathalie9

Think a hamper with some small bits and pieces would be lovely! Christmas is not about money so a sentimental gift or something that shows thought would be wonderful. If they are ungrateful, then I wouldn't send anything the next year!